The Prophecy OOC - Epic High Fanatasy Adventure

[Dark Jack]

There, not one of my better posts, but it fulfills its purpose. Now we can hopefully get a bit further.

On a different note, the one I had helping me with proofreading "The Prophecy of the Withering" does not seem to be able to do so in a duration of time that is acceptable or will allow me to concentrate on writing any time soon (in fact with a quick calculation, at the current rate the novel would not be proofread until about sixty or seventy years from now).
To make a long story short (heh), I need a new proofreader and I was wondering if any of you feel confident enough in your English, both grammar and otherwise, to attempt proofreading my novel for me. I have been contemplating whether to ask or not for quite a while, but figured that it was better to just get it over with instead of postponing the inevitable - like pulling off a bandaid.
I have tried, but I simply cannot proofread it myself (because I wrote it, I seem to only read what is supposed to be written instead of what actually is), and I really need help if I am to have any hope of having this published.
...so, any volunteers?

[Shienvien]

I am confident enough that I could do it, as far as my knowledge of English goes. -I've actually informally looked over a few texts.
I've already said that I am much better at noticing everyone's else's mistakes than correcting my own, for the exact same reason of remembering what I intended to write and kind of losing my focus over it hence. ...And I tend to make quite a lot of mistakes in the initial text, mostly because it can be hard to follow what keys I hit if I'm typing some 140-160 words in a minute (Just how do those professional typers manage with their 200-word-per-minute requirement!?) and my thoughts occasionally leap into another direction mid-sentence, which in return leads to some quite queer and nonsensical formations. (The more tired I am, the more often the latter happens.)

Granted, I don't exactly have very much time to spare myself and I already have something to finish... But as far as it goes, chances are that I'd still be capable of finishing both quicker than your mentioned rate. (No, not 60-70 years. Consider around two months, and that is probably more than it'd realistically take. I simply won't risk giving out set deadlines for myself I am not completely certain I can definitely keep.) I'd also need a few specifications in that case- mixing UK English with US English etc. might not always be that good an idea...


(Pft, and Aemoten was actually quite silent the entire first night and day, only talking towards the evening and then mostly to Immanuel. The same with most of the next morning, till he woke up properly. Don't know when he managed to irritate Gerald so, unless it was for him realizing that the other is keeping something for himself and then persistently attempting to uncover it. -Which he, in retrospect, was quite likely to do.
Aemoten is not a constant talker in the sense of chatting with someone all the time on whatever topic; he mostly speaks up when he has something more-or-less informative to say or comment, though he more often than not can be quite elaborate on the matter. ...That unless he is agitated and, with Annabelle not failing to give him reasons to be, he might this far have left a slightly uncharacteristic impression of himself with his annoyed tirades. (Compared to the original of him I had, anyway.) )

[Dark Jack]

Really? You could/would really help? I'd never be able to fully express my gratitude! And two months - that sounds like a dream compared to the fact that my current proofreader has almost taken a year and has barely gotten past first chapter (apparently I am even more patient and naïve than Jaelnec)! It is written in US English - as I usually write in when RP'ing.
Well, if you're sure that you're willing and able... how should I send you the document? What is your email?

And I had a feeling that Aemoten might be like that, but I figured that even so your post made it sound like Aemoten also talked a lot when speaking to Immanuel, and he did discuss something with Gerald at their departure and asked again at their arrival, at least. I figured that if nothing else, Gerald would already be rather annoyed even before they left Shrubnest, only to be increasingly irritated from simply listening to Aemoten talk, even if it was not to him.

On a mostly unrelated note, I thought I'd point out that Gerald refers to others the way he does - both in speech, direct- and indirect thought - because he prefers to keep others at a distance from himself. That is why he refers to Aemoten as "the foreigner" or "the southerner", Jaelnec as "the Nightwalker", Annabelle as "the paladin" and so on, despite knowing their names full and well. Consider, he had known William for years back when he lived in Zerul City and would consequently be somewhat familiar with him, yet he only ever referred to him by his surname.

[xbriannova]

Interesting developments so far. I take it that no one has entered the church right? So that makes Annabelle alone. I'm rather perplexed as to why Immanuel's been put back into the background again- I'd rather his character be developed, same as everyone else. I'm gonna come up with another post again.

[Shienvien]

Yeah, the characters are still all scattered about where they arrived, except for Annabelle.
-I am likely going to post at some point later today/tomorrow myself.

@DJ: e-mail is probably the easiest way, I figure. I'll send you the address via PM in a few.

[xbriannova]

Okay, I've posted. Hope it's not too bad. I hope the rest of you post soon. It's quite a sad thing to see that we haven't pulled ourselves out of the Prophecy dark age just yet.

Best of luck helping DJ! I wanna see that book! Though it'd likely take time before I could procure it from the local bookshops in Singapore.

[Dreadlord]

Immanuel is always in the background. 'Cuz you know, those are the people you gotta watch. Or something.

[Hymusia]

Name: Thaler (Fae-la) / Black sun.

Age: 45

Race: Daywalker

Sex: Female

Occupation: Thief/ Rogue/ Assassin/ Beggar.

Appearance: Thaler is not unsuaul for Daywalker standards but she does stick out. She stands at a proud five feet five with a frame lithe and willowy in constitution. Enough to make a free deigan jealous, her features are fair enough set with the mix of human and Nightwalker giving her high cheekbones and an almost heart shaped face. Her hair tumbles back in a short cut wavy mess of white reaching only her chin where lips pale; almost blue, were kept often slightly parted and twisted faintly in confusion. Her most astonishing point; though no more so than any other of her kind, were her eyes, white from corner to corner without trace of any colour and often leaving a person spooked.

She also possessed the same pale skin of her nightwalker parent, as soft and milky white as the moon above, which lead her to keep a cloak on at all times during the day lest she be burned by the suns rays. The cloak itself is of a dark black hue, lined with a white silken lining, she wears a pair of strong black walking boots which are tucked into black breeches that hug her hips closely. As if this did not contrast badly enough her top was also as black as night falling just short of her navel leaving her stomach exposed to all those who saw. The sleeves of her shirt were however long enough to fall part way over her fingers, concealing what they were often doing.

She took with her a cane of fine black stained wood which she ‘felt’ the area in front of her with when she walked, she wore little jewellery but a small silver band, plain to those who could see ‘too’ well but holds enough sentimental value to be kept close at all times and worn on her right hands ring finger.

As Black Sun: She looses both the cane and cloak and wears instead a black scarf about her eyes. The only other thing about her is a tattoo that spans across her naval and the bared flesh which depicts a tribal sun sprawling its great rays towards her hips, chest and legs, as black as ink on paper white skin.

Personality: Ones who are just meeting Thaler are often bewitched by the innocent and seemingly harmless exterior shell of the girl. She comes across as sweet, even shy and gentle and often can be easily lost or confused as people move around her. Most often she keeps to herself and rarely speaks of her past, parents or any family, opting instead to readily change the subject.

In truth however she is quite cold hearted, she knows how to work her ‘disability’ to her advantage and uses any means necessary to get a job done, whether that means the theft of a piece of art work or the ‘removal’ of a nuisance person. She calculates and schemes and even then people will not know the real her.

She in truth is a terrified girl, with no place in the human world and no idea how or even if she would be accepted back by ‘Nightwalker society’; what little there is of it, she feels vulnerable and lost and in times alone she will turn her face to the moon and allow it’s light to bath her with its serenity and calm. She does not regret the things she does, but she neither takes great pride; or if she does she is courteous enough not to brag.

Thaler in the end is like the Moon, you only ever see one face of it and you will very likely never see the full picture.

Biography: Once upon a time a female Nightwalker fell in love with a human male, they began a life together in earnest and had a child. This child they named Thaler, they knew from the beginning her life would be a difficult one, but the mother taught her daughter not to despair at her lack of sight and spoke legends of the ‘Knights of the Will’ who never needed their sight but could feel the approach and attacks of an enemy. Who fought valiantly and strong against the evil of the world.
Thaler grew up with such tales filling her brain and her father took to teaching her how to read environments and areas and even how to use her own voice to stop herself from walking into objects or injuring herself. She grew up and he grew old and died.

Her mothers grief was all encompassing and lead to a situation from which she would not allow herself to walk away from alive. After a drunken man had decided to try and claim her as his own she had taken her life leaving Thaler and orphan with no family.

Thaler though clung to the memory of the voices she had heard and with the walking stick her father had once used set out in the world with the intention of finding the Knights of the will and learning from them. Alas years passed and circumstances changed.

A group of rebels took her in and taught her the art of pick pocketing and theft, these rebels crushed by a stronger faction of miscreants who liked the Daywalker enough to take her in and taught her how to fight and hunt using her ears rather than her eyes.

When they parted ways; though the circumstances of this are unexplained, she was quite capable of fending for herself, she takes contracts from those who have no desire to be seen and fulfils them with a professional quality that leaves her customers satisfied.

With the money she made she owns a quiet little house on the edge of a human town out of the sight of most people. It is modestly furnished, but cosy and safe and somewhere she never touches business at, leaving it free of any possible repercussions. A second ‘home’ is owned out in the woods that borders the city, this too is modestly furnished and is the place she conducts business under her alias.



Relations: Thaler was told once that her great grandfather was a knight of the will, though she is uncertain of the solidity of the fact herself she is indeed a descendant of that noble order and some nightwalkers might still know this.

About town Thaler is considered a fragile beauty, her popularity with the townsfolk and guard leaving her with good relations with both. Especially one Captain Thadeus who makes a habit of guiding her about her daily walk to the bread shop and back though has never said why; and she’s never pushed it, though most other townsfolk kid about the feelings of the young guard captain for the crippled orphan.

Black Sun however is considered a nuisance by any town or family she has destroyed or robbed. She is hunted but few know for sure what she looks like leaving them even more mortified than usual. One such family by the name of Kal’il has suffered with the loss of it’s family treasure and soon after the suicide of the head of house over such a loss. Kal’il’s eldest son, Garivideous has declared he will hunt and find the Black Sun and bring her to his idea of justice.

Thaler has met few races outside of humanity and her Mother’s own and thus has no relations good nor bad with them, though her appearance and species often keep most from getting too close to her.

Physical Abilities: At first glance Thaler would appear to have none, however the dexterous abilitiesof her body and in particular her fingers leave most stunned and amazed. She is capable of picking locks with the ability of a Niin and can bend her body in ways that can be considered contortionist in style. Further more she is agile enough to climb and jump over rooftops (with varying success sadly). She is incredibly gifted with the staff she carries; which hides within it a sheathed blade that can be wielded with one handed ease like a rapier.

Mental Abilities: As Thaler her abilities seem to stop at pouring hot water without burning herself, but in truth her mind is her strongest weapon, she is increadly sensitive to vibrations, able to feel footfalls from up to fifteen feet away, a horse from twenty, and feel the subtle vibrations of a shaking man through a table or chair. Almost spider like is her touch in that any vibration, not sound, she can pick up and pin point. Her hearing is quite acute too and by ‘clicking’ she can gauge not only the shape and density of an object but the width between gaps, the ripeness of fruit, even what an item is made of.

Meaning she can naturally sense traps, figure out more complex locks and even be able to realise when a platoon of guards are waiting for her in the dark.

Magical Abilities: She seems to have few that are known, however the fact that the ‘black sun’ is rarely seen, and that none have made the connection between Thaler and her alter ego could in itself be called magical.

The only ability that Black Sun/Thaler wield is the ability of a ‘command word’ this word is a one on one based spell (meaning even if she’s surrounded it will only work on one person) and has a duration of thirty seconds. She has only ever used this ability at most three times a day and never more than that. The ‘command word’ basically works as an order that the brain of the ‘victim’ is compelled to follow out. It has to be short and works better with a single word than a short sentence. The words only have power to make the victim do something they wouldn’t be morally or spiritually opposed of. For Example she would not be able to make a pacifist peace loving man murder another person. Nor would she be able to make a noble man who valued their life kill themselves. Most often she uses the command word ‘forget’ which causes the memory of her to instantly become nothing more than a blurred shadow and a whisper on the wind.


Footnote: Thaler is not the trustworthy sort but she does hold her Mother’s code to heart, she will never betray a client (unless they betray her first) and once becoming an ally with someone she will not turn upon or dishonour them.

[xbriannova]

A very interesting character! So a daywalker's basically the offspring of a human and a nightwalker? But I take it that she has no immunity against the light right (although being blinds grants her an immunity against being blinded by bright light)?

[Hymusia]

Yeah it is listed in the races as that. As well a the weaknesses/strengths so I thought I'd make one.