[quote=AmazinglyVivid]
I went ahead and changed out both weapons! Sorry about the Evicerator thing, that was a silly mistake. I had all of the shotguns open in separate tags when I was trying to figure out which one I wanted her to use, so I guess I just got confused. I originally put down the Blood Pack pistol just because it's always my favorite for asari vanguards in game. But I thought about how much you've emphasized stats not being that important in the RP, anyways, and downgraded a bit!I apologize in advance about lore mistakes! I used wiki to double check a lot of what I put down, but just went with my memory from the games for other aspects. That's probably where most errors in that regard came from, haha. I'll give it another read over myself. There are some bits left over from one of my first drafts that I think I still have to remove, anyways. Also, you should know that I'm heavily considering changing her to have been, primarily, a smuggler. I feel like it might fit with the character concept I was trying to go with -character who wants to be the exciting badass criminal but actually really dislikes killing, among other things- a bit better. So I guess it's still sort of a WIP. But I'd still very much welcome any critiquing on what I already have, so that I don't make any of the same mistakes again!
[/quote]

Alrighty, time to whip out ye olde sheet comb. [I]Dun, dun, duuuun![/I]

The weapon thing was addressed, so rock on! The part where the Eviscerator's date comes from the wiki, [I]The Lieberschaft 2180 shotgun, or "Eviscerator," is of human civilian design and has a unique ammunition generator. Where most modern firearms shave off chips or pellets from an ammunition block, the M-22 shaves off serrated metal edges designed to fly aerodynamically. This dramatically improves its armor-piercing capabilities, and its tight grouping ensures lethality at longer ranges than standard shotguns. This design violates several intergalactic weapons treaties, so the M-22 is not distributed to militaries.[/I]

 Sadly, we're two years short of happy fun shotgun times. [I]Sigh.[/I] The problems with these prequel games is sometimes the fun toys haven't been invented yet. 

First bit of lore wonkiness that stuck out was quarians attending school with other children on the Citadel; this simply would not be the case, if not for the fact that their people are generally seen as pariahs and thieves to the rest of the galactic community and probably wouldn’t want them living in the neighbourhoods (plus, C-Sec harassment. You saw how that one quarian was being treated when the volus accused her of stealing his credit chit in the second game, or when Tali is telling you about that other officer that was basically being a dick to her when she arrived on the Citadel with a bullet wound in the third game), but also because unless a quarian is exiled or voluntarily leaves the Migrant Fleet (not an easy choice, and the vast majority of quarians would never do that), they’re already educated and out on their pilgrimage as young adults where they’re living in various places trying to find something to bring back to the fleet. Imagining quarian children living in the Wards, especially without the proper facilities to really maintain the sanitary environments to keep themselves alive in their suits. There’s probably a handful of quarians who somehow took up residence in the Citadel on their pilgrimage, but they’d be doing their best to be keeping out of trouble so they don’t draw unwanted attention, given the stigma attached to them. Long story short, there’s very little chance that Saseen would have had any quarian friends growing up, let alone met one in her life.

Her turian pirate friends would be very suspect, given that turians are conscripted into civil service for 15 years as demonstrated from the Wiki, 

[I] Turians are noted for their strong sense of public service. It is rare to find one who puts his needs ahead of the group. Every citizen from age 15 to 30 serves the state in some capacity, as anything from a soldier to an administrator, from a construction engineer to a sanitation worker. Turians have a strong inclination toward public service and self-sacrifice, so they tend to be poor entrepreneurs. To compensate, they accepted the mercantile volus as a client race, offering protection in exchange for their fiscal expertise. [/I]

As you might recall talking to Garrus, turians are “a hard bunch to please”, given how much emphasis on personal responsibility and serving society is placed on the individual. If a turian entered military service, there’s a very real chance that the only way they’re leaving it before their job is done is by being dishonourably discharged and shifted to some menial service job or in jail. If they deserted and became criminals (which obviously they are, being pirates), there’s very little chance that they’d be able to dock at the Citadel without drawing the attention of C-Sec, and keeping in correspondence with Saseen would implicate both of them, especially if their communications were being monitored, which is a real threat for people who might well be known criminals. You might wish to examine this angle or edit it a bit, because turians are rather unforgiving and there’s very little chance Saseen would be able to run off to join a pirate band and then come back without repercussion (if it was implied she ever returned past communicating with her family). So basically, when she leaves to be a pirate, it’s probably meaning she’s not going back home without very convincing fake credentials. 
The Tuchanka visit probably wouldn’t have occurred for the simple reason that it’s in the krogan DMZ, which his generally very monitored by Citadel authorities and it’s extremely dangerous for off worlders to go there. She probably wouldn’t have been able to go there outside of a clandestine operation. In ME2, Shepard was only welcome because his/ her ties to Wrex, and the one krogan’s girlfriend was invited there personally, and we all know Wrex is a big old softie. Tuchanka’s a very dangerous place, very few people in the right mind would go there willingly, especially without a good reason.

Other than that, the story’s very good. :) Like I said, just a few silly little lore things I thought should be addressed. The longish explanations are just so my justifications make sense and where I’m coming from. Overall, I quite like Seseen. And they weren't really mistakes so much as little things that you have to read between the lines with sometimes or recall some obscure conversations from the games to get the complete picture, and there's always the possibility I'm grossly wrong about something, which happens from time to time (Shocking, I know!).