She didn’t struggle against his grip on her wrists, in truth she had been unaware of her own desperate clawing. It had just been one more pain in an ocean of pain and it’s cessation didn’t reach her nearly so well as his words. 

That wasn’t to say his words made full sense to her, but they made her pause. They made her stop in her self-flagellation to try to follow them. His tone was not mocking, at least not toward her and that more than anything made her cock her head to the side, a strange bird like gesture to make the fine curve of her ear more a bowl that could catch and hold the words before they spilled out. The words they caught were simple and somehow profound.

She had balls. 

She had balls, big ones. The thought made her giggle just a little and if the giggles had more than a little madness in them it wasn’t unwarranted. The tears that still fell trembled on her lashes danced to the rhythm of her giggles before spilling sideways down her cheeks.

He was right, even in her crazed state, aching and a “hot mess” she had to see the truth of parts of what he said. She was a good first mate, she knew her work and excelled at it. She was an even better doctor. And she had balls. She would take in the rest of his words and consider them when she was more whole. Perhaps more truth could be found in them. He was a surprising man after all, stranger things had happened. 

She giggled again and slipping her injured hands out from his slackened grasp she twined them around his neck and allowed herself a quick embrace from the maddening man whose words made a strange sort of sense. She was broken, but so were they all. She just needed to line her pieces up again and all would be well. She no longer felt like her best answers lay down a long dark barrel. She did not feel the need to see if she was brave enough to pull the trigger. 

She had balls, what need had she for an easy way out?

Moreover she had no cause to see the man who had broken her again, she would stay on the Skate until they left port. It was as simple as that. She stood, loosely twining her fingers with his and pulling him with her. 

“You should come with me. We will get bottles of whatever you like, we will go to my cabin and I will read to you and you will read to me while we get so drunk the words dance even better than those dressed up dogs in heat we just left. And when those words are good and dancing I will maybe show you my balls.”