I'll be working on an Empire character and he'll be up within a day or two if all goes well. 

[quote=Lyfe] -insert template here-[/quote]

Refused. Asked specifically to go over this by Piercing Light while he prepares his templates.

My biggest issue and not necessarily his, was your history. Ninshuu became Ninjutsu over time with the original teachings of the Sage being pretty much lost, yet a wealthy man with no direct tie to a shinobi lifestyle has all these people carrying on the original teachings and you even claim the Sage's relatives, which there shouldn't really be any, are teaching a bunch of kids the original teachings. This wasn't the worst, but it goes to show that you're stressing your self-importance a lot more with this. 

Moving on, you master kenjutsu by twelve, which is REALLY bold to say, but still not my biggest issue here. So this wealthy guy adopts your character, lets you learn from the best, and takes care of you with no dark motives implied whatsoever. Your character repays this by murdering everyone there including the man, going on to murder the rest of the people without just cause, but the icing on the cake had to be him going BACK to his orphanage to burn alive all of those kids and the people that took care of him before with, once again, no just cause provided. On top of this, he hunts down his entire family, once again no justification provided in doing it. So after he murders all these people, so far reason unfounded, he decides he wants to ...change the world and 'revolutionize' how shinobi communicate. Then Empire wipes them out. Alright.

So we go from harsh beginnings child, to child who is a prodigy and masters things quickly, to murderous young man that kills people who never wronged him and most of his family, to ex-assassin member. Now I can take it to this point, but then you moved on to something that made no sense to me whatsoever. Your character works in Konoha now as a 'mercenary' when they have an able military force already. On top of this, he's 14 at the time, and I don't think Konoha is so desperate as to use a 14 year old mercenary. This might've worked on villages that were much more down on their luck if he traveled, but I can't exactly see Konoha using him. This is where I begin to fall apart on believing this story. Besides how HARD you've tried to make this guy a tragic character when most of the tragedy was caused by himself, you decide that Konoha somehow believes a guy unaffiliated with Konoha will enter their elite unit and lead it within a year.

Huh? 

Okay, if Konoha doesn't background check this kid, which I think they would've if he walked into the village with arms, then you might've had a chance to get away with it. But you're implying that they are SO lax and carefree about who they allow to represent them on missions that they will take this murderous young guy and put them on ANBU with no questions asked. You've made it clear in your template that his only allegiance is to himself and his loyalty is only to himself. Couple this loner attitude with no loyalty to Konoha nor relation to it, and throw in a little murderous background, and you'd find that no one sane would take this kid and put them on their elite units, only the desperate ones would. Kenji Uchiha would NOT allow this guy anywhere in ANBU, consider it lucky he'd even be allowed to remain in the village given he has murdered innocent people. I would know because he's my character. This won't work for you, Konoha is not depraved and desperate enough to let a murderous cutthroat represent them. He is unapologetic about everything he's done over the years and holds no remorse for the people he killed in his early years. You can be a renown swordsman all you'd like, but what he's done isn't tolerated there. Rework your history to be a little more sensible please because its all over the place.

Your KG-stealing butterfly I'm iffy on but Piercing said its passable, but you cannot take doujutsu, this means no temporary Sharingan, Byakugan, anything of the sort. Also keep in mind having the capacity to perform techniques doesn't immediately imply you know how they all work either. You probably should've detailed that much better.

Your canon techniques are acceptable given your theme, but your custom ones kill it from here. I'm all for creativity in templates and I feel the more creative you are in templates, the better received you will be in the eyes of your peers. But the central issue is that some people attempt to do too much at once and it comes off as tryhard and obnoxious. I'm cool with one or two jutsu not demanding handsigns given in Naruto they dropped the idea that high-level techniques demanded plenty of handsigns, but you do way too much and its to the point you can literally oneshot a character before they even know what happens. 

We can't look at you or we're in a genjutsu. We can't look at your weapons or we're in a genjutsu. If we're hit once we suffer for a long time and it feels like absolute murder to the point a papercut feels like 'death'. In other words you make it almost impossible to ever enjoy a fight with you, and this is the flaw with genjutsu in general. Genjutsu isn't a 'fun' concept and thus we don't see it often in canon because its not exciting to deal with, and a chore for anyone to fight. Your entire theme makes it so you combine Genjutsu and swordplay. Okay. Cool. Yet its to the point that we need to keep away from you at all times to have any chance at fighting you, and even then by looking at you we're in a genjutsu again, so where is the fun factor here? YES, YES we could dispell the genjutsu, but before we know it we're in another one, and so we need to keep dispelling it or lose each time. 

So you have ALL these tools to be relevant in every situation, and on top of this have a magical butterfly that can just take someone's dna and chakra, and you have access to their techniques and arguably their KG? I've seen templates like this before, Piercing Light has seen templates like this before, and let me tell you: its not fun to deal with people like this on a competitive level where even if we have the means to win, we still lose because you create jutsu and circumstances that don't allow you to be outclassed. The identity of your character is jumbled, and your moveset is a nightmare and hair-pulling doesn't begin to express the sheer irritation we would feel by competing with you at any point.

You hype him up from birth as some godlike figure who can do anything better than most people, yet at 14-15 he has to suddenly work hard for 9 months straight to do something good? So from genius to hard worker. You take him from a tragic background into a lifestyle that makes him comfortable and knowledgeable, and then you make him tragic again by destroying everyone he ever knew and didn't wrong him? So tragic, to second chance, to self-tragic again. 

You do not seem to know what you want to do with this character other than hype up your self-importance, and BY NO MEANS IS THIS JUST YOU! Other templates submitted have hyped up their self-importance and in the world of Naruto this isn't anything unusual. But your moveset is anti-fun, your history and allegiance doesn't add up at the 'endgame' and he'd likely never find a place in Konoha's military unless there was some redemption he had planned but he's the cause of most of his own tragedy so I don't see how this struggle is going to come into the rp. He doesn't have remorse for anything he's done, so there's no growth to come from what he's done before this rp even starts. So he has no means to grow either. He's just some 'bad ass' you hyped up and there's absolutely nothing to be done with him other than grit your teeth and struggle through an endless genjutsu war. And you even had to make him a sensor too. So we can't even HIDE from this guy if we wanted to. Zero weakness in almost every situation imaginable, he will always be relevant. You intended for him to be recognized as someone powerful and incredible, congratulations, he's too powerful and his 'incredible' aspects don't allow any growth to come from interactions. What's left for him?

Fix some of the issues I've mentioned and try again. If my analysis is too harsh for you and you no longer wish to join the group, then you're free to do that too.