*soft laugh* I've been down the depression road. 

I'll skip the story until another time, but I've been out of work for nearly a year. I got so depressed that I didn't care to live. Didn't actively try to kill myself, but knew in my soul that if there was a way I could just... stop living... step out of my life like shedding a pair of jeans, I would do it in a heartbeat. I just gave up.

I'm doing more or less better now, depending on the day and who you ask. My depression never came with body pain like this, though. The point just at the base of my neck and directly between my shoulder blades... hurts. It feels just stiff and awful and neither pain meds or a hot shower are doing anything for it. I likely can't afford a massage or chiropractor- even if I could the idea of strangers touching me is really, really really repulsive.

*rubs face* I don't know what to do. I mean, my medical doc isn't horrible, but the first time I went to his office and he saw the meds I was on (most of them anti depressants) he said, semi jokingly, that I was too young to be depressed. As if I had some magical youth armor that prevented the disease. Joke's on him, I've been that way since about 12. I just don't feel he'd understand what I was going through. I don't want pain meds. I have enough medication. I hate the fucking medication.

I'm sorry. Gonna cut the rant here because I feel myself sort of getting scattered. Plus I promised myself breakfast (egg sandwiches, yay) if I got out of bed on time, and I did, so I'm going to go cook.