Now that I've written my basic idea down, I can flesh out the characters. I should have something by tomorrow.

Sounds good Data.

I have been regularly looking back at peoples sheets for updates, though posting about updates in the ooc never hurts.

When we get started and sheets are accepted, they'll be linked on the second post to save hunting for them.

Gowia, your sheet is good thus far, my only question being whether the First Bank is located in the Presidium or on the Wards.

Data, your sheet is good with the updates, and Bob is good too.

Keep at folks, more reviews as I get to them.

Sovi3t

Your sheet presently has many flaws.
First, I require names for your leaders beyond aliases. Just because someone is known primarily by an alias does not mean they do not have a name. Since the material on the sheet is not common knowledge to other players, there is no excuse to not include names.

Secondly, specifics. Fighters are expensive craft in their own right, and powerful when used correctly. I need numbers for them. I also need numbers for any space stations and depots on Omega or planetside, saying you have 'many' of them is unacceptable. Remember, this is an environment in which players will battle other players, and anywhere this occurs, specificity is absolutely required.

Thirdly, your history. While it could potentially make for an interesting read to view alliance (or other outside forces) records on an organisation, it entirely defeats the purpose of the history section. That section is to give me a good indication of the genesis and goals of the organisation from a largely impartial standpoint, as well as an audition for your knowledge of the setting and writing skills. All this section has told me is that they like to avoid the Alliance.

Fourthly, mail?
You know there is a Galaxy spanning Extranet right? And that email is standard, especially since most people have either an omni-tool or easy access to an extranet service...
If parcels need to be sent there are plenty of legit cargo shipping companies that would include that as part of their basic service. I simply don't see the need for such a thing in the Mass Effect universe.

Finally, the carrier cannot be old and found. Carriers have not been around long enough for that. Carriers were invented by humans when they arrived in the galactic community thirty years ago, in that time the other races rushed to develop them and build them. They are a fairly rare ship type and too few have been lost or decomissioned to have one left just floating about space for someone to find. I may be allowing you a carrier, but you'll need a better reason than that for why you have it.

Oh look, something shiny.

I have added two more character sheets with one more to do and I have added in that the FIrst Bank is in the presidium.

Mosis my friend, your total number of ships doesn't line up with the breakdown.
Also, you've got quite a few contacts in the intelligence business... Nadene planning on going bigger than Riptide?
Otherwise, accepted.

Sep, with changes thus far, you can be accepted once you fix that hider.

Well, I have started on my NS. Do you like my sexy logo for my group?

Why yes Rare, I do. Also, I cry every time I see your profile pic...

Gowia, these additional characters are still looking good. Also can you give a number on your yachts?

I'll post my other major charca later, however am I still allowed to have supporting chars like repersentives or messages etc

And I fixed my NS, if the history is short tell me

Sundered Echo said
Why yes Rare, I do. Also, I cry every time I see your profile pic...Gowia, these additional characters are still looking good. Also can you give a number on your yachts?

I can do. Should have done that by tomorrow.

I'm trying to decide if Bankers would like a giant floating casino or hate it.

It is a good place to launder money one hand.

Sep said
I'm trying to decide if Bankers would like a giant floating casino or hate it.It is a good place to launder money one hand.

Make it into a giant hotel, Casino ,Swimming pool etc

If you check, I got gambling, bedrooms, strippers and a gladiator ring.

Might add a couple of spas but no pools.

And there we go! Sheet is up on the first page.

There is one glaring giant issue here now Sovi3t, and I quote from the sheet:

Sovi3t said The question remains however how this pirate faction has remained intact for all these years is one that eludes even the senior of Alliance and other Military personal, most pirate factions either are murdered by some sort of Coup d’état from the inside. Or the military catches wind and sends an armada to capture the Pirates.

Thats a really good question. How have you managed to avoid getting crushed by the superpower that is the Systems Alliance? Not to mention the Turians and Mercs. The reason piracy works is because they pick their targets well. Targets that don't fight back much or at all. Raiding combat patrols makes for a very swift end for most pirates. Doing it regularly while also raiding weapons shipments belonging to pretty much everyone inspires dedicated taskforces to hunt you down and make you go away.

And thats without talking about the carrier.

Carriers are dreadnought sized fleet centerpiece ships and command vessels. One of the reasons the Alliance invented them was to bypass the restriction on Dreadnoughts imposed by the Treaty of Farixan. Ships that big require incredible amounts of resources to build, and are vital strategic pieces. They never go anywhere without a small armada of escorts. One does not simply steal a carrier in active use. Even the Blue Suns would have a hard time facing one and its support fleet down and winning, much less taking it intact. Even supposing you succeeded, you'd be hunted down for possessing a powerful strategic asset, mostly so they could get it back.

You'll need a better reason than that if you want to keep the carrier. Sep is only allowed his because the whole ship was fundamentally flawed and not worth the resources for converting it to a cruise liner in the eyes of the Batarian government.

Unfortunately, this is combined with a number of failures to research and an apparent ignorance of the finer points of Mass Effect Lore that all together suggest to me that this is not the game for you. I am sorry Sovi3t, but I am denying this sheet in its entirety.

Ah, well can I Still make a new one or..

I rather suspect that the result would be the same, as this sheet followed almost the exact same chain of events as your submission to Mass Effect: Wanted.

---

Dervish, your sheet is accepted.

Oh, well OK.. Good luck I guess

Sep said
I'm trying to decide if Bankers would like a giant floating casino or hate it.It is a good place to launder money one hand.

If they could have the Casino's accounts and use it for the laundering of money they would LOVE it because it's a service providing income and so difficult to measure exactly and so keeps the laundering hidden well. Perhaps a deal needs to be struck...

Also for anyone out there I might be in need of a private security firm at time to time so anybody who wants a retainer...