[quote=Tempest]
I'll just outright and say a few things after -trying- to read your sheet.Using improper grammar, throughout your entire CS is like an eye-sore to read. Its painful. Its hard to get what you mean. Its not fitting the purpose that a CS is meant to have... IE) Introducing your character, giving a quick and easy layout of their talents, what they are, etc, and to demonstrate your writing capabilities.Your 'second school of magic' isn't really a school of magic at all. It is also taking what is actually someone else's unique ability. Which is unique.Mechanist weapons, aka) Guns naturally have a ridiculous reload time. They're 1 shot flintlock weapons. A normal one takes about a round to load in order to fire off safely. Leave alone a massive one like an elephant gun... Furthermore, I'm not sure how much your elephant gun kind of seems off... Its a massively unwieldy weapon and of very powerful nature given its basically a small cannon. I don't know what to think because for one of my characters, I used a unique to get a specially mechanist blunderbuss with AoE and fire properties... You're asking for one with increased damage, a heavy weight you can apparently heft around as a small goblin, and the ammunition to do so... with a rather fast reload speed for the weapon given its size, munition and your size...
[/quote]

Well....nuts. [s]Why did nobody say anything when I posted this months ago, crap.[/s]

Anyways, going over the issues one by one.

1. Bad Grammar: The idea was to make it a bit different from other character sheets and to give a bit of flair to it. That said I can definitely see where you're coming from. Given the ridiculous length of the CS though...I'd really rather avoid rewriting all of that before hearing what Brovo has to say about it. :(

EDIT: Actually, would it still work if I just swapped everything for proper grammar versions? Or is the first person perspective also bad?

2. Magic School: Yeah I was afraid of that. The thing I'm having trouble with is, he's supposed to be something of a utility magic character, able to make potions and such and not be really a powerhouse. The main trouble I'm running into is I don't know how he's supposed to be the kind of adaptable utility caster with exactly 2 magic schools to his name, without bending the rules a bit. Also, LoR 2 had an Arcane school, which (I think) did roughly the same thing, possibly with more versatility. If you guys have any ideas for two good magic schools I'd love to hear them though. :)

3. Firearm: Ah, I didn't quite realize it took [i]that[/i] long to reload the weapon. I'll probably have to rethink his specialty weapon then. The thing I'm wondering is...if they take that long to reload the normal type ones, why would you ever actually use it as opposed to a bow, which you can fire plenty fast? Personally I disagree that it'd be too strong for a small character, as long as it's proportioned right. Otherwise you'd be horribly hampered just by using a small character (well, moreso than normal :/).

[s]Just my thoughts, please don't eat me. :P[/s]