[b]@Gat:[/b]
[img]https://i.imgur.com/3YuVnAv.gif[/img]

[b]@Rayne Night:[/b] Alrighty, here we go. Because your biographies are so long, don't be surprised when I note a few (or a lot, depending on perspective) of changes that need to be made.

[hider=Donovhan, Mage Hunter][b]Biography[/b]

[i]*Note:[/i] Some of these things are points you likely might not be able to know unless someone told you, so don't feel like I'm beating up on you or berating you. These are points I've often told others as well, usually through an instant messenger. Also, major points need addressing. Minor points can be brushed over.

[i]Major[/i]
[b]#1:[/b] Elite mage hunters in the Templar Order... The Templar Order [i]are[/i] already elite anti-mages. :hehe No need to reinvent the wheel.
[b]#2:[/b] The civil war has only been going on for ten years, and it's a major part of the history of Rheinfeld. Not mentioning it at some point is surprising.
[b]#3:[/b] So your character uses their spirit to defend themselves from magic? That's not how anti-magic works. Anti-magic is created through magic.
[b]#4:[/b] Donovhan is trained exclusively in methods of anti-magic. Encounters a situation that involves unholy magic, and he... Gets... Completely wasted? Why? Did his anti-magic suddenly fail him? If not, then why is he still alive, but Oleg is dead? Is it because the demon killed Oleg? Why didn't the demon kill Donovhan then?
[b]#5:[/b] So your character's dad was a crusader? Or was he a soldier? Or was he a militia man? Did he become militia after serving as a crusader? Why is there like, a 63 year old man in the militia? Crusaders can retire now?
[b]#6:[/b] He's banished and given no reasons whatsoever. He seems alright with this. Also his dad and best bud Oleg are dead. He also seems alright with this. No resistance, no questions, just... Leaves.
[b]#7:[/b] The elite mage hunter subgroup within the Templar Order would not have the authority to banish people from the entire kingdom, leave alone from the Templar Order. If they seriously did this, they would be disbanded immediately, as it threatens the ultimate authority of the Templar.
[i]Minor[/i]
[b]#8:[/b]Somehow cultists build a giant underground facility beneath a house in a town without anyone noticing at any point.
[b]#9:[/b] Somehow Donovhan is the only one to survive the incident despite being at ground zero.
[b]#10:[/b] For some reason the demon did not kill Donovhan, but it killed Oleg, his best friend, who was standing right beside him. Presumable.
[b]#11:[/b] Somehow his mother retrieves him and heals him from that nightmare.
[b]#12:[/b] Who sent him the parchment? Why would he receive a parchment? Also, Renalta has two Queens.
[b]#13:[/b] His motivation is to rejoin the order that threw him out without rhyme or reason and who for all tense and purposes have been horrible punishing towards him for no more reason than that he has corruption. Instead of helping him figure out what's going on, they're just literally abandoning him... Why is his motivation to join the Queen's Blades, a force that fights demons, to be ultimately to rejoin a group of people who have shown disdain and hatred towards him for reasons out of his control and who don't care at all to help him save himself?

[b]Uniques[/b]

I like the way you formatted your uniques, it made it very easy on the eyes. :sun

[b]Note:[/b] Your character will start at second level, to keep on par with the others. This means upgrading one standard trait and adding one standard trait, as well as upgrading one custom trait and adding one custom trait. Keep this in mind as I'm reviewing your character's level [b]one[/b] starting bonuses, and you could retain some of it with a level up.

The concept of a bloodling is acceptable, however, keep in mind that the more powers and abilities you stack in a single unique, the less overall effectiveness that unique is going to have. (Think of it this way. 1 Ability unique = 1.0 efficiency. 2 abilities unique = 0.6 efficiency to each ability. 3 abilities unique = 0.4 efficiency to each. So on and so forth. That's not the exact way the math is done, but it's simplified to give you an idea of what you're working with.)

[b]+ Basic control of his own heartbeat, lessen bleeding and infection chances[/b] <- Acceptable.
[b]+ Basic detection of Holy and Demonic entities[/b] <- Stick to demonic only.
[b]+ Able to hear heartbeats within 3 - 4 meters[/b] <- Interesting, and I just wanted to point out that it's an unorthodox way of detecting last second assassins.
[b]_________+ Can differentiate someone who is alive, dead or undead[/b] <- Remove this. Those that have the power to hide their undead-ness are likely out of your league to detect anyway, and I don't think you need a power to tell if someone is dead... :hehe
[b]_________+ Can differentiate humanoids from other creatures[/b] <- Same thing as the "I don't think you need this as a power to be able to do it", remove it.
[b]_________+ Combined with Sharp, can find a creature’s heart after some time of concentration[/b] <- Acceptable addition to make a more specific variation to sharp, since you have the sharp skill as a prerequisite.
[b]_________- Large, tight crowds confuse his senses and render him nearly sick.[/b] <- Remove this, it's unnecessary as a weakness.
[b]- Light aura of demonic presence (Can be sensed by holy beings and those who can detect mages)[/b] <- Optional for you to leave it in. It was going to happen either way due to the demonic corruption.
[b]- Slight discomfort in holy places and near holy objects, discomfort near holy beings[/b] <- Same as above.

Mage Hunter might be a bit more problematic to balance around due to the nature of anti-magic in Renalta: Anti-magic is a two way street. It both affects positive and negative spells against your person and impacts your ability to cast magic yourself. Consider it the ultimate price, if you want to be immune to magic, that is [b]all[/b] magic. Atop this it takes a while to really become fully immune, due to the nature of magic. There aren't many that are fully immune, many simply have a high amount of resistance. Which still isn't anything to scoff at.

Also remember what I typed above, the more abilities you compound into one trait, the less overall effectiveness they will have.

[b]+ Advanced resilience against mind control and mind reading[/b] <- Upgraded specific Fortitude?
[b]+ Advanced weakness detection and ruse detection for mages and magic[/b] <- Better Sharp & Wells of Power? (Three standard upgrades in one trait.)
[b]+ Advanced detection of mages and magic[/b] <- Wells of Power again? (Four.)
[b]+ Advanced knowledge of how magic works (But can’t use it himself)[/b] <- Apprentice, though a unique can substitute for it to specifically focus on the magic knowledge, yes. (Five.)
[b]+ Ioss, a unique magic absorbing shield[/b] <- Atop the equivalent of five standard traits you've added a magic immune shield. This alone should be a trait, as magic immunity is immensely strong, leave alone a "toggleable" one where you can still receive the benefits of magic from allies without the negatives from enemies.

[b]Ioss[/b] – These rare shields are accustomed to most of the Mage Hunters that join the Order. This shield is a nearly weightless steel gauntlet fitted to the weak hand of the user. On command, it creates a transparent force shield that can absorb magic. Magical projectiles as absorbed and dispensed swiftly and weapons made purely of a spell or magic are disrupted for a moment and cannot be remade for a short period of time. Note that this does NOT stop weapons and projectiles that are enhanced by magic, BUT does negate the magical affects it may apply. Also note that this shield can only absorb a certain amount of magic before dissipating and re-energizing itself. 

[b]Disrupting Mace[/b] – Simple magically enhanced weapons made to disrupt magical protection on contact for a short period of time. <- You can't disrupt magic protection with a standard weapon. You could acquire one on your travels in the RP, but not on start.
[b]Disrupting Longsword[/b] – As disrupting Mace <- As Disrupting Mace. ;)

Note that I also slapped Raen with the "too much in one ability" criticism, so you aren't alone in getting this. A downfall of a system that implores you to go wild on creativity but still has power levels and dice rolls in the background.[/hider]

[hider=Elrithos Sand Runner]

[b]Biography[/b]

[b]#1:[/b] Note that priests in Rheinfeld still had magic powers even after the gods vanished. I'd assume the sand priests would also retain their powers.
[b]#2:[/b] The Nine Hells have not yet invaded. They're still spreading agents around and trying to get corruption and weaken threats.
[b]#3:[/b] The Blighted Lands are not really a livable place for an entire civilization. If they were, the Free Holds or Tuleria would already be on it, though I can ignore this, it's minor.
[b]#4:[/b] To get help from the Free Holds you'd have first passed all the way through Tuleria. You'd have to confirm with Tempest, but I think at least Boann would want to harbour the desert elves in their time of need, knowing he could ask them for help later against the potential civil war in his lands.
[b]#5:[/b] They're a desert nomadic people. If their lands are uninhabitable, they can move to deserts further north, likely in Tuleria, but I could still understand why they would want to get the Queen's Blades to support them in retaking it, if you do really want them to live there. Just try to avoid having them in imminent danger because chances are that either means the Queen's Blades have to immediately devote resources to quashing the threat, ending your character arc early, or abandon them to die, which would likely and logically result in your character leaving the Blades out of wrath.

[b]Uniques[/b]

[i]Runners of the Desert[/i]
[b]+ Increased resilience and pain tolerance[/b] <- Endurance 2?
[b]+ Increased Senses (Sight and hearing)[/b] <- Specific variation of sharp, it's fine. Would have granted hearing free anyway, being an elf.
[b]+ Resilient to Extreme climates (Hot and Cold)[/b] <- Minor trait so it's fine to just throw in.
[b]+ Minor resistance to Fire and Ice magic[/b] <- Likely related to the extreme climates, so this doesn't need to be separate and can fold in with the above ability.
[b]+ Increased endurance and cardio for Survival, Fights and Long Distance Runs[/b] <- Endurance 2?

Overall solid, ish. Though I'd pick either increased resilience and pain tolerance or increased endurance and cardio, not both.

[i]Ancient Aavikanian Warfare – Defend and Survive – Stage I:[/i]

[b]+ Advanced combat maneuvers and knowledge with swords and double bladed weapons[/b] <- Greater skill, okay.
[b]+ Basic deflection and parrying with two single edged swords in hand or double bladed weapons[/b] <- Presumed knowledge, unnecessary as an ability.
[b]+ Increased Dodging and Evasion against melee opponents (Must be aware of the danger)[/b] <- Slippery 2?
[b]+ Basic knowledge of Mounted Combat[/b] <- Presumed knowledge, unnecessary as an ability.
[b]+ Basic knowledge of combat with Spears and Bows[/b] <- Presumed.
[b]+ Sandblade – Special Aavikanian weapon[/b] <- Since it's just a special weapon that has no extreme characteristics beyond basically being a double edged staff, you can have this without needing to make it part of a custom trait to strengthen the trait overall.

Overall pretty balanced, you can easily upgrade it too. :sun[/hider]

The Templar has more issues than the desert elf. Still, work is needed.

A second post is on the way to address more RP-wide concerns, but I figured with how in depth this one got, it should be its own post for Rayne.