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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Stitches
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Stitches

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Is there anything else I need to fix with my application? You didn't reply last night.



Also, I've been reading through the IC posts to pass the time - Lynn and Jackalyn might get on well!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Ciphra
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Ciphra The Blind Seer

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Well had to rush it a little since I'm getting ready for classes today so hope it's up to advanced standards! (Haven't done advanced since the old guild...)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Leonerdo
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I hope I don't have to explicitly say that breaking things by sheer will is... odd, to say the least. But if it's something that can't be used on living things (and therefore instantly killing them), then I personally don't see much issue with it. I'm just curious regarding what you would consider a living thing, since some people can take the form of non-biological material, or forming chitin armor (such as Valjean). That chitin armor isn't a big deal if it can be broken off of Jean without actually endangering his life. Or maybe it does. I don't care. It really depends on Allen if he wants his character's armor being penetrated.

I only take up issue with the character, since blood-red hair doesn't naturally occur. Are those blackened fingertips and veins correlated with her shattering superpower? Otherwise, that seems really far-fetched too.

This is irrelevant, but I find it odd how there are so many destructive powers being made. There is not a lot of building or simple modification or situational abilities.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Mixtape Ghost N
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Mixtape Ghost N SOMETIMES EVЕN RICH NIGGAS GET LOST

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Valjean's shell is like an armor. He can harmlessly shed it, or molt to regenerate damage done to it. And I don't really mind if it's broken.

Alright, Stitches, I guess Jacklyn is accepted. Just actually post her in the deposit.

And since I'm horribly inconsistent, I aged Jaska back up to ten.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Stitches
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Stitches

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Hehe, wow, so reluctant! (I'm kidding, by the way, thank you for inviting me in after that minor slip-up with the powers.)

I don't suppose I could get a power rating before I place Jackal in the character deposit? Who will she be roomates with?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Mixtape Ghost N
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Mixtape Ghost N SOMETIMES EVЕN RICH NIGGAS GET LOST

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Alright, her rating is....

Other 5

She can be room mates with Sylvia.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Mixtape Ghost N
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Mixtape Ghost N SOMETIMES EVЕN RICH NIGGAS GET LOST

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-
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Stitches
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Stitches

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Brilliant, thank you so much!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Mixtape Ghost N
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Mixtape Ghost N SOMETIMES EVЕN RICH NIGGAS GET LOST

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Yeah, she's on the OP now.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by True Night
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True Night Friendly Neighborhood Forum Lurker

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Made a short post to get myself back into the action.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by InfernoBlaze
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InfernoBlaze Whiskyholic

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I have left Amanda's side True Night! :/
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by True Night
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True Night Friendly Neighborhood Forum Lurker

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I forgot to edit that part out, I mentioned that Red left then had her address him anyways. Fixed.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Jazzy
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Jazzy

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You all are cockblocking Matt so hard right now lol
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dragonbud
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Dragonbud SPACE ACE

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Jazzy said
You all are cockblocking Matt so hard right now lol


good
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by True Night
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True Night Friendly Neighborhood Forum Lurker

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Haha, mission accomplished.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Kalas
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Kalas "Time to party!"

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Yo! :D

Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by AgentFallenSoul
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AgentFallenSoul The Forsaken

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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Jazzy
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Jazzy

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Both of you should PM me. Allen and HWWB are... unhappy with the sheets and I want to help you guys out so that you can be included.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Luminous Beings
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Luminous Beings Not Greg.

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Okay, I'm one of three GMs, so my word isn't final, but here are my thoughts.

If Vance is going to be an ultracompetent fighter, that's okay, but he needs to have subsequent flaws. Being in the running for "Worst Childhood At the Academy" is okay, but being used as a child soldier by his father should have some pretty major psychological ramifications. If he's focused so much on fighting/physique, I feel like his academics would suffer as well. Vance doesn't need to be stupid, but just bear that in mind.

As far as his power goes, it's extremely powerful. Being able to absorb the kinetic equivalent of a 60 mile per hour car (I'm bad at science, but that is a tremendous amount of energy) is way too much. He's essentially unstoppable in close quarters attacks, and being able to channel that energy into solids, liquids, or gas, is also extremely volatile. If he absorbed a couple cars, he could probably make a swimming pool go from room temperature to boiling in about half a second, which is a little much.

Firstly, his power should be limited to his focusing on it. If someone puts a gun to his head and pulls the trigger while he's asleep, facing the other direction, etc, then I think it's fair for him to get killed by it. Additionally, he should have way lower of a maximum than a 60mph car. A train should never be within his capability: that's several tons moving at forty, forty five miles per hour (I don't know trains here but that sounds right). That's an ungodly amount of force. Those things have to start slowing down a long time before they want to stop. I'll let one of the more science-inclined GMs handle the specifics, but I think a set amount of joules/Newtons would be a reasonable limitation: exceeding that limit should make bad things happen. His body begins to run a fever as the energy's converted into thermal energy, his blood begins to boil, so on and so forth. There's only so much energy the human body can hold, and absorbing a car's way above that threshold. If he could hold that kind of power within himself, he could one shot pretty much anyone in the RP. Anything he absorbs over the limit should either 1) cause some Very Bad Things, which ramp up in lethality exponentially, or 2) he simply gets hit by the difference. I don't feel this nerfs him, as he can still empty his reservoirs and absorb some pretty big punches as long as he does so quickly enough. Applying kinetic energy into an object should be restricted to what he does with it-by which I mean, he can throw a baseball really fucking fast. I don't know if you meant to pour his energy into it, but that makes him way stronger (the boiling water example above) and he'd need some more serious weaknesses as a result. Additionally, given that everything has an equal and opposite reaction, he's going to have problems with efficiency. I think it's a cool power but there need to be some limitations so he's not at First Class Kevin Bacon's level. My ignorance with physics is probably already showing, so like I said I'll defer the specifics to Jazzy or Allen.

Annabella. I have a couple issues, but I think some of it is just hyperboilc speaking. Overall, she comes off as too well-rounded. She's very cute, carries herself perfectly, is small-framed and not muscular but has D cups and a four-pack, seems to have a lot of appearance issues (dislikes how attractive she is) and dresses a little too casually for a teacher. I don't think they could get away with leggings. She's one of the nicest people you could meet but is also described as being similar to a drill-sergreant when needed. I feel like you gloss over the Bipolar thing: Bipolar disorder isn't a "sorta" thing. If she's Bipolar, then you need to really flesh that out, but if she's not and you were just using that to emphasize her duality, my bad. For an extremely nice, gentle person, it's weird that she has this harsh side and enjoys training and fighting. I'm okay with a character being extremely nice, it will offset the number of assholes we have (not that assholes are bad, Lynn is probably the most annoying), but her compassion is a little extreme. She tries to help everyone and you don't really delve into the implications of that. Does she feel this maternal protectiveness because she lost her children? Does he take it too far and is she really overboard/helicopter-y? How does she handle the stress of getting to attached, and is she not afraid of attachment after what happened to her family? Being wide open and compassionate isn't what I'd expect from someone with her backstory, which is okay, but you should detail how she became that way a little more. Most people who endure things like that are the exact opposite. Her love for all people contradicts her harsh side-I don't want to be mean, but I fail to see how Bell can have a harsh side. She seems to like everyone. Idealism is, again, okay, but she is somewhat lacking in character flaws. I think you need to spend some time and flesh out what effects her unchecked optimism would have on her-is she overworked, does she have little time for herself and suffers physically/mentally as a result, is she struggling with aging, is she unable to reconcile with what happened to her kids, etc.

Her being great at lying and survival both seem really out of place. How did she get good at lying when she's brutally honest to people? When did survival skills get developed? If you have these they need to be explained. For example, Lynn is a street rat and subsequently she's good at pickpocketing, breaking into cars, etc. As a consequence, she had next to no formal education and is severely lacking in that category. As far as her history goes-well, this is nitpicky, but was there a particular reason why she was born in the Estate and not in a hospital? Is there a reason she was born with a full head of hair? Why were there rumors that she would be the chosen one of the metahuman clan? Being able to use her power so effectively before most babies can walk is also a little too much, I think. Furthermore, if she was a wunderkind with her power, why couldn't her shadow break out of the room? It was operating at a level way beyond a little girl. Also, her being locked alone for 12 years would have some very, very severe developmental problems. I don't see how she could function in normal society after that. I mean, you know how painfully awkward some homeschool kids are (not all, mind you)? They get to leave the house. They get to leave the room. If She was locked in a room for that long, I don't feel like she'd be as full of unbridled optimism as she is. More resentful of her father? I mean, kids don't get why they have to be separated, they just know they're being separated from the others. Throw in the guilt over killing her mother and I feel like Bell should have a lot of issues before you even get to the family murder thing.

Adopting 13 children in three years is not possible. There's a ton of paperwork you have to do. Maybe 1-2 kids in three years. Unless she was stealin' this babies from the nursery...which, admittedly, would make for a kickass backstory

There's also the issue of Bell's shadow going to Scarlett. In this RP we're aiming for pseudoscientific explanations of things; her power jumping from one to the other isn't really plausible. Could Scarlett just have a similar power, and could you make a reason for Bell's power going dormant? If her kindness/optimism kept her from just snapping Scarlett's neck the second she saw her then I feel like she should have some major guilt over essentially letting her husband die. Regardless, she should have some major psychological problems as a result of all this. I mean, watching your whole family get torn to shreds? Her personality needs to reflect that. A lot.

You also cannot give yourself a power rating; those are given by Allen. Her power is very similar to some others (mine, notably, but I'm not annoyed or anything don't get me wrong). Her power is also ridiculously strong. If the power causes negative psychological effects, then she needs to suffer from them. I'm confused as to whether or not those persist or if they died with the patriarch of the family. Giving her super speed, the ability to form sentient vassals with all the strength and intelligence of a human, and the (I don't mean to be harsh here) ill-defined ability of speaking with other shadows is a LOT. Her weaknesses do not reflect this; everyone in the RP loses their abilities (with the exception of Lynn) when knocked unconscious, so it's not really a fair weakness. I mean, I lose all my capabilities when I'm unconscious or injured. You state that she has PTSD as a weakness but this is not really elaborated on-PTSD and bipolar disorder, if she does have both, are MAJOR factors in someone's personality, and they're not really expanded upon in her personality sheet. Judging from her personality sheet, she's taking the death of her entire family pretty well. Being intangible while in shadow form is also not a weakness-that's essentially another strength. I mean, she can just turn into a shadow, move at the speed of light, and escape any conflict without the risk of being harmed. Having five shadows out at once is also way too much: I would expect one. That basically means that whenever you're fighting Bell, you're fighting six enemies, all as strong and smart as a human, all at once. Why do the sentient shadows attack her when she turns into a shadow?

There are no real weaknesses with your character, to be honest. There are limitations, but not weaknesses. I think you need to go back through your sheet and flesh some of this stuff out. There are good ideas but I don't feel you explored the consequences fully. PTSD, bipolar disorder, and her power in particular. Her personality needs to reflect the monstrous things that happened to her. Her power needs to have weaknesses, as it does not have any at the moment. If you need help coming up with these, we're happy to do so, but I feel like your character has no real flaws at the moment (she's physically attractive, has no social defects from 12 years locked in a room, has no personality changes as a result of her trauma, is power-wise near unstoppable) and you need to show that you can incorporate these into your character before you can join the RP.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Kalas
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Thanks for the feedback. Jazzy pretty much said the same thing. I can edit that all without a hitch. But it'll have to wait until I get to work tomorrow morning. (2:20am here)

It's cool to finally see a Superpower RP that has decent restrictions for once. :D
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