I hope you've done this already, and I'm sure you don't need a stranger to nose in and tell you what to do, but on the off-chance it can help.... [b]get help right the fuck now.[/b] I found [url=https://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline]a handful of numbers[/url] ([url=http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/]2[/url]) ([url=http://www.safehorizon.org/page/call-our-hotlines-9.html]3[/url]) that offer actual professional personal help for people just like you. Because there are people just like you, and you're worth helping. I don't even want to hold you up with more text -- get in touch with somebody in a goddamn hurry.