[quote=Sherlock Holmes] You to press charges. If they have a written confession from the guy himself, it's time to end this and follow through with pressing charges. You're an adult -- you don't need to have your family behind you on this one. It's time to take a stand for yourself, regardless of what they whether they want you to keep quiet or not. By holding your silence, you're allowing this creep (and whoever else is involved) to potentially go do these things to someone else. Be brave -- I can understand how this could all be scary, but it's the right thing to do. [/quote] I think I'm going to think about it over the weekend and make a decision first thing Monday morning. [quote=Halo] "I know I shouldn't give them the satisfaction of taking my life. But it hurts to live. I'm going to be 110 percent honest with everyone here... I blame myself for the rape. I know I'm probably a bitch and that's why they hate me so much. I'm a bad person. They have every reason to do all of this. And I don't want to live being a bad person."No offence, hon, but that's horseshit and deep down you know it. Think of every awful human being you've ever known - bitches, assholes, cruel people and callous people and selfish people. And then think about how many times you assaulted them or raped them. Wait - you didn't do that? That's because you're inherently a decent human being, who, by virtue of the fact that you didn't act that way, believes the awful people did not deserve it. And if the worst people you have ever known do not deserve it, then nobody deserves those things. Nobody, including you.The fact that you didn't do this sort of thing to others automatically makes you a better person than those doing this to you. The fact that you didn't do this sort of thing to others shows that however flawed you may be, you don't deserve this, because you aren't so awful a person as to ever do these terrible things. I barely know you, maybe you aren't the best of people (though I doubt you're all that bad), but deserves to be abused like that. The people doing this are the evil ones. That is fact. You are not a rapist. You are not harassing people across the country. You are not ruining their lives. They are doing those awful things to you. So they are the bad ones. Judge everyone in this situation, including yourself, by their actions relevant to the situation. Who's being attacked? You. You are the victim. So how are you the bad one, how do you deserve it?Reverse this situation, mentally. Imagine you're the one counselling someone else, and they told you what you've just told us. Would you agree with them? Would you think that the abuse they'd been through was their fault? Do you blame the victims you see on the news or hear about in your town, or do you hate the rapists for doing it to them? What about other types of abuse, domestic abuse, physical assault - if I go and punch someone, is it my fault or theirs? You have the same rights and feelings as anyone else, so treat yourself the way you'd treat someone else in your position were the roles reversed. Treat yourself with some empathy. It is very common for rape victims to blame themselves, maybe in an attempt to rationalise, but try to address the facts of the matter: what have you done that makes you so bad as to deserve this, the cruellest of all treatments? Really? Compared to the sick fucks who are actually carrying this out, you're a goddamn angel. You're in the right, here, and they are so in the wrong. They are the ones to blame. [/quote]I suppose. I just feel like I could have done more or less. [quote=Halo] "Yeah... I went from getting into Princeton to being a loser who dropped out of college all together."Dude, you're keeping yourself . That doesn't make you a loser. And college will be waiting after all this is done, after you're safe from these bastards. So will the rest of your very, very bright future. Out of everything I wrote, you cannot focus on that one sentence. Read the rest, please, take it in. Breathe in the support you have here. You cannot twist every positive into a negative, otherwise you just defeat yourself. We're here, we're standing behind you, we're believing in you. And all of that is useless unless you can pull yourself together, and carry on fighting and staying strong. Carry on reporting everything that happens. Press charges. Stay alive. And hold onto hope for a better future, because it's coming. This isn't the rest of your life. This does not define you. Not unless you let it. [/quote]I hope it isn't the rest of my life. I wish it wasn't my life now. I wish I could just forget any of it happened. [quote=mdk] Without enough evidence to arrest, you may still be able to get a . The burden of proof is significantly lower,and it will protect you, legally and otherwise, from unwanted contact. [/quote] Yeah I could get one against the one guy. I didn't think of that. [quote=Beatrix] You can still purchase a handgun yourself and open carry so long as the gun is not loaded and no bullet is in the chamber. Even then, you can still hide a magazine somewhere on your body to quickly load the weapon. Your state has stand your ground laws, so if need be, you will not be arrested or sued if you are defending yourself. It would be good to do a full research on this yourself or even talk to a lawyer. You have a right to defend yourself. And, Kyu, people here love you more than you know. We may not show it all the time, but we are honestly one big huge family. I encourage you to press charges, and see if you can get into a victim/witness protection program as well. And remember: you will always be better than those pricks. [/quote]Yeah, I am actually looking into taking some gun safety classes. (Which incorporates self-defense) [quote=scribz] I'll say this with the utmost frank honesty I can give.You do not and did not deserve what happened to you. Kyuki, please find the help and support you do deserve, because as a community online, while I'm happy to give my full support, our support is limited and it's not the level of support you need <3 I wish you the best, and i'm sorry for everything that happened to you. x [/quote]Thanks Scribz. <3 [quote=scribz] I mean fucking hell. That's not just being a sexual predator, that's downright trying to ruin you. They're twisted fucks, and if I could, i'd break them. That's just..that's just not cool. [/quote]Well several of them are going to be in London for New Years if you still felt the need to break them. [quote=Rtron] I vehemently agree with everyone here. The idea that you deserved that happened to you is complete and utter And if you believe you are to blame then you are wrong. I don't care what you think you did. You did not cause any of it. Press charges. Get help. And please, please don't kill yourself. There's always someone who cares, even if it's just a stranger over the internet.I wish I could do more. But all I can do is tell you what others have already said, and let you know that this community cares about you and is here for you. . [/quote]This is definitely a very caring community when the going gets rough. [quote=Derpestein] I think I just lost some of my faith in humanity when reading about what Kyuki has gone through.Then I regained it from everyone banding together like this.Kyuki, press charges and get a restraining order. Learn how to use a gun and get one. Please. Nobody deserves this shit. [/quote]RPG has definitely restored some faith for me. And as for the gun I have actually been going to the range and learning to shoot. [quote=Svenn] Um.. Kinda what scribz was saying, I think you should find more help. Read this carefully, Online relationships are not going to stop you from hurting yourself. As you said your mother had stopped you. I think you should spend a lot of time with your mother and find some friends. The more people you love and that are close to you, the more resisting it will be to end your own life.By all means take what everyone here said into consideration. Please. I wouldn't want to see you end your life with me sitting here doing nothing, but writing words on the screen for you.Just promise us all something okay? You're smart and you know it. Use that brain. [/quote] Yeah my mom stopped me but made sure she talked about the family image not two minutes after. And she hasn't spoken to me without an incredible amount of annoyance since. As for anyone else in my life. I almost literally have no one else to talk to my one friend out of the two I have...yelled at me for being stupid enough to try and continue on with school in the first place. Telling me I brought it onto myself.