[quote=AlidaMaria]Bing..... I'm sorry but the main problem I see with your CS is the Da-Hyunin pirates' attack:
1. They would NEVER, EVER go as far inland as to reach Othea. (Da-Hyuni) Pirates are in their element as close to the sea as they can be, and they'll only perform lightning attacks on coastal cities or towns. So if Ajax was from an Oragossi coastal town, it would make sense. Just not when he's from any Othean town. The following are just minor concerns;
2. A crew would exist of more than 8 pirates if they're planning on ambushing a town.... Also, once they had chased out the inhabitants, they'd gather all valuables they could find and get out of there a.s.a.p. They wouldn't bother searching for the survivors and instead get their asses back to the open sea before some sort of backup could arrive.
3. Seeing how the "dirty tactic" of killing enemies in their sleep, is a very Da-Hyuni thing to do, they'll most likely have taken counter measures against such a thing!
(These points could quite easily be helped by saying that they were bandits and not Da-Hyuni pirates).

Other than these points, I don't really see anything wrong with it. I'm sure Ellri will come up with some points, but it's great to see that you came up with a concept! ^_^[/quote]

[quote=BingTheWing]Name: Ajax Garrison 
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Faction/Allegiance: The Othean Royal Family
Relic Description: The relic is a golden hoop about the size of Ajax’s palm, which he wears around his neck, hidden beneath his armor. It affects Ajax the same way a pair of gravity boots would do: it doesn’t make him fly, but it does lift him off the ground and significantly increases his jumps and swiftness in movement.[/quote]
This does not make sense. Especially not given the picture. Given the ring size (palm), fitting it around the neck would be rather challenging, and not to mention, he’d be choking all the time as a human neck on anyone other than walking skeletons (i.e. “super”models) is much larger than the palm of a hand.
We’d suggest a larger necklace made of some jointed segments or something like that. That wouldn’t choke him and would fit well underneath. Or maybe you could go with a belt? 
The power of the relic feels balanced, though. Just one question… What fuels the relic?
[quote=BingTheWing]Appearance:
[img=http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/197/f/f/city_guard_captain_by_windmaker-d57hk98.jpg][/quote]
This is a good picture. Armor that is fairly plausible, body proportions that make sense and so forth.
[quote=BingTheWing]As with Othean Special Tactics Unit tactics, Ajax normally dresses and arms himself as a typical Othean guard to integrate himself and his men within the mainstream form of defense. He is 6’10 and weighs about 185 pounds. He has long brown hair kept tied in a neat bun.[/quote]
We’re skeptical of the idea of special tactics units. Its rather anachronistic. We’d instead suggest him having a role akin to royal guard. 
In most medieval fantasy settings, there’s two types of royal guards. The first type is the ceremonial that only knows what end of the sword to hold because its part of the ceremony. The second type is the ones who are basically living weapons, knowing everything they can about weapons and fighting.
If you’re in doubt, we’re suggesting that you take the second type. 
[quote=BingTheWing]Flaws:
As a commander of a typically sneaky sort of guard unit, Ajax does not like facing problems head-on and could be considered by a brash cavalry warrior as ‘cowardly’. In a way, this is true: Ajax values victory in life more than honor in death.
Growing up a peasant boy, Ajax values his heritage and his people and will not adhere to following commands against the common folk.
Ajax is not a fan of straightforward solutions and his are often long and complicated by even some of his superiors’ standards.
Ajax is one of the few soldiers that show little to no remorse for murder, as was proved on his sixteenth birthday. This mixed with his specialized training may often cause him to be seen as a cold, calculating character.[/quote]
Cowardly doesn’t make too much sense. We’d think it would be more like that he’s not fighting the same type of battles as the regular troops. 
The part about not wanting to hurt commoners is good.
Fondness for complex solutions is also good.
[quote=BingTheWing]Skills:
- The Othean Special Tactics Unit, founded and led by Ajax himself, is a breed of soldier that very much compares to normal guards as the Navy SEALs and USMC compare to the Army grunts today: they are bred to be a one man army. They are handpicked from the most outstanding of rank-and-file and are trained in foreign forms of swordsmanship, how to survive in the most inhospitable of wastes for weeks, and above all to be able to quickly respond to situations that the normal guard can’t take on themselves. They also maintain a strong, but friendly rivalry with the Relic Constabulary Guard.[/quote]
See point above concerning special tactics units. They don’t make sense.
Secondly, it makes even less sense for such to have been founded recently. There’s been no recent situations demanding the establishment of such in Othean history. We’ll keep the suggestion for royal guard. Its more plausible.
We’d actually suggest these elite soldiers having training in many sorts of combat, not just swordsmanship. Also, foreign swordsmanship forms are not necessarily better than Othean forms. 
[quote=BingTheWing]Biography: Ajax was born to a pair of hardworking but humble farmhands in a remote, nondescript Othean farming village, far from Amaryth. His parents worked hours in the sun to provide for Ajax and his three younger brothers a solid education and it was returned earnestly by gaining the interest of a royal tutor in Ajax’s teens. His future was bright and so was he: he was a smart, hardworking and most certainly not simple country boy. He was also an important asset to his yeoman master: his education provided the farm boy ways to productively spend the profit from the harvest in improving conditions for laborers.[/quote]
The attention here doesn’t make sense. Royal tutors in Othea don’t go wandering about searching for potentials the way a certain grouping in Kalesia does. We’d suggest going with a background in entering the Othean army and proving himself considerably better than most. 
[quote=BingTheWing]Ajax’s supposed destiny as a royal advisor took a drastic turn on his sixteenth birthday. Fugitive pirate raiders originating from Da-Hyun quickly overran Ajax’s village’s most of guard and quickly occupied the village, leaving what was left of the guard and Ajax himself to escape to the mountains. A messenger had been sent out, but because of the village’s distance from the capital the Crown would not be able to send reinforcements in time before the pirates reached the mountains. Ajax, being the nice bright good boy he was, suggested a strategy that many chivalrous knights in the capital would have described as ‘dirty and dishonorable’: killing their enemies in their sleep. The guard was reluctant and many would not hear of it at first, but it seemed the only possible way to survive. Given a simple longsword, Ajax with his comrades crept into the village at night while some of the pirates were looking for them in the mountains and slew each and every single one of them. Ajax found out that he hand a natural ability for the sword, as one guard reported he fended off and killed three awake pirates all at once. This was also when he found his Relic, worn on the neck of a sleeping Da-Hyuni pirate.[/quote]
See AlidaMaria’s critique. It covers this section well.
[quote=BingTheWing]When the reinforcements from the capital arrived, they stumbled upon a happy village and eight trussed-up pirates. Of course, with the incredible recounts of the guards, the captain of the troop decided to recruit Ajax into the guard for basic training. After doing exceptionally well at basic training, his superiors noted his talent and recruited him into the Special Tactics Unit, then one of the first Othean guard units devoted entirely to scouting and guerilla warfare. Ajax swiftly rose up the ranks for five years, becoming commander of the entire unit at age 22. A few years later, he submitted an entire training handbook with training methods designed by him to fully enhance the abilities of scouts, especially ones in the Special Tactics Unit. It was eventually passed, and Garrison is now known as a revolutionary icon in the world of Azukharian guerilla warfare.[/quote]
See AlidaMaria’s critique. It covers this section well.
[quote=BingTheWing]Relations: Those who have lived in Amaryth for a while may remember his face, since he has masqueraded as a common guard posted all over the city.[/quote]
Doesn’t really make sense due to points higher up.
[quote=BingTheWing]Final Point - Secrets: Possession of a relic, essentially.[/quote]
Would not those close to him notice? Or does he hardly use the relic at all in the presence of others?
[quote=BingTheWing]Theme Song: Carol of the Bells/God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - The Piano Guys.
For full effect, imagine him running, tumbling, parkouring and rolling through the chaos of the Kalesian invasion while stabbing the odd guard or two with his longsword.[/quote]
What Kalesian invasion? Its not started yet, and it won’t for a good while.

[quote=BingTheWing](Ajax looks incredibly OP in terms of combat, I know. Those aren’t all his flaws, I will reveal more of them as I progress in the RP.)[/quote]
That’s fine, actually. If you correct the above stuff, then you can avoid the problems related to the extreme combat skills through later flaws.

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