Okay, two notes, a comment, and a compliment.

Note 1 - This may have been a mistype but if not, that looks hilarious in my head: A chorus of 'no's follow and the elder child sighs and punches the bridge of her nose.

Note 2 - I think the wrong name landed here: Laisander's was left defenseless an helpless against such a fearsome thing.

Comment/apology - Sorry. When I write I do present tense and it bothers a lot of my partners.

Compliment - You did a very good job at switching over!