I'm embarrassed because after I finally told this guy how I'd been feeling about him, I realised that I'd just been misinterpreting the feelings for 3 years. There's a big difference between hearing something in your head and actually saying it out loud. So when I told him that I was madly in love with him and wanted to be with him, it was kinda like 'hang on, that's not right'. I do love him, but there's more kinds of love than just romantic. I love him to bits, but I'm realising now that I don't think I'd be comfortable at all being with him in an actual relationship. I love him like a brother, and he's comfortable with that; so I can't ask for anything more.

Basically I'm embarrassed because I spent 3 years thinking I felt something I didn't. Not to mention how upset I got when he told me he didn't feel the same way. I kinda just walked home and cried for a bit, thinking the world was over. That was when I started to think things through and came to the realization that me being with him was not what I wanted. It'd be cool and all, and I wouldn't mind it, but finding out that he wouldn't be comfortable with that immediately made me stop thinking about it as much. What I want is to be with him in a way that we both find comfortable and satisfying, because I care about him more than anyone else in my life. So once I stopped and realised that, I talked it over with him and apologized for being a doofus and I let him know that when I confessed to him that this is what I really meant.

And now everything's great. I got something off my chest that's been bugging me for years and everything got cleared up in a way that didn't affect our friendship. Well actually it did, but it affected it in a positive way. I feel a lot more comfortable around him now (saying 'I love you' to someone tends to do that) and I'm perfectly happy expressing my adoration for him in more of a brotherly relationship. In fact I couldn't ask for anything better. Sorry for going on I'm just very excited about this! It feels like for the first time in years everything's just cleared up for me and now I understand what my mind was really trying to tell me when I thought I wanted to be in a romantic relationship with him.