[quote=@Psyga315] Alright, I wouldn't mind. And yeah, I wrote the story... Probably should have mentioned that in the PM, but meh, next entry. [/quote] The thing that jumped out at me was 'names.' First when Nicholas is fighting the various monsters, we see the word 'Monster' pop up like a bunch of times (and also 'Slugger/sluggers'). Later, when Nicholas and Daishuryou are fighting, each of their names gets spelled out practically every sentence. Mind you -- the action is [i]great.[/i] But it's written in such a way that the reader [i]needs[/i] you to clarify who's stabbing which person at any given moment. And again -- you're covering that base so we don't wind up confused, and you're doing a fine job of that. [i]The next level[/i], according to some jerk on the internet, is to structure the writing so that you can use more pronouns, and the readers still don't wind up confused. There's a thousand ways to skin that cat. Me personally, I tighten up the sentences and shed a [i]lot[/i] of details -- bad example I'm making up, I would almost always transform "John punched James in the chest, and James kicked John in the neck" into "They traded blows." When I do that, I'm simplifying the action a bit, and leaving a bit more to the reader's imagination, but I'm [i]also[/i] skipping right ahead to the next sentence, and on the whole (if I do it right), the scene will flow faster and keep the pulse pounding just a little harder. This isn't basic-level stuff -- this is the part where every writer has to do things their own way and find their own answer. If you try it my way, odds are, you'll hate it -- so don't try it my way. The point isn't to change your style, it's for you to start thinking about new ways to turn choreography into stylized writing. So you take something like: [quote]As he realized it, Daishuryou found a chance and cut off Nicholas’ arm off. Before Nicholas had time to scream in pain, Daishuryou ran his sword through Nicholas.[/quote] That's all the steps to a pretty sweet dance. In theater it's called 'blocking:' person A goes to spot X while person B does Y. You can take those movements and turn them into a performance -- it's more than just getting the steps right, it's adding your own flavor. Maybe you pause for a reflection -- "Nicholas realized how hopeless the fight was. True enough, as that thought crossed his mind, a searing pain ripped through his arm, and before he even found the time to scream, Daishuryou's sword was hilt-deep in his chest." Maybe you play up some hardcore fighting technique instead -- "Nicholas had to be fast. He gambled on a parrying move -- and [i]missed![/i] He was no match for this foe, and he realized it too late. Daishuryou's inward cross-slash took his arm off at the elbow, and he was helpless. The finishing riposte came an instant later." Really, anything. The goal is to treat action as a chance to show off your style. You can't do that until you've got good action -- and you have [i]plenty[/i] of good action, communicated well. I think it's time for the next step.