Elissa flinched as Jack shouted for Patch and he came running down the stairs. “Of course you had to put him in a temper.” Having taken a goodly quantity of stuff from Patch’s medical stash, (mostly painkillers but a good number of anti-anxiety pills) of course she felt guilty. She reasoned to herself that it wouldn’t do any of them any good if she had a breakdown, but at the same time, she felt really bad for the stealing.

As Patch came down the stairs Elissa averted her eyes, fussing with her sweater rather than making eye contact. [i]Oh, you idiot, now he knows you’re guilty![/i] She still wouldn’t look at him. “I’ve got to stop by the gear room.” She said, pitching her voice even quieter than it had been before.
Without waiting for them, she poked her head into the weapons room, and the rows of pistols. Very pointedly she kept her back towards the throwing knives and switchblades.

She could swear they were staring at her, taunting her.
[i]You’re going crazy, Ellie, just get it together and get your head in the game or you’ll get killed tonight.[/i]

She picked up her two full magazines. The others didn’t trust her enough to let her keep a loaded gun in her room; her gun was in her equipment pack and her magazines were always locked in here. She put one in the gun in her waistband and put the other in one of Condor’s purses, which she slung over her shoulder. She figured the woman wouldn’t mind her borrowing the purse, when Elissa didn’t have one of her own, not after she had lost everything...

She shook her head, again, steering herself away from those thoughts. She wasn’t ready for a mission, not when she was such a wreck inside. All the more reason to be triply focused on what she had to do. She reached for the dart pistol and dropped that into the purse as well.

Forcing a smile onto her face, the short girl left the weapons room. “Sorry. I’m ready.” She whispered, falling into step next to Jack. She looked up at the tall man, trying to calm her trembling. His “bad feeling” was quite contagious. “Fox…If… if it looks hopeless… Shoot me before…” she didn’t even realize what she was saying. “Kill me before they get the chance to.” Then she realized what she’d said and shut her eyes, face flushing crimson as embarrassment washed over her. [i]Way to go, Ellie. Way to make them all know how wrecked you are.[/i] Shaking her head, she pushed past Jack, looking for Patch. He was in the car already; she could tell by the blaring music. Wordlessly she got in the backseat as her headset shouted in her ear; she gasped, then forced herself to relax. She turned the volume in her headset down almost all the way as she settled herself in the seat.