[quote=@Zoldyck]
Dear [@IrishAngelQueen],

First off, we would really appreciate it if you would post your CS to [b]all[/b] the GMs.

Secondly, your character is unreasonably OP. Dont take this the wrong way but have you even looked at the other CSs and compared them with your new character? Because if you did then you would have seen that the power scaling is way off.

[hider=I'll go on a point by point basis as to why your character is unreasonable.]


[b]-Faelar can transform into a Hellhound at will.[/b]

This power, on its own, would have already been fairly powerful. But that is me estimating that she would be a low powered Hellhound. You did not specify in anyway what the powers of this "Hellhound" would be. For all I know it can spit fire which instantly melts stone. Aka, way too strong. The power is not explained enough and thus cant be accepted in its current state.

That would have been my response if it was the only power she had, but it seems like this was actually just a side effect.

[b]-Know someone's deepest fears by placing her hand over their heart.[/b]

Being able to instantly do something which is not teleportation or camouflaging [b]yourself[/b] is an automatic nope, especially if it is a vital thing like knowing someone's inner fears. This is actually more of a godmodding ability, which is not allowed in any way, shape or form. 

[b]-Raise a small band of Shadow Warriors-Skeletal warriors held together by shadows.[/b] 

Again the same as with the Hellhound ability. Not specified enough and too strong to be another side ability. Should be the main focus and probably only ability you posses.

[b]-Cloak herself and others with shadows-it comes in handy when pulling pranks.[/b]

This one I have no issues with, although combined with the other powers this just makes her ridiculously OP. Especially if she can summon an army to fight for her.

[b]-Exorcise and send lower-tier demons back to Hell with a single touch.[/b]

Again, no instant abilities. If you had this power then we would be unable to use anything occult or demonic as enemies in our RP because there would be no threat at all.

[b]-Destroy objects with telekinesis.[/b]

Ehehehe... Nope. You say that she can destroy small to medium objects with telekinesis. What do you define as a medium sized object? A laptop? Or a car? Cause if I compare a car to a Boeing 777 the car isn't really that big of an object. Plus, again, instantly destroying things is a nope.

[b]-While in Hell , she can turn lower demons to dust with a snap of her fingers[/b]

Although it's unlikely, this power right here makes us unable to get any kind of action in hell because you'll just instantly clear the entire room.

If I am to also add your "other skills" then we quickly see that she also possesses Super Strength. Last time I checked that was something we would note under "Powers". Being good with weapons... Eh, you can do that imo.


[b]Now, on to the weaknesses...[/b]

Temper is not a weakness but a personality trait.

The sensitive body parts are fine though I will ask a question about it later.

"Can send only three lower demons back to Hell all at once." is a trait of your power and not a weakness.

Holy fire and an Angel's blade... Where are we, the normal students, going to get that from if ask? They are viable weaknesses but these seem to be the only two damaging weaknesses. Are these the only things that will hurt her? Because if they are then there is no way that any of the current characters can harm her in any way.


[b]Now, personality.[/b]

The whipping... It's a bit weird imo. But hey, that's my opinion. Though I would prefer it if you would not enforce this on others.


[b]Backstory... [/b]

Nothing to say on this to be honest. Little bare bones but that doesn't really matter. It's got the vital parts in it.


[b]And finally your horse.[/b]

Again, should be noted under the "Powers" section and I would like you to add what the "Warhorse"'s traits are.

[/hider]
[/quote]

I've taken your words into consideration and after much editing, thinking, fixing, and humming under my breath, I do believe she is not quite a Mary-Sue anymore. Sending to the gms now.
[hider=Faelar]
[center][color=8493ca][h1]Faelar Inkstone[/h1][/color]
[img]http://www.wallsave.com/wallpapers/1280x1024/girls-nature/499321/girls-nature-dark-swords-warrior-free-499321.jpg[/img]

[u][color=8493ca]Superhero Alias[/color][/u]
[color=00aeef]Moon[/color][color=9e0b0f]blood[/color]

[u][color=8493ca]Gender[/color][/u]
[color=6ecff6]Female[/color]

[u][color=8493ca]Age[/color][/u]
[color=6ecff6]17[/color]

[u][color=8493ca]Power Set[/color][/u]
[color=6ecff6]
-Cloak herself and others with  shadows for a limited time; two hours at the most.
-Can destory only small or medium sized objects with her telekinesis; Small= cups and dishes, things like dinner plates and small cereamic pots, Medium=Laptops, lamps, nightstands anything from one-three feet high, and between 10-40 pounds. 
-She is as strong as six healthy mortal men, even though she does not appear so.[/color]
[hider=Phantom-Her horse]
[img width=510 height=494]http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/0a/29/88/0a2988f3d6412f91c771ac3f26e478c1.jpg[/img]
[color=8493ca][u]Abilities[/u][/color]
[color=6ecff6]-Go through walls
-Take a solid from at night
-Change into a demonic warhorse if needed.
-Become transparent[/color]

[color=8493ca][u]Traits[/u][/color]
[color=6ecff6]-Calm
-Loyal
-A sweetheart to those he trusts
-And is very quiet and well behaved.
-He tends to follow Faelar around in his transparent state.
-He's like a puppy with hooves.[/color]
[/hider]
[color=8493ca][u]Other Skills[/u][/color]
[color=6ecff6]Faelar is swift, silent and can disable an opponent in less than five minutes if need be. Faelar is good with a sword and whip, and has taken Judo for five years. It helps her calm herself. She can speak Latin, Irish, and English.[/color]

[u][color=8493ca]Weaknesses[/color][/u]
[color=6ecff6]
-Horns and tail are sensitive, and cause her a great deal of pain if damaged.
-Holy water: It makes her skin blister, and is really painful.
-She cannot move living beings, such as cats dogs, and small children. The object in question has to be inanimate.
-She may be really strong, but she will get tired after awhile, and her movement becomes slow and clumsy.[/color]

[color=8493ca][u]Personality[/u][/color]
[color=6ecff6]Faelar is michevious, dark humored, and fierce. She does not mind breaking a few rules herself, but if it is a rule that is not to be broken at all costs, she gets very angry. For example-No-one can come into her room without permission; someone does; she will punch them in the nose, possibly breaking it if she doesn't hold her temper back. Her temper is strong, and somtimes hard to control and-more often than not-is the reason why she gets into fights. Other than that, she can be quite fun to be around.[/color]

[u][color=8493ca]Backstory[/color][/u]
[color=6ecff6]Faelar was created under a full moon when her father (he was a villain called the Demon Rogue) chanted in Gaelic, and held his bleeding arm over a blank doll. Faelar began to take shape, and was the size of a small child when Parzival finished the chant. She opened her eyes, looked at him and said, [color=8493ca]"Tá ocras orm . An bhfuil tú mo Athair? (I'm hungry. Are you my Father?)"[/color] 

Parzival picked her up, smiling, and said, [color=82ca9d]"Yes . Tá mé. (Yes. I am.)"[/color] he raised her, taught her Demon traditions, spells, and fighting techniques. Faelar was seventeen and in her training yard practicing coiling her whip around the necks of the practice dummies and ripping them off when her father came out with a letter in his hand. Faelar stopped when she saw him, the head of the latest dummy hanging by a thread.

[color=8493ca]"What is it, Athair?"[/color] she asked, coiling her whip. Parzival came over and looked down at his daughter fondly.

[color=82ca9d]"A letter for you. From the Herculean Academy. I sent them a video of you practicing with you Stygian Iron."[/color] he said.

[color=8493ca]"Why did you do that?"[/color] she asked.

[color=82ca9d]"I have taught you all I know, but they can teach you even more. I wish for you to go. You can be a hero, or a Villain-I don't care which, as long as you're happy."[/color] Faelar grinned, hugged him, and went inside to pack for the academy.[/color]

[color=8493ca][u]Other[/u][/color]
[color=6ecff6]-When getting into a fight, she will not break any of her opponent's bones-except the nose. She draws the line there.
-She would love to get a tattoo, but Parzival won't allow her to until she is nineteen-the age at which a young Demon is considered an adult.[/color]
[/center][/hider]