Aleksandra wanted to run, but her legs would not carry her away. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't speak. She wanted to hit Aulfr until her hands no longer existed, but all she could do was lay there, shaking so violently that her teeth clicked together. Just when she thought she could move herself, Aulfr reached down and did it for her. She almost started screaming again, thinking maybe he'd just been pretending not to hurt her to make her more scared. She was in his lap, and her muscles tensed into rock, but then his arms were around her so tightly it was almost hard to breathe, his fingers gently combing through her hair.

She kept shaking, kept chattering her teeth, but it slowed fractionally. She couldn't bring herself to relax against him, so she curled into herself, letting him do what he felt he needed to to make this right again. She was embarrassed beyond all reason. He was never going to hurt her, of course he wasn't. He was a brute and a man who had his needs, but he was honorable in that regard. But the fear of being overpowered, of a man looming above her with that cold and distant expression... It would never leave her.

She had stopped crying the moment he took his weight off of her. She hated crying, and couldn't recall the last time it had happened. Years and years ago. Maybe even that night, when her brothers had robbed her of her entire sense of self. She could still hear their voices in her ear, their breath hot on her cheek. [i]Dirty little whore. Must run in the blood. Vile whores' blood.[/i] They'd left her lying on the bed, so petrified she couldn't even shake. She'd stared up at the ceiling for Saints-knew-how-long, tears streaming from her eyes silently.

She sat in Aulfr's arms for nearly an hour. She couldn't stand being touched any longer than that. She was shaking still, badly enough that she had to hold onto the bed to keep standing. The bed. She made a disgusted face and forced herself to stand on her own. Where to go? Not the chair. Not just the floor. Somewhere dark and quiet and where sound was muffled. Her gaze went down, then she grabbed a pillow from the bed and slid underneath the frame, letting the heavy blankets cover all surrounding sides. Dark, warm, quiet. Safe. She would have preferred a bath so hot she wouldn't be able to feel her skin for two days. But this would be okay.