Aleksandra stood beside and slightly behind Aulfr's chair, as she always did, eating what little bits of food he handed her so she could actually enjoy some of the dinner. She covertly loosened her daggers and scoped out escape routes and such, completely tuning out the dinner conversation. It was never anything she had to pay attention to, because foreign affairs and women whispering mean things about her height were nothing special. If she needed to know anything, it was whom to kill, and Aulfr would tell her that after the feast.

And it was this tuning out that became her disadvantage, because Aulfr motioned her closer. She realized most of the conversation had died down and three Jarls were standing there, the smallest with a crafty look on his face. Everyone was looking at her. She made sure her confusion was hidden away behind a mask of impassivity as she turned to Aulfr, gazing up at him expectantly. He looked a little nervous to her, which put her on edge. What was he about to ask her to—

And he was kissing her. Oh Saints, why on earth was he kissing her?! She was certain she made some sort of squeaking noise, and her face was on fire. She was probably red to the tips of her toes. His hands were on her face and she was about to break them, but then she realized how gentle they were. How soft. Like his mouth on hers, moving just a little, sending warm shivers down her back. [i]I want him to kiss my neck,[/i] she thought.

And then she beat her traitorous thought to a pulp. There would be [i]none[/i] of that! She despised this. She definitely felt vile as he lightly caressed the corner of her mouth. She'd rather break her own fingers than feel his warm breath on her cheek, and see the desire in his eyes that made her feel triumph rather than disgust. Yes, she absolutely hated kissing him. There could be no doubt.

And then it was over, and she was once again standing impassively behind Aulfr's chair as he carried on with the feast. All the color had drained from the room, and the two of them were the only bright spots. Her lips felt warm, and so did her face and chest and everything else. She was warm and shivery everywhere, which she was sure meant she was ill. Maybe he'd given her some disease. She knew there was a disease you could get from kissing, there had to be. Why else would she feel this way?


The rest of the feast was frustratingly slow, and the walk back to Aulfr's chambers took a million centuries. And then the door closed behind them with a click of the lock, and all was tensely silent. She was staring at the wall, unable to bring herself to look at Aulfr. And then, "You enjoyed kissing me." It was not a question. He'd been too gentle, and then he'd rubbed his thumb over her lips, with that look on his face... She paused, took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. "You enjoyed kissing me. Just answer me yes or no." She turned to look at him, at once both determined and somewhat afraid. "Would you like to kiss me again?"

They woke up tangled together and neither of them ever wanted to move away. He wouldn't let anyone else talk to him or be near him the way he allowed her to do. She couldn't share a bed with or change clothes around any other man, and he made her want to embrace every passionate feeling she'd been shoving down since she was twelve. If she could feel safe enough kissing him, maybe it could lead to her living the life she dreamed of after she killed her brothers. She could fall in love, have sex, have [i]children[/i]. It was all she'd ever wanted. She wanted to want it again.