Mizuho said
No excuses! I'm doing this on my outdated iPod touch :P

oh dont worry i'll get it done... just.... my style of writing sucks.

Mizuho said
No excuses! I'm doing this on my outdated iPod touch :P

Shhhhhh~

YipeeXD said
oh dont worry i'll get it done... just.... my style of writing sucks.

Get your head out of your ass, soldier! You're only bad because you think you are!

And besides, RSs aren't too much "writing". They're more of "thinking how your character thinks."

Mizuho said
Get your head out of your ass, soldier! You're only bad because you think you are!And besides, RSs aren't too much "writing". They're more of "thinking how your character thinks."

Is pretty much what she's saying.

SHAME ON YOU, MISO. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ENCOURAGE NOT DEMORALIZE! D:<

Sixsmith said
Is pretty much what she's saying.SHAME ON YOU, MISO. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ENCOURAGE NOT DEMORALIZE! D:<

That's not what I'm saying at all!

Good/bad is mostly subjective, and people are usually a lot better than they think they are. By being in the mindset that they're bad at something, it tends to make results worse because they think they're bad. Therefore, feeling good about something is more beneficial. Even if you still dislike it, there's nowhere to go but improve!

EDIT: unless you rite likkee diiiis. Den u shud fel badzz

On a different note: done with 4 relationships! Only 12 more to go + editing + Alli's RS!

In all serious, you can only really get better.

I mean, you realize you make mistakes, it's getting past that that will make you a better writer. If you want to speed up the process, just read a lot and continue roleplaying. I mean, look up some guides, if you want and lay out some strict guidelines for yourself. A good thing to do is maybe analyze your writing and compare it to someone else's? See what you think you're doing wrong and improve on it. It's good to make mistakes, but you can't bog yourself down on 'em. We all make mistakes and we can all have moments where we just write terribly.

I still think I'm a mediocre writer myself, but I want to get better not because I'll gain a job or anything like that out of it, but because writing makes me happy and feeling good about my writing makes me happy.

As well, it's bad to just look at the negative. It's not wrong to look at a piece of work you've done and say, "Wow, I did an amazing fucking job!" as long as you don't let it get to your head. You can also find someone to critique your writing, but don't let their words get to you either. If a friend truly gives you good feedback, they're doing it not because they think you're terrible and should stop writing, but because they want you to get better too.

I had a friend tell me I'm too verbose. I'm trying my hardest to tone down my unnecessary word usage 'cause it fills up the paragraph with needless things and disconnects the reader due to the fact that they have to wade through so many damn modifiers. T_T But, I'm also trying to learn how to write to show and not to tell and that's hard 'cause I made a habit out of writing my characters feelings out and describing them too thoroughly, which is probably why I'm verbose in the first place. When I don't physically tell the audience (my peers) how to feel about a character, it makes them more compelling and interesting as a whole, as well as infinitely more relatable.

Jot down what you think is wrong with your writing. Ask someone to read something you wrote and if they tell you it's perfect and awesome, then tell them to shove it up their ass. If they tell you that this and this is wrong with it and this or this needs more improvement and it compares to your notes, then you've got a solid grasp on what's wrong. In doing that, you can now find out how to alleviate those problems and minimize those mistakes further down the road. It especially helps if said person points out something you missed, etc.

Most people are terrible at evaluating their own work, so it does help if you ask someone you trust to look things over for you. Make sure you tell them that you want actual feedback and not just a, "I love it," or, "That was awesome," cause that doesn't help you and can inflate your ego more, making your writing ultimately stagnant, etc. You want actual critique, no matter how much it hurts you to read other people's evaluation of your work. It'll make you a much stronger person, in general, and a much better writer.

That's my two cents.

EDIT: You also can't compare writing an actual work, like a novel or essay, to Roleplaying. The two former forms of writing take a lot of planning and countless revisions, while Roleplaying is pretty much perfecting your first draft writing (I saw someone say that, I forgot who, but I thought it was insightful). Your post aren't going to be exceptional or anywhere near novel worthy, but that doesn't mean they're bad. I wouldn't stay tied down to one particular post either 'cause people are going to have already read it and editing it a thousand times isn't going to help you much. It's good to look at a post you've made, see your mistakes, edit them the first time if you think you should (I post and then edit my post) and then move on. Learn from the mistakes you made in that post and apply your knowledge to the next one you make and so on and so on.

Again, it could help out if you have someone critique a post, run through it quickly, and tell you what's wrong with it. Mainly cause you aren't going to catch all of your mistakes and you might be extremely biased in one direction or another which can kind of blind you in a way: make you see mistakes that aren't there or aren't as big as you're making them or you might not see your mistakes at all and think it's the best work out there. I'm exaggerating, kind of, but it helps to have a friend willing to give you advice and critique.

Made a few changes to Cole's Cs and added his RS

YipeeXD said
Name: Cole Grimoire

Appearance: (that picture from before hehehehe)

Age: 17

Grade: Senior

Social Class: Commoner

Social Class Explanation: Born into a normal family, Cole parent's would've never been able to afford to send him to the academy, lucky for him that his name was drawn for a scholarship

Personality: Cole keeps to himself the majority of the time, needless to say does he ever interact with anyone the elite, let alone the wealthy or gifted. It... just wasn't something he did. Mostly, he hangs around with those in a similar situation to him. Other than that, he is rather a nice guy. Genuinely friendly, kind, and playful. However, he has a few character flaws which some may find irritable, or vulgar. He is pretty cocky, and assumes that things will go his way the majority of the time. He also has the attitude that he has an effect over women, so it is rare that he is ever gentleman like.

History: Cole was born into a completely normal family, and begun life in a normal manor. He was a happy child, and loved to play in the snow and ice whenever winter came around. It came apparent that he had a future in snow sports. He just had to. Sliding around on frozen lakes completely balanced at the age of 3 had to be a god sign right? Wrong. Cole's family could never afford to set him up in a snow sport, that would be way too expensive. So instead, they simply allowed him to have fun on the ice all of the time. One day, Cole asked his parents for a pair of skates, and surprisingly, they had managed to save up enough to get him a pair. They were a little battered but he cared for them everyday as though they were brand new. The time came for Cole to actually take part in competitive skating, he refused. He just wanted to keep having fun.... on the ice. So thats exactly what he did.
Cole started at the academy as a freshman, and has been there ever since. Not once has he skated for the academy, nor has he brought up the fact he can skate in the last 3 or 4 years. He just skates for fun, by himself at home. Since freshman, he has been picked on somewhat because of his background, but he has taken it with a pinch of salt.
Last year in junior, he layed eyes upon the school's own ice rink for the first time. It was amazing. He just sat there for hours watching the skaters and dancers. It fascinated him. He decided there and then. He would do it. He would Skate competitively. He had tried to join the racers once. They had been pretty cool about him tagging along with them. But he couldnt do it, no matter how hard he tried. He always fell on the bend. He was utterly demolished, but he had to find something he could do on the ice... he just had to.
It was was on the same day as the racers had kicked him out he saw her. It was fascinating. A group of figure skaters had taken to the ice. He thought for a moment. There was nothing to say he couldnt do that, there were guys doing it too. It couldnt be that bad. He turned his head to see an amazing move from a girl. It was Acacia Hawthorn. Everyone knew about her. She was literally the perfect girl. He smirked and continued watching, before packing his skates away to leave a few minuted later. Figure skating.... hmm... couldnt be that bad.

Extracurricular Activities:
Ice skating club

Miscellaneous:
He has dreams of becoming a world class skater, but he'd never be given a chance because of his background. He just needs a little nudge in the right direction.
He has always had a thing for Acacia Hawthorn - fantasies are fun!
He has a surprisingly good singing voice.

RS
"take a seat Cole."
"thanks."
"So... tell us about your classmates and teachers Cole, what do they mean to you?"

Acacia Hawthorne: "I... dont know her..."
"Cole that's a bunch of crap."
"Fine... Acacia... well... I dont know what to say... Everybody knows about her... she's perfect, super smart, beautiful... shes an elite. But I actually met her on the ice. I somehow ended up on the ice at the same time as figure skating practice and she got paired to me. She's been teaching me ever since. You should see her, its amazing... and then there's me flopping about. But one day, i'll impress her... I'm telling you... she's not like the other elite girls. She's something special... to me anyway."

Lili Lafontaine:
"Lili... yeah I know her, she doesnt like me as far as i'm aware. I'm probably a huge ass to her, but meh. She'll get over it. She seems like she could be fun, I dunno maybe we'll be friends someday."

Jacob Rockwell:
"He's a gifted guy right? Yeah I know him. Seems a pretty standard dude. Maybe i'll see him down the ice sometime, he seems like the kind of guy that tries new things."

Roman Zelenka:
"Roman!!! My main man! He's a lottery goer like me. We've had so many laughs together its unreal. I'd take a bullet for that guy... well.... you know what I mean. I'm glad I met him lets put it that way."

Vladimir Kalkovich:
"I think i'll stay out of this guy's way. I could take him the fuck down.... but... I dunno... I dont want to make an enemy. If he doesnt like me he doesnt like me."

Rayne McCutcheon:
"I'm not sure about her. She seems nice, but again... I dont think she likes me... I mean... I'd like her to, and I hope we could be friends... but... I know... my personality rubs people the wrong way... I just accepted that. Deal with it."

James McNamara:
"Never spoke to him, dont plan on it. But hey, if I ever run into him I'll have a chat... why not?"

Nate Dixon:
"He's the robot guy right? thought so. Freaking sweet. He's fucking awesome."

Julie Scott:
"She doesnt like me, I've pissed that girl off too many times."

August Marco:
"he's younger, seems like a pretty legit guy. Sure... I'd hang with him sometime!"

Max Wallenberg:
"Shit load of money. He ever invite me anywhere... I'm going."

Wren Sinclair:
"I dont know much about her, I know she's pretty and rich... But everyone knows that."

Brenden Aldrin:
"I can relate to the principle, he's more like a father than a headmaster.... I guess I can just look up to him you know?"

Hayden Hawthorne:
"A relative of Acacia's he's fine by me, plus he always gets me out of detentions, He's such a cool vice principle."

Flynn Zimmerman:
"Never taught me... But I heard he's pretty nice and a good teacher."

Alli Kendrick:
"Miss Kendrick? I think every guy in history fancies her. Not me though. I've... got other plans... stop looking at me.... shut up... youre just an interviewer.... your opinion doesnt count!"

btw, I'm not like... doubting my own writing.... I just don't like my style. I'm a competent writer lol.

YipeeXD said
btw, I'm not like... doubting my own writing.... I just don't like my style. I'm a competent writer lol.

Eh, same difference. :P

If you're doubting your writing style, I mean, look over a post and mark what you don't like about it. Then do what you can to fix and change that.

YipeeXD said
btw, I'm not like... doubting my own writing.... I just don't like my style. I'm a competent writer lol.

I can tell you one thing from reading a few lines of dialogue.

You use ellipses too much. I can do this a lot too to form pauses and breaks, but I think it's a bad habit to make. This coming from the guy who used to put ten ellipses in one sentence. >_> People are going to read dialogue the way they feel the character would, and if that person makes a lot of breaks and pauses, then they're going to connect that. If you find yourself making too many breaks and pauses, simply stop what you're doing and write the sentence grammatically correct. When I read, I usually understand the gravitas of certain situations and read the dialogue accordingly. If you express through the setting and the character's actions, people are going to connect that to how they're speaking. Muddling up speech with unnecessary punctuation can be confusing, can hurt the eyes, and ultimately break the flow of the story, so show how your character is feeling, explain the situation they're currently in, and the audience will connect the rest.

Use modifiers such as breaking speech with periods to show biting sarcasm and extreme diction, as well as ellipses and hyphens to form breaks and pauses very sparingly. Meaning only use them when you think it is absolutely necessary and not when a character is naturally pausing 'cause it's the way they speak. It makes dialogue easier to read and cleaner too.

EDIT: And Hayden doesn't get people out of detention, especially if he sees you eyeing his sister. @_@ When Acacia comes into play, the guy's got the eyes of a damn hawk. He's behind the scenes overprotective, so it's not overbearing... just noticeable after a few years.

Think Robert Di Nero in any of those Meet the Fockers movies.

Ahh, such good advice, Six~
I struggle a lot with show and not tell, too.

On a different note, I'll post my RS wip here. I only have two so far, though.

Sixsmith said
EDIT: And Hayden doesn't get people out of detention, especially if he sees you eyeing his sister. @_@ When Acacia comes into play, the guy's got the eyes of a damn hawk. He's behind the scenes overprotective, so it's not overbearing... just noticeable after a few years.

Does Hayden know about Cole liking Acacia though?

Mizuho said
Does Hayden know about Cole liking Acacia though?

yeah..... and awwwwww come on man........ detentions are for loosers........

Mizuho said
Does Hayden know about Cole liking Acacia though?

Anyone who hangs around Acacia too much is a suspect in Hayden's eyes. >_> <_< Even Wren. He's got his eyes on you girl. O_O <-- Eyes on you.

And thanks, Chez, I like giving advice. It often helps enforce the advice and stuff I get from other things, so it's a win-win situation. And I like helping people for the sake of helping people. I always have problems when comparing my writing to others 'cause then I feel like I just suck so much I should just stop trying, though I'm not saying anyone here has that problem. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who does. >_>

(Hint: I'm fishing for compliments, so you should give me something.)

(Double Hint: I'm totally kidding about the fishing for compliments and will feel like an ass if you give me any 'cause of what I just said)

And stahp, you guys. You keep reminding me that I have to do Flynn's RS. QQ

Sixsmith said
You use ellipses too much

I did this all the time before getting yelled at by like 5 editors about it XD

Mizuho said
I like willies.

thats disgusting Mizuho... gish.

Sixsmith said
Anyone who hangs around Acacia too much is a suspect in Hayden's eyes. >_> <_< Even Wren. He's got his eyes on you girl. O_O <-- Eyes on you.

This reminds me, I've never officially established her sexuality!

Mizuho said
This reminds me, I've never officially established her sexuality!

Well, we all know everyone in this school is apparently Acacia-Sexual. >_> So, it really doesn't matter.

But, I mean, if you made her anything but straight, then Hayden won't be the only non-heterosexual Hawthorne. @_@

Sixsmith said
Well, we all know everyone in this school is apparently Acacia-Sexual. >_> So, it really doesn't matter.But, I mean, if you made her anything but straight, then Hayden won't be the only non-heterosexual Hawthorne. @_@

True. She's straight, but if she wasn't, she would definitely still be in the closet.