-As narrated by Zen-

On the planet of Nal Hutta, a place with no buttah, our heroes sat in the rain, that which was their bane, after blowing up a factory, like the...dick-tory they were...I give up on the rhymes, stop making me do this Marquis.

The assholes were now in the den in front of a fire. Iisska, Quin, Marquis, Cheshik, Nyrette, Trinity, and the mighty dictopus that is Zen, sharing stories and getting blind stinking drunk. Tarisian black ale is involved. This'll be good.

"I don't... no. The last time I drank this stuff I wound up naked and hanging over a bottomless void upsidedown," Iisska eyed the ale with some trepadation.

"Don't be a wimp." Nyrette said, grabbing a tankard and turned up the nozzle on the glass keg of Tarisian ale. "Zen, where the void do you keep buying this stuff? It's ludicrously expensive."

"Who says I buy it? I'm a man of taste, Nyrette, and my pallate demands that the ale be stolen. That is the best way to enjoy it." He smirked and leaned back on the couch in front of the fire."

"We are rich now with friends here and happy tidings and yet you steal ale still?" Cheshik mused. "Is that not Irony or am I getting irony wrong again?" He said, looking at Quin as Nyrette passed out the tankards to everybody.

Quin shook her head, "No, Cheshik that's not--"

"Isn't irony, like, something that's made of metal? Metaly?" Iisska interrupted her.

"Oh! That must be it, correct?" Cheshik agreed. "I enjoy word, Metaly. It is strong and-"

"NO! It has nothing to do with iron or metal. Cheshik almost had it right the first time," Quin sighed.

Coming by, Nyrette patted Quin and sat next to her, placing both their tankards on the coffee table in front of them and the fire. "Oh, Pik'ire. Be nice to them. It's not their fault that the language that literally everybody in the galaxy knows is beyond them." Nyrette said.

"OH. BURN. Awwwwhohh." Zen yelled.

"Beyond our patience? Yeah. Why the fuck do you people use the same word to mean a million different things?" Iisska snorted, "It's stupid."

"You just used one right there." Nyrette said. "Stupid can me something actually bad or somebody that is mentally handicapped."

"Yeah! See!? You proved me right," he grinned.

"ANYWAY." Cheshik said, dropping the subject as it was going in circles. He looked at Iisska and smirked. "So. When were you going to tell us, Iisska?"

Iisska leaned back and finally gave into taking a sip from the tankard he found himself with... and gave himself a second to think, "Uuuhhhh, tell you what?"

"Come with, you know what I speak of." He said.

"I'm not coming with! What are you talking about!?"

Nyrette looked at him for a moment and then to Quin. "Do you have a small piece of paper?"

Quin raised a brow and shifted uncomfortably though she was smiling. After a few seconds of fishing in her pockets she handed Nyrette a small folded piece of cardstock with some old numbers scrawled on one side.

Procuring a pen, Nyrette took the card and wrote down a letter in large form and handed it to Iisska. There was a large black V on the card. "Here, you dropped this." She said.

Iisska frowned. He looked at the V. He turned it over and looked at the smudged senseless numbers. He flipped it back over again. He glared at Nyrette. He looked at the V again. The confusion rapidly filling the room was palpable. It had a slight hazelnut flavor. "Is this a joke?"

"Think about it for a moment." She said. 

"I am thinking about it," he said, "You have some wack sense of humor or something, lady. There's nothing here, it's just some stupid mark on a paper. Is this some human custom that--"

There was a silence that struck the lounge like a train hitting a small adorable animal. Iisska stared straight ahead for a few seconds. Then his hand started shaking and he crunched the piece of paper in his hand.

"Oh... This is... It's a V... It's a... 'V-card,'" he stuttered quietly, "I get it. Hah... because..."

"VIIIIIIIIIRRRRGIIIIIN BLOOOOOOOOD!" Zen screamed at the top of his lungs and the burst out laughing.

Iisska's stripes turned a hillarious shade of neon blue.

"QUIN!" He slammed his hands down on the table.

Quin covered her face and started to try not to giggle, "I'm sorry!"

Cheshik cocked his head as he looked at the card too and had to ask. "This goes over head. What is Virgin?"

"One whom has not had sex, Cheshik." Nyrette chuckled, much to Iisska's dismay.

"Why do you have to say that word like that?" Iisska moaned at her. He had slid off the lounge seat and was slowly curling into a tighter and tighter ball on the floor under the table.

"Don't feel bad Iisska." Nyrette said. "We've all got embarrassing secrets that deserve to be laughed at for five, maybe six, minutes tops." She smiled.

"Like?" Zen said.

"Um...you first." She said, sheepishly.

"I'm pretty sure I fathered a daughter somewhere in the galaxy because I got yelled at for alimony that I refused to pay ten years ago. Your turn." Zen responded.

Quin folded her arms, "Let me guess. You still haven't paid it. Oh, I'm so suprised at you, Zen. Well at least the kid doesn't have to deal with you."

"Well..." Nyrette said. "I have a crush on Quin." She said outright.

Quin choked on her own spit after sucking in a gasp and went into a coughing fit.

The table was bumped from underneath as Iisska lurched back up into his seat, "Come on, I knew that one already."

Quin was able to get her breath back only long enough to scream at him, "YOU WHAT!? YOU KNEW!?"

A fanged and very jagged smile that would make a demon think twice split across Iisskas face, "Vengence."

Marquis, whom has been quiet the entire time with the hologram Trinity next to him finally spoke. "Everybody knew, Pik'ire. Everybody." he chuckled and sipped his hot oil. "As for me, I was a sex bot for two months before I joined the crew."

"You... Really? Everybody? I... Wow. I suppose you could be considered the 'knight in shining armor' type now that I think about it," Quin said, "This is becoming a lot to take in."

"That is what the she said!" Cheshik yelled. "...right?"

Iisska guffawed and giggled, "Right."

"Well. It is the turn of me, correct? Well." He shrugged. "I am into the male gender."  he said plainly. "Or...as Iisska once called Zen's methods: "Gay""

"Oh, please. You need to have something more embarassing than that," Quin said, "That hardly qualifies."

"Then Nyrette having smash on you is not qualified either, right?"

"Er... G... No. No that' still counts... Though I guess she shouldn't actually be embarassed... because... you know," Quin was blushing violently.

"Oh I want to do that too." Nyrette winked at Quin and laughed.

Quin swallowed hard, looked away and downed half her tankard in one go. On the other side of the table Iisska's unwavering look of child-like curriosity had transformed into the twisted sneer of someone betrayed in the worst way.

"No," he hissed.

"What?" He questioned Iisska.

"You-- You-- YOU'VE SEEN ME NAKED! I WASN'T EVEN-- HAD I KNOWN-- I don't!! GAH!"

"Oh Iisska. You are not my interest. But you are, as they say, "hung" and you should be proud, but slim the gut a bit. Baby fat is not cute."

"HEY! First off... don't talk about it like that. Second off, why does everybody keep calling me fat?"

"Because virgins are fat." He said.

"I thought we were friends," Iisska grumbled... then looked at the small roll under his shirt.

"Don't get worked up. You aren't fat. You're... Um... You're... Aaaahhhh," Quin waved her hand around and looked for a word, "Husky?"

Feeling bad, Cheshik wrapped an arm around Iisska and pulled him into a hug. "Do not worry, brother. It will go away with time."

Well. Last now was Trinity, whom had happily stayed quiet and watched the chaos unfold. When the group turned to her she looked sheepish as her eyes darted between Zen and Iisska.

"I...uh...well." She froze for a moment before just sighing as Marquis patted her device. "I don't like One Punch Man."

"OH BULLSHIT!" Zen and Iisska stood and yelled. "THAT'S A LIE AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Iisska nearly threw the table over bolting to his feet, "THAT IS FINE ART, MA'AM."

"Um. What is one punch man?" Nyrette said. 

"No, don't!" Quin tried to stop her... but it was too late.

Zen and Iisska's neck borderline broke in two as they snapped their heads around and looked at her. "IISSKA. GRAB THE TELEVISION AND I SHALL GRAB THE REMOTE."

Iisska raised one hand and slammed back his entire tankard with the other. Two loud bangs sounded from down the hall before an old, beat up holo-screen was forced through the doors of the lounge and into Iisska's arms.

"Where we're going, we don't need remotes," Iisska growled.

"DON'T QUESTION IT. JUST TURN IT ON."

Iisska slammed that shit down on the bar where everybody was forced to see it and turned to the first episode.