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Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Apokalipse
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Apokalipse AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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General Information

Name: Evergreen Lemõsè
Age: 230 (looks 19)
Gender: female
Title: none
Species: elf
Alliance: dragonian


Okay, so a lot of people don't understand the title bit. But basically, it's an honorific; for instance, nowadays in English speaking countries, people call doctors Dr., married women Mrs, single women Miss, ambiguous women Ms., and men Mr. However, because it has a high fantasy element and a hierarchy similar to medieval Europe (kingdoms, etc. etc.) in place of these we have Madam, Lady, Princess, etc. It's a show of hierarchy.

Relationship Information
Sexuality: virgin


Sexuality does not infer a person's sexual experience, rather a person's sexual feelings towards another being. Homosexual, Heterosexual, Sapiosexual, Asexual, the list goes on.

Siblings: one half-brother, a Japanese human swordsman by the name of "ketsueki kuchi"


Not much of the world has been noted, but considering it's fantasy, "Japanese" or "American" or any other ethnicity may not necessarily exist in this land.

Personality

Evergreen used to think of herself as the queen of the forest... at the young age of 20. She lives in the tree tops, feasting on berries and nuts, always weary, never trusts anyone when she first meets them. She has very few friends, preferring to be secluded and alone. Definitely not a fan of anything artificial.

This in itself does not tell people much at all about her personality. A CS is like a guideline to a character in order to understand how another character may react to her and conversely. However, seeing her CS, I have no idea how Sabira or Elspeth would feel about Evergreen. Instead, it seems as if this character is rather a stereotypical unfleshed character: the lone female protagonist who hates other people until a man comes and melts her heart.

When making a character, it is good to think of what her flaws are, what her good points are, and how she can grow as a character/person.

Skills: an arrowsmith and archer, as well as being skilled with a Japanese tanto knife, she is a force to reckoned with on the battlefield. At home however, she is a gardener.


What are her weaknesses?

Biography:

born in to a family very low down in the hierarchy, evergreen was always looked down upon by everyone. She was the laughing stock of all the noble families and always the "peasant tree" or "that one rotting apple" and her personal favourite: "you there, move."
She was the daughter of a silversmith and a maid; which never gave her much hope in the fun game of "your mother sucks because:"; a childhood favourite of everyone except herself.
Her fortune turned when she entered the eleven school of woodland magic and fighting, when on a mandatory ambassador tour, the Prince noticed her and took a special liking to her, for her talent and looks. Suddenly she had become the big name, the adopted daughter of the king of elves.
But it all changed when the fire nation attacked king was assassinated, and the royal family exiled from the treetops. Forever. She lived in the forest for many years; feeding on berries, honing her skills and fining out her fighting technique.
It was sheer luck; or maybe fate; that brought her upon the emerald green egg that held the spawn of a dragon.


How did this affect her as a person? How did she feel about the events that transpired? More details should also be provided, reading this, I am still lost as to who Evergreen is as a character.

Something else for everybody is that presentation can change how people perceive a character a lot. And I don't mean you have to have fancy writing, or fancy pictures, or a fancy setup, but grammar, nice syntax, correct sentence structure can make your character go a long way. I'm only mentioning this as a way for people to grow as writers. What helps me is thesaurus.com, as well as writing everything in a word document (or google docs, which is free) first in order to spellcheck.

@WhiteStar19

Would it be preferred to have one gender over the other? It's not like J will change appearance every post or anything like that.


I think what Whitestar means is preferred pronoun. What would J prefer to be called, by female pronouns (she/her) or male pronouns (he/his) or perhaps even singularly-used plural pronouns (they/their)? Also, is J agendered as in they do not prefer to be any gender at all, or genderfluid where sometimes J feels like a girl and sometimes feels like a boy?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by WhiteStar19
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WhiteStar19 Queen of the Seas

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@MonkeyBusiness
xD What Apokalipse said.

@Daggerskull@Keyblade87
Okay, you two... I have no idea if either of you guys are done, but let me lay something down for you. I want good grammar please. Capitals, periods, full sentences, all that jazz would be great. In my honest opinion, what you two have both just laid down for me is the work of some of the lower level Free Roleplayers. Key, you're a bit better on the grammar itself, but come on... Look at my CS and Apokalipse! And Bishop's and MonkeyBusiness's. They have content to them, some character development. I think I also put "Written Description of Your Dragon", not just a picture. I am looking for character development here, some content. Something that will be interesting to read. Not just some blunt half descriptions...

@Apokalipse Did I miss anything? Or is there anything you'd like to add, my lovely Co-GM?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Apokalipse
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@Apokalipse Did I miss anything? Or is there anything you'd like to add, my lovely Co-GM?


Just a reiteration of substance. What helps me is that, when you're writing don't think "is this enough?" but rather "does this aptly explain my character in some way?" If you write something, and it doesn't somehow contribute to the way your character acts the way they act, then it's not needed. Aka, ages in the bio. They are not one age, it is a summary of the important events in their life. Also, when writing a personality, you do not always have to use this, but I find it helps sometimes: the Japanese believe people have three faces (alone, with friends, public). It is how they act in these three situations and it helps setting the bulwark for a great personality paragraph. With bio, don't just write about adulthood. Write about birth, childhood, teenage-hood, and then the current situation they are in now.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Daggerskull
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@WhiteStar19 can you give me some pointers/examples of where I went wrong, because I'm at a loss on the grammar side.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by WhiteStar19
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General Information

Gender: female
Title: dethroned princess
Species: elf
Alliance: dragonian

Relationship Status: single
Sexuality: asexual
Partner: nope
Siblings: one half-brother, a human swordsman by the name of "ketsueki kuchi"
Others: a pretty lonely lone wolf

Skills:she is both an arrowsmith and an archer, as well as being skilled with a silver tanto knife. she is a force to reckoned with on the battlefield. At home however, she is a gardener.

Weaknesses: anything that can outrange her bow is a big threat, anyone who can use her slightly low self-esteem against her

Biography:

born in to a family very low down in the hierarchy, evergreen was always looked down upon by everyone. She was the laughing stock of all the noble families and always the "peasant tree" or "that one rotting apple" and her personal favourite: "you there, move."
She was the daughter of a silversmith and a maid; which never gave her much hope in the fun game of "your mother sucks because:"; a childhood favourite of everyone except herself.
Her fortune turned when she entered the eleven school of woodland magic and fighting, when on a mandatory ambassador tour, the Prince noticed her and took a special liking to her, for her talent and looks. Suddenly she had become the big name, the adopted daughter of the king of elves.
But it all changed when the king was assassinated, and all the royal family were exiled from the treetops. Forever. She lived in the forest for many years; feeding on berries, honing her skills and fining out her fighting technique.
It was sheer luck; or maybe fate; that brought her upon the emerald green egg that held the spawn of a dragon.

Dragon Color: green
Dragon Name: guramu
Dragon gender: male
Description of Your Future Adult Dragon: vines cascading down his thickly scaled head, guramu's body will be a slim, hunters body with rippling muscles barely contained beneath his emerald hide. A harpoon tail as long as as the rest of his body will swerve around with deadly accuracy, puncturing whoever his mistress would ask him to.
Specific Dragon Powers:
  • Wilderness call: guramu calls a stampede of woodland creatures to his feet
  • vine slam: the vines that make up guramu's "hair" will turn into snake-like whips and attack enemies
  • jade flash: guramu breaths out an assault of green fire, burning everything foolish enough to stay around him for that long. Everything but the trees.


ALL of those need to have capital letters at the beginning, for starters. Her weaknesses are not a full sentence. The sentence about her feeding on berries is grammatically incorrect. It's not just the grammar either that's wrong with your CS. You have barely any content as to who your character really is. I want character development, not just some sentences. Like why was the King assassinated? Why did her family hate her? Give me content. Don't just try and meet the minimum requirements and back out. Also, you didn't even meet my minimum requirements for a few of these. I don't want a three sentence paragraph that's hardly anything. I want more than three sentence paragraphs with deep content in them. Please, look at my CS or Apokalipse's. You can get some good ideas from them on what you're supposed to do.

Also, your title is completely wrong! Elves had no king or queen, as the King was human. He ruled over everyone. Your title would be "Madam", and your elf would not be a princess. This also makes your biography, technically in this timeline, historically incorrect.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Apokalipse
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@WhiteStar19 Psst...clarified on Elspeth.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by MonkeyBusiness
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@WhiteStar19

I have made some changes to the sheet to fix the mistakes.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by WhiteStar19
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@MonkeyBusiness@Apokalipse
Both look good. I will move them to the Character Tab. I'm not going to ask anyone to delete those posts in there, mainly because I'm not exactly sure how to ask, so if you guys could just click the links in the first post and ignore the mess ups, that would be great...
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by fourtimesnine
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Hi there!

This sounds like a really cool premise. I might be interested in joining, but before I start writing the CS, I'd like to ask: How long should posts be? How often should we post? I'm still fairly new to RPing, and this would be the first "Casual" level RP I've joined, so I want to make sure that I can keep up. Thank you!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Apokalipse
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Hi there!

This sounds like a really cool premise. I might be interested in joining, but before I start writing the CS, I'd like to ask: How long should posts be? How often should we post? I'm still fairly new to RPing, and this would be the first "Casual" level RP I've joined, so I want to make sure that I can keep up. Thank you!


I don't know any complete specifics. But in casual, they usually expect a paragraph or two for each post. How often a person posts usually depends on the pace of the RP, so once it starts, it can go from any length. However, usually, in casual, you post every two or so days.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by fourtimesnine
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@Apokalipse

Thank you very much! I think I can manage that, so without further ado, here's my WIP character!



Edit: Whew, I think I'm done! Is this ok?

Edit: Made a few last-minute changes. Now it's done.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by WhiteStar19
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@Apokalipse@fourtimesnine
And anyone else doing stuff today... I am getting my wisdom teeth out, so I will be loopy and unaware today. I trust Apokalipse's judgement and I will try to come back in the next day or so to move stuff over.
1x Laugh Laugh
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Apokalipse
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@Apokalipse

Thank you very much! I think I can manage that, so without further ado, here's my WIP character!



Edit: Whew, I think I'm done! Is this ok?


I haven't looked at it yet, but I will later today.

@Apokalipse@fourtimesnine
And anyone else doing stuff today... I am getting my wisdom teeth out, so I will be loopy and unaware today. I trust Apokalipse's judgement and I will try to come back in the next day or so to move stuff over.


Heh. That's gonna be fuuuunny.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Apokalipse
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Apokalipse AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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@Apokalipse

Thank you very much! I think I can manage that, so without further ado, here's my WIP character!



Edit: Whew, I think I'm done! Is this ok?

Edit: Made a few last-minute changes. Now it's done.


It looks fine to me, really. (:

DOESN'T MEAN YOUR ACCEPTED

sorry just don't want any accidental additions to the character tab

I don't have the ultimate power to accept characters, only Whitestar does. I just offer feedback
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by WhiteStar19
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@fourtimesnine
She looks great! I will put her in the character tab sometime today. xD
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by MonkeyBusiness
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@WhiteStar19

How you doing without those wisdom teeth?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by WhiteStar19
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@MonkeyBusiness
Good. Sorry, I'll put my starting post out there. It isn't going to be very long, just telling you.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by WhiteStar19
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Alright, everyone... So something has come up to where I can only do so much on the Guild, and I have officially turned the GM position over to Apokalipse. I hope that you guys still will stick with this RP in the future, but I, sadly, will not be a part of it. I know Apokalipse will do a great job and I trust you will all respect them as you would have respected me.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Apokalipse
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S'up guys
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by fourtimesnine
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@WhiteStar19

It's sad to see you go, but we get it. Real life happens. Thanks for everything you've done for this roleplay so far, and happy RPing!

@Apokalipse

Sup, nice to have you as our new GM! Also, does anyone else find this hilariously ironic?

I am in no way the GM or co-GM so you do not have to listen to me at all,

*4 days later*
*is GM*
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