[@Akayaofthemoon] I wish I could do more for you than offer you a positive place you can come to for support.  Everyone here cares about you and is rooting for you, and even if we can't really help you in a material way, hopefully venting to us helps a little bit.  I'm glad you know your family loves you a lot and I hope remembering that will be a positive thing for you, and even though you've heard it before, things do get better.