[quote=@Dedonus]
<Snipped quote by ClocktowerEchos>

While I am still looking into it with NMS, I am pretty sure that we still require a sample post.  I believe we changed the rule so that, when you submit your first character sheet, you have to submit a sample post (which you can use as your first post...I always do that), but you don't have to submit any more sample posts if you decide to make a second or third character.

Otherwise, the character sheet looks good.  The only comment that I would have is that the scene where Jackson's brother dies in the 3rd paragraph of the origins section seems a little confusing, especially after his brother dies.  What confused me was that second shot.  Who fired it and who was targeted by the gunfire?  After reading it a couple times, I think I understand what is going on more than when I was writing this post.  Also, check your first sentence of the first paragraph in the same section.  You use "and" for "an" and "was lived" instead of "was living" or "lived".
[/quote]

Whoops, sorry about that >.<"

As for the scene where Jack's brother died, the second shot was originally from a police officer shooting at one of the kidnappers but then I decided to do some editing and somethings might have got derpy. Same with the grammatical stuff.

EDIT: Can I ask what NMS is? o.o