[hider=NSFW]

Let me set the scene for you. I was the resident shitposter in a session a few years back, playing a Dwarf Bard called "Blackjack" who exclusively played Tenacious D songs and spoke (through me) in Jack Black's voice, peppered with as many Nacho Libre/Brutal Legend/School of Rock/Tenacious D references as possible. My best friend -- who was pretty much the king of minmaxing -- played a half-orc barbarian who more or less carried me through every fight, so I dumped all of my skill points into useless crap like leathersmithing, flower identification, etc.

One day, we come upon a Hill Giant. The party consists of Blackjack & Pylo, played by my friend and I, and a mage, a paladin, and a druid.

The Hill Giant swings a log at all of us. Pylo, having put enough skill points into Jump to have [i]Epic Jump[/i], dodges it easily, even with the -6 he takes on the roll for having me on a Hodor-style basket backpack. The light-armored druid and paladin make the jump as well, but our Paladin gets crushed by the tree and into a boulder. While the mage tries to heal our internally-bleeding paladin, the druid chucks a spear at him and Pylo charges with his axe. Because Blackjack is wearing armor and will probably stumble and get fucked up if I roll to leap out of the basket, I have no choice but to cast Rage on Pylo. As are house rules, actually singing while playing a bard gets a +3 on the roll, so I start singing the chorus to The Metal.
[sub]HILL TROLL TRIED TO DESTROY THE METAL, BUT METAL WAS MUCH TOO STRONG[/sub]

It works, and we kill the troll. While the druid and the mage heal the paladin, I ask the DM if the hill giant is circumcised, and get a tentative "Nnno?" Using the Leathersmithing skill I mentioned, I proceed to make a helmet out of the giant's foreskin. The DM tells me if I wear it it'll be -15 Charisma because it's a fucking [i]dick hat[/i], and since charisma is my highest stat I chuck the helmet because the joke wasn't funny enough in the first place. My friend decides to keep the helmet in his inventory because the giant didn't actually have any gold, so he'll at least sell the hat at the next market or something.

Anyway, after that, we make it to the kingdom we were originally trying to get to. Along the way, the druid gets us all arrested for crashing a rally of the kingdom's resident machine-god, and we're brought before the king to confess to our crimes. Along the way we manage to cause a distraction in the royal courtyard long enough for us to break free from our cuffs and get into a separate room, where we find a bunch of similarly-sized noblemen waiting to speak to the king. We pull the classic knock-em-out-and-wear-their-clothes trick to fool the king because we all have really good bluff scores, but as it turns out, Pylo put on the outfit of the royal crownsmith and has to present the king with a new crown.

The King asks to see the crown he's made, and Pylo pulls out the dick-cap.

The DM just says "He has you all executed" and has us reroll characters.[/hider]