[quote=@DeadBeatWalking]
[hider=NSFW]

Let me set the scene for you. I was the resident shitposter in a session a few years back, playing a Dwarf Bard called "Blackjack" who exclusively played Tenacious D songs and spoke (through me) in Jack Black's voice, peppered with as many Nacho Libre/Brutal Legend/School of Rock/Tenacious D references as possible. My best friend -- who was pretty much the king of minmaxing -- played a half-orc barbarian who more or less carried me through every fight, so I dumped all of my skill points into useless crap like leathersmithing, flower identification, etc.

One day, we come upon a Hill Giant. The party consists of Blackjack & Pylo, played by my friend and I, and a mage, a paladin, and a druid.

The Hill Giant swings a log at all of us. Pylo, having put enough skill points into Jump to have [i]Epic Jump[/i], dodges it easily, even with the -6 he takes on the roll for having me on a Hodor-style basket backpack. The light-armored druid and paladin make the jump as well, but our Paladin gets crushed by the tree and into a boulder. While the mage tries to heal our internally-bleeding paladin, the druid chucks a spear at him and Pylo charges with his axe. Because Blackjack is wearing armor and will probably stumble and get fucked up if I roll to leap out of the basket, I have no choice but to cast Rage on Pylo. As are house rules, actually singing while playing a bard gets a +3 on the roll, so I start singing the chorus to The Metal.
[sub]HILL TROLL TRIED TO DESTROY THE METAL, BUT METAL WAS MUCH TOO STRONG[/sub]

It works, and we kill the troll. While the druid and the mage heal the paladin, I ask the DM if the hill giant is circumcised, and get a tentative "Nnno?" Using the Leathersmithing skill I mentioned, I proceed to make a helmet out of the giant's foreskin. The DM tells me if I wear it it'll be -15 Charisma because it's a fucking [i]dick hat[/i], and since charisma is my highest stat I chuck the helmet because the joke wasn't funny enough in the first place. My friend decides to keep the helmet in his inventory because the giant didn't actually have any gold, so he'll at least sell the hat at the next market or something.

Anyway, after that, we make it to the kingdom we were originally trying to get to. Along the way, the druid gets us all arrested for crashing a rally of the kingdom's resident machine-god, and we're brought before the king to confess to our crimes. Along the way we manage to cause a distraction in the royal courtyard long enough for us to break free from our cuffs and get into a separate room, where we find a bunch of similarly-sized noblemen waiting to speak to the king. We pull the classic knock-em-out-and-wear-their-clothes trick to fool the king because we all have really good bluff scores, but as it turns out, Pylo put on the outfit of the royal crownsmith and has to present the king with a new crown.

The King asks to see the crown he's made, and Pylo pulls out the dick-cap.

The DM just says "He has you all executed" and has us reroll characters.[/hider]
[/quote]

While I'll never buy into the "bards are the worst" idea and would point at clerics as the best min-maxer class in 3.5, I'll just go ahead and say that's an AWESOME story.

Now that I've thought about it more, I once got a DM to kill me out of spite.

Okay. Once upon a time I'd made a Fighter in 3.5 whose specialty was chucking javelins. He had all the necessary stuff: brutal throw, adamantine weapons, the Master Thrower PRC... He wasn't the strongest character ever made, but he had a tremendous wallop with those deathsticks of his. His Strength score was pretty absurd, too.

Anyway, my GM was getting annoyed with him. He started creating encounters that would counter him specifically. You know: Protection From Arrows (because magic stuff was actually rare, even though adamantine wasn't), monsters with Deflect Arrows, etc. I was okay with this. It was my fault for making a one trick pony character. I guess my GM thought he had me beat.

We're not more than level 7 or 8 when my GM decides it's time to whip out a lich. It's obvious that he intends this guy to be a badass: he's tough, he's got minions to support him, he's got a Staff of Seriously Bad Magic Dude in his hand, an Ioun Stone floating around his head... the guy was a spook. And the truth is we didn't have much of a counter: our monk was [i]a monk[/i], our rogue was [i]a rogue whose sneak attacks would do nothing,[/i] our wizard was... Frankly, our wizard sucked and was already out of spells by this fight, and the DM NPC had been balefully polymorphed and we made no attempt to turn her back into a human which is probably why we were getting punished with a lich fight at level 7/8.

Anyway, I assessed the situation. I was lucky and got a really high initiative roll, and as the guy always marching in front, I was able to start closing in. I didn't even try chucking javelins because the DM had made it EXTREMELY VERY CLEAR that the lich had SUPER TOUGH BONES which SUPER REDUCED PIERCING DAMAGE. It was laid on pretty thick.

Anyway, turn 1 goes by. I spent it closing in. The monk and rogue are dealing with the Lich's minions. The wizard gets paralyzed by the Lich and some other bad stuff happens. But then it's my turn again.

I look at my DM and say this:

"I grapple the lich."

My DM blinked. "What?"

"I grapple the lich."

"Why?"

"Because he can't cast spells." I left out the part about Silent Spell and Still Spell letting you cast while in that situation because I correctly assumed my DM wasn't that savvy with the system, and I didn't want him retroactively saying "Oh, he has Silent Spell and Still Spell." But I grappled the Lich, and the Lich's BAB and STR were abysmal, so even though his touch stuff (being a lich) would normally be AWFUL to deal with, I pinned him. And that's all I did: I kept him pinned and unable to cast spells.

A few rounds later, the monk decides to jump in on this, having cleared out the minions. The rogue decides he wants to join the grapple as well. Pretty soon the Lich is being grappled by all three of us at once and is getting punched in the ribcage and pelvis every round. Did I mention the monk had some sort of holy handwraps which gave her +2d6 damage vs. evil or something? So, yeah. Lich got killed before ever doing more than paralyzing a single member of the party.

The session ended. The next session came around, and one of the first things that happened is my character got chucked off a 10,000 foot high bridge and died. Such is the wrath of the DM. (I didn't have any potions of featherfall or anything because YRRRRR LOW MAGIC SETTING in which we have a wizard and liches are thrown at us.)