As Jane was awoken out of a pot-fueled sleep, she could tell by the look on Rob’s face that he was about to unload on her everything that he had been bottling up. She braced herself – mentally and physically – as she sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Instantly, she felt remorse for bringing him to this point. He seemed so… rigid. Broken. Upset. If she had just left him alone, let it work it out himself, maybe he wouldn’t be in such a condition. But as she listened to him speak, Jane grew to be concerned about more than just his mental state.

[i]”He’s not gonna…”[/i]

[b]"I’ve never felt like this about anyone”[/b]

[i]”Oh, no.”[/i]

Goosebumps scattered across her skin. His words were reaching out and choking her. Jane’s fight-or-flight instincts were kicking in, telling her to run away as fast as she could from the situation as if it’d disappear on its own. As if that would be the cure to the disease that had been eating away at both of them. But instead of escaping, she sat there, her knees gripped to her chest, and she burned a hole in the ground with her stare. 

[i]”Maybe he didn’t mean it like that. I pushed him too far. I’m making him say things he doesn’t – “ [/i]

[b]"And I have to tell you…you’re more than that to me now.”[/b]

[i]”Shit.”[/i]

Jane was bad enough at handling her emotion – she often just swept them under the rug and hope they’d dissolve– but she was significantly more inadequate to handle [i]others'[/i] feelings. Especially when they involved her. That’s why she didn’t get into relationships. That’s why at any sign of feelings other than physical, she cut ties. But now, she couldn’t do that. Especially to the man she had been badgering to talk to her. But, if she couldn’t cut him out, if she couldn’t run away from him, what could she do? 

If Jane new one thing, it was that she wasn’t built for commitment. A powerful sex drive mixed with a tendency to get bored quickly. If she believed that things could be kept casual, they wouldn’t have to deal with this issue at all. They could hook up and still have their separate fun. But the way that Rob was laying his feelings out on the table, it didn’t sound like he wanted to get laid and high-five in the meantime. His words were said in such a matter-of-fact presentation that Jane knew she couldn’t spin them any other way. 

He had feelings for her. 

And she would probably break his heart. 

"Rob..." her raspy voice said quietly. That was all she could push out.

Instead of hiding away from the confrontation, instead of trying to talk her way out of the awkwardness, Jane got up on her knees, moved over to him as soon as he finished speaking, and she hugged him. Tightly. Even though things were now more complicated than she had anticipated, she didn’t want to scare him off from opening up to her. That [i]was[/i] what she had been begging for. She didn’t want to break his heart. So she sat there for a minute and embraced him.

When she finally released Rob, she pulled out the joint that tucked behind her ear, ignited it, and moved to the makeshift bed that she had abandoned earlier. She patted the pillow to signal him to lay down, and when he obliged, she rested her head on his chest and threw her arm around his stomach after passing him the joint.

Although it was not her intention, Jane realized that this was maybe a cop out. Perhaps verbalizing her thoughts was what Rob deserved. But, she had been waiting for a moment of peace with him for so long that ruining it seemed like a sin. The warm air and the stars above them were like so many other nights they had shared, but this one was different. The truth lingering between them would now change the meaning behind their actions. Simple touches, words, nights spent together. It was all different now.  

Jane rose a bit and grabbed her headphones, sticking one in Rob’s ear and the other in her own, scrolling through her music until she found the song she wanted. [url=https://youtu.be/ipd5t0p1Ohw]Cutting My Fingers Off by Turnover[/url] began at a low volume, and Jane took a deep breath and closed her eyes, her arm squeezing Rob’s torso. Part of her wanted to kiss him so badly, be [i]intimate[/i] with him, make them [i]both[/i] feel better, but she knew that wouldn’t be fair. She couldn’t use him to numb her feelings, whatever they were. 

So instead trying to fix things the wrong way, she laid on him, listening to his heart beat and moving with the slight rise and fall of his breathing. It felt so good and natural to be there with him. But her mind lingered on what to do, playing out scenario after scenario of what would happen if she tried to make things work with Rob, or if she denied him. Either one could end in her losing him, permanently, and that was what scared her the most other than breaking his heart. She eventually drifted off to sleep, though, her hand resting on his stomach and her face buried in his chest.