[color=7bcdc8][h1]Wraith[/h1][/color]

Wraith wasn't exactly feeling fantastic, to say the least. She didn't really respond to Omega and Tank's support at all. It wasn't as though she didn't appreciate their words, as a positive distraction from her thoughts at the very least, it was more that she doubted that she could speak without bursting into tears. In a way, their kindness made it feel worse. She'd have almost preferred for them to throw her out for Umbra, since that would give her a reason to feel angry, sad, scared, [i]something[/i].

As it was now, her feelings had overwhelmed her almost completely, leaving her feeling numb, almost frozen. Where before, her thoughts had been a whirlpool of confusion, now there was nothing happening inside her brain. It was as though she'd just shut down instead of dealing with it, which didn't seem to be the best coping mechanism. 

She just wanted out. She wanted to move, to run, to do something other than just stand in the room while everyone was sitting there, being so damn comforting and kind and good and everything else that she just wasn't. Even Ecto had forgiven her, although he didn't seem completely sure.

She forced a smile as he joked, replying with false, forced confidence. [color=7bcdc8]"If we're all fine by the end of this, you can have any pizza you want."[/color] she said, looking at Ecto, although she couldn't quite focus, being caught up in her thoughts. Raven and Ditch commented as well, but she was zoned out before she could register what they were saying with anything more than a muttered thank you.

[color=7bcdc8]How? How are they all so... Forgiving?[/color] it confused her, scared her. She didn't get it. [color=7bcdc8]How are they still acting like they're just normal people? Why are they being so kind to me?[/color] they were trying to help. She couldn't get mad, they were trying to help. They weren't doing it on purpose, weren't trying to rub it in, but it felt like it all the same. Like they were making sure that she knew she wasn't as good as them. [color=7bcdc8]Making sure I know they didn't end up like me.[/color]

To be fair, everything she'd said to them had mostly been honest. She hadn't exactly been in the mental state to put together a lie. The truth of her feelings was slightly different. Everything she'd said about the guilt, about fear, about killing innocents and what that made her... Well, most of it was true. 

She hadn't necessarily lied, but the guilt that she felt wasn't completely about the killing. She wasn't sure if she agreed with it [i]always[/i] being a last resort yet - there were people who didn't deserve to live, and killing was the only way to bring them to justice. So, the killing wasn't it, not exactly. Killing, by itself, wasn't the reason she feared that she was a monster of some kind.

The issue wasn't really that she'd been a killer, a 'murderer'. In truth, she doubted that she'd never do it again. The problem, the thing that made her feel so sickened by herself, was how much she'd enjoyed it. The power it gave her, that feeling that came with having total control over whether someone lived or died. Hell, she'd even enjoyed the look in their eyes as they'd realised there was no way out. And that feeling, that rush of adrenaline, was what scared her so much.

Because despite how disgusted she was, despite the horror she felt at having the blood of any number of innocents on her hands... There was a part of her that craved that feeling. A part of her that wanted to kill again. A monster inside her head. The part of her that was Wraith, rather than Kara.

She looked up at the members of the group, and gave a small smile, fighting back the wave of nausea that washed over her. [color=7bcdc8]"I don't know how well I'll be able to fix things, but..."[/color] she sniffed slightly, trailing off a bit. [color=7bcdc8]"I'm sorry. And I'm at least gonna try and make it right as best as I can."[/color]

She had to control herself. For her sake, and the memories of the people she'd killed. She had to.