Despite Noah being angry with Elann, he soon calmed himself as she spoke. Even in his heightened state of annoyance her voice did wonders on his mood. It was the way she spoke that did, not the words within. He had made his points clear, and there was a small relief in him to hear it. Regardless of what Elann thought of his points, it was comforting to see that he had been heard… maybe. He listened acutely to make sure, quieting the guilt he felt in her tears. He was truly relating this conversation to many of the other arguments that had been had, and with his memory he believed it was pristine in his ability to recall what she had said and felt in the past.

She trusted there was love in his words, though she didn’t feel it in their bond. It wasn’t because love wasn’t there in the bond, it was overshadowed by the great sense of annoyance he had for her. It was a quiet love, it was his love, and it was a whisper amongst the yelling. In truth, he was asking for her to trust his words because they were honest. When he said there was love in his heart for her, there was. To him, there was no doubt about it. As he had said many times before, if he did not love her, she would not be the bearer of his bond, nor would have even thought of giving it to her to hold in the first place.

Then, suddenly, she said something that was absolutely incredulous in his mind. She was thankful he hadn’t struck her?

Noah shot her a look as the words came out of her mouth. Never had the thought ever graced his mind, and never would it have ever, yet that came out of her mouth. Is that what she expected from his anger, him to strike her? He was an animal, not a monster, and the fact that she had said that was more than enough for him to glean what she thought of him in that moment. Apparently, if she was comparing him to a man of abuse, it was low.

Noah couldn’t believe her at that moment and it was clear by the shock on his face. That shock softened into a quiet hurt that resided within his core. Because of the hurt he stayed quiet the entire regaling, listening as his mood fluctuated between points of hurt, disagreement, and irritation. He felt as if she was attempting to place the blame on him once again, yet quietly in language that didn’t directly say that he was the one at fault, even going as far as distracting from the point by saying that it was her fault.

Noah didn’t want her to admit fault; that wasn’t the point he was trying to put across and it wasn’t the outcome he was wanting. All he wanted her to do was acknowledge that he had been trying, that he had done a lot in the few months they had been together as bondmates, never minding the fact they were married. Their marriage wasn’t his motivation for changing. In fact, it was the outcome of his changes, of him even considering the idea of marrying her, and of him accepting her spurning of his romantic advances. All of it came from the bond, and it was something he understood more so than Elann understood him or it.

Despite his quiet dejection, he listened on. At least she accepted his apology, that was something that brought a little light to the darkness and lessened the stress that the issue caused on his bond with her. He could feel it there, tautly pulled as they writhed in their loneliness. That was what was creeping up in his mood then, a sense of isolation. At least she had said she would try to understand how he worked, but her actions would speak volumes louder than her words because that was how he navigated the world..

Her problem was timing, and that was his problem with her too. The words she had said about him striking her stuck to him like a brand on cattle. She said she had never intended to hurt him and tried to apologize for it, but that apology fell on deaf ears. He had looked away from her again long ago, looking elsewhere. It was clear that she thought lowly of him, regardless of who she thought she was arguing with, or what for that matter. Whether she thought him a child or a monster, or anything else, that was enough to finish the conversation for him.

Noah felt as if she still wasn’t hearing him. She didn’t think it ridiculous to never seek to hurt the one someone loved, saying she hadn’t sought to hurt him intentionally. He had said, many times, that he did not attend to hurt her with his words nor the tone in which they were spoken. She took them as daggers when they actually were paper with plain writing. It was ridiculous to expect hurt to never happen, that was what he responded with, not that it was ridiculous to not seek to hurt the other, but she didn’t hear that, again.

She was backtracking, and he could hear that. Elann kept attempting to villainize him saying he didn’t like their conversation, but it was a statement of truth. It was clear she couldn’t understand his body language; thus it was easier to say he didn’t like something than to react otherwise. He had not lost his temper until he had yelled, and now that he had did that she was attempting to make him feel bad for it by placing the blame on herself when that wasn’t what he wanted in the slightest. She expected him to get frustrated, annoyed, and confused, yet she didn’t act like she did, and that bewildered him all the more.

Suddenly he found himself appreciating Caesarion’s approach to their bond much more than this one with Elann, and again the silver cord between them was relaxed. It wasn’t lax because he was forgiving her, but because he was done resisting and fighting in something that he could not win. He felt as if he was talking to a deaf person, or someone much more wicked than that. In this moment he could not see what Yahal saw in her.

Noah didn’t say anything but he quieted everything about himself. He didn’t dull the bond between them because it would be hypocritical of him to do that because he requested she didn’t do that. It was, though, suddenly gone all together. Feelings swallowed up and shoved away, and even the weak love that he had for her was barely a whisper on the thread. The fire for this engagement had all but gone out, doused by her incredulous statement of her thankfulness for him not hitting her. Ridiculous, he thought quietly.

When his feelings were all but dead, the quiet buzzing of his bodily activity remained being communicated on their bond. Like a storm suddenly giving away to quiet skies, he took a breath and nodded a few times.

“I understand, and I forgive you,” he lied. “I'm sorry. Can we talk about something else?”