[quote=@Dervish]
<Snipped quote by Spoopy Scary>

You misread, friend! One handed (so, swords and maces and shit) and hand-to-hand (kung fu drunkman).

The rest of it's on point, especially the sexy librarian. She helps keep morale up by peering at you dauntingly from above her spectacles. 


[/quote]

I visit the local library every week for that smell of dust and also that sultry look from above those half-circle reading glasses that arthritic old woman gives me when I once again walk up with the library's only VHS- Commando, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.