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Blue can barely suppress a scoff at what Skav says, shaking his head slightly. He might’ve believed it a long time ago, before the Razors, before everything, but in his experience, people never got what was coming to them. Chances are, the guy that’d beat the shit out of him is still out there today, trawling the streets for two-dollar whores like nothing ever happened. He knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was Skav’s way of trying to make him feel better, and he [i]wants[/i] to be thankful, but every part of him is just so inured to all of this. Words, whether they be kind or cruel, don’t affect him as much as they used to. Dealing with people’s bullshit is something you become accustomed to, growing up in the bad part of San Marzano; and rest assured, Blue has spent the entirety of his life getting dealt a shit hand.

What came out of Skav’s mouth next, however, took him off guard. He’d never expect to hear this from anyone, least of all Skav. They had always been distant, enigmatic - emotionally, psychologically - a vague silhouette hidden behind frosted windows. Blue feels his throat tighten, muscles constricting around his airway, and his heart… his heart actually skips a beat. On instinct alone, he presses a tightly clenched fist to the left side of his chest, as if to will his heart into stillness. Blue doesn’t dare to speak, he’s too afraid to, hating how the crack in his voice might give him away. The rush of blood is the only thing he can hear, the sound resonating with the fervour of a thousand, toiling bells. His heart doesn’t stop pounding, and it’s only when he forces himself to take a deep, steadying breath that he notices the tear rolling down his cheek.

[i]How did they end up having this conversation?[/i]

The words are stuck on his tongue, caught in his throat. Blue hears Skav’s voice again, and he’s glad that he doesn’t have to speak quite just yet, only nodding when they answered his query with one of their own. It's embarrassing, almost - this side of himself. He’s never liked showing vulnerability, building up countless walls. Strong, solid, invulnerable, he laughs off any jabs thrown his way, no matter how painful. Blue never lets anyone see how they got to him, creating an callous, impenetrable facade that he uses to keep people at bay. As far as anyone’s concerned, underneath his mask, there’s only another snake, hissing and spitting venom in the faces of those who dared look at him the wrong way. But the thing is - Blue breaks instead of bend, shattering into tinier and tinier shards every time something or someone sets him off. It never takes him long to knit himself back together, to gather up the pieces, to pretend like everything’s fine. He doesn’t realise how much he needs those words until he hears them for himself.

Skav’s recollection of their experience stirs up a strange sense of empathy within him. He’s never gone through the same trials they have, not exactly anyway, but he feels their despondency as if it were his own. It’s been far too long since he’s had any meaningful human contact. Most of his encounters are painfully superficial, fuelled by tabs of ecstasy , or whatever he can get his hands on, and he never remembers much the next day - just bits and pieces, tastes and sensations. It satisfies his most primal cravings, the ones deep beneath his skin, gnawing away. None of it ever lasts long enough, though. Like the hallucinogens he loves so much, all they do is leave behind a gaping emptiness, harder and harder to satisfy with each passing day. He never stops searching for a way to fill the void, but perhaps he could stave it off awhile more.

[color=bf00ff]“You [i]are[/i] worth something, you know?”[/color] Blue begins, but the words sound sharp and jagged, like he couldn’t quite bring himself to say them. The sight of Skav’s tears, however, causes him to blink in surprise. For a moment, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Was it a trick of the light? It was dark enough in the apartment, maybe he was just seeing things that weren’t there. Those doubts quickly evaporated when he heard the sound of their voice - strained and choked with tears. Blue’s fingers reach up as if to touch Skav, but his hand hovers over theirs, unsure. Then, without any warning, he hoists himself up onto his knees, and leans forward, almost collapsing against Skav. His arms move to snake around Skav’s torso, hands coming to a rest at their back. It’s awkward, at first; he can’t remember the last time he actually hugged someone, but it’s all he can do to push any doubts to the back of his mind. Would they react kindly to it? Would they push him away? He doesn’t wait to find out, and draws back after a few seconds, sinking back into his side of the couch.

Blue is only silent for a moment, then he drags a hand down the side of his face, murmurs something unintelligible. He feels bloated, unhealthy, [i]miserable[/i], but takes another pull of vodka anyway. It doesn’t taste any better, even if the burn down his throat is a welcome distraction. Once again, he finds himself on the receiving end of this little game of theirs, though he isn’t quite sure if there was anything left to tell. Still, he reaches into the furthest recesses of his mind, finding a memory that he forgot even existed. “You know that shitty brick building along Mill Street?” He can’t help but pause, a sharp intake of breath punctuating the sentence. It’s as if a floodgate had been opened - old, discoloured memories spilling past with all the strength of a tsunami. It’d been so long ago, but the more he thinks about it, the more vivid the memories become. Blue could almost smell the nauseating stench of vomit, hear the banging of angry fists on the door. “I think they demolished a couple of months ago, but I used to live there when I was a kid.”

[color=bf00ff]“My mom… god, she was a bitch.”[/color] Blue lets out another laugh, but his eyes start stinging again, and he quickly turns it into a cough. [color=bf00ff]“Everyone says all this crap about [i]family[/i], right? About how they’re the ones who care about you the most? But she never did anything for me. All she cared about was getting high - didn’t even notice when one of the guys broke my hand for taking his lighter.”[/color]

[color=bf00ff]“I got out, though - soon enough. That’s when I found my brother’s place, almost couldn’t convince him to let me stay, but he stopped saying [i]‘no’[/i] when I showed him the money I stole from her before I left.”[/color] His teeth are bared in a grin, as if he’d said something very funny indeed. [color=bf00ff]“Didn’t have to lock myself in the bathroom just to get some sleep anymore.”[/color]