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[sub][url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyP9eF4FC8k][color=#ff00a5]M O O D[/color][/url][/sub]
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[i]no no no no no[/i]

Skav clung to Blue desperately, because that was all they could think to do now. Shaking like mad, they wanted to scream it wasn't okay, it would never be okay. People like them were doomed to be suffocated by people like Arya and Blue's mother. Skav wasn't going to survive the summer, and that was that. That was God's will, that was natural selection. The weak die first to make way for the strong. Skav was weak, Arya was strong, that's how it was before and how it will remain. It wasn't okay. It wasn't okay. Skav realized they were riding the coattails of a panic attack a second too late, and just after coming to terms with that they were aware of Blue's inquiry. When and where and why and how and how and how.

[i]How were they going to die?[/i]

Knives and needles hung in front of their eyes. Skav hid their face in Blue's shoulder again.

[b][color=#ff00a5]"Saw her... I saw her last on the day my mom died. Three years ago."[/color][/b] Skav breathed, trying to slow their rambling mind and heaving lungs. Subconsciously, their arms tightened around Blue's midsection, squeezing his tighter and tighter with each shuddering sigh. Only three years. Idly, they mused over how young they were, being only nineteen. Skav felt much too young to die. [b][color=#ff00a5]"That house was so quiet, so-so quiet, and I saw mom hanging-- no, I saw her shadow first, in the doorway, swinging, hanging on the fan. And when I went in to the room next door and I saw Arya staring out the window and she was smiling, and she turned to me and said 'свободный конец'--'[i]loose end[/i]'."[/color][/b] Skav's Russian was unpracticed and accent-less, but they translated the mush of a word easily. It was such a crystal clear memory, Skav felt sick reciting it so easily. Another tremor shot through them, stunned them, and Skav had to untangle their arms to save Blue from being crushed by the sheer force of the panic attack.

Still, they went on, tearless and stuttery, horribly apathetic. [b][color=#ff00a5]"She--she gave me a five minute head start. I think she expected to catch up, to find me outside in the town somewhere but I didn't leave the house. I locked myself in the guest bedroom closet and stayed there for-for God knows how many days, then I stole dad's Mustang and drove until it was out of gas and out of energy. I ended up outside of San Marzano, and here I am."[/color][/b] They laughed, ignoring the horrid noise  it was in favor of pulling far, far away from Blue. They scrambled back into the other arm of the couch and fought to breathe, staring wildly down at the man. 

[i]He wanted answers. He needed answers.

He won't help you, just die already and get it over with-- right on your own terms. 

The knives are in the kitchen, in the bathroom, made out of glass and concrete. One slice and you're out forever.

Suicide is a sin.[/i]

[b][color=#ff00a5]"I won't last the summer."[/color][/b] Skav hissed, squeezing their cloudy eyes shut tightly, [b][color=#ff00a5]"No one needs a loose end in the family. Kill one and their secrets die with them, get it?"[/color][/b] They curled in on themself and suffered through the panic attack that was fully upon them, fighting to breathe but fighting harder to give Blue an answer they deserved.

Then it hit them. Skav rose their head and stared dumbly ahead, all pretenses of apathy and panic gone in favor of chilling realization. They gaped, they swallowed, they didn't breathe, then in broken Russian they pointed at Blue and said, [b][color=#ff00a5]"свободный конец."[/color][/b] Skav could cry again if they had the energy to. Instead, they stood and instantly stumbled, crashing onto their knees with a loud bang. [b][color=#ff00a5]"I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. A drunk fucking idiot. I've killed you too, haven't I? Oh God, Oh dear God-- stupid, stupid--"[/color][/b] They slammed a hand against their forehead and winced. Skav shouldn't have been so blindly eager to share, to get drunk without keeping themself under control. 

[b][color=#ff00a5]"Blue,"[/color][/b] They cried; it was a broken, ugly noise, [b][color=#ff00a5]"The man you killed, the men in the bar, they said her name-- I heard it. I might have been high as shit but I heard it, and that means they know her, or they're working for her. They saw you too-- dammit."[/color][/b] Skav surged to their feet and stumbled up against a wall. [b][color=#ff00a5]"What am I supposed to do? If she finds out I told you what she did she'll kill you too-- you shouldn't, you [i]don't[/i]--"[/color][/b] 

And then Skav the Crow panicked.

They clutched at the wall and shook. They ran their fingers over and over their head until the skin felt raw and turned over fruitless plans in their head. They imagined the dead body of Blue and nearly threw up right then and there without warning. [b][color=#ff00a5]"I don't know what to do."[/color][/b] They whispered, [b][color=#ff00a5]"I've killed you, I've killed you. You don't deserve [i]that[/i], no, no, no. I've killed you."[/color][/b] They scratched at their scarred arms, picked apart the healed flesh and remembered how each was obtained. Some Arya, some not. The 'not's gave them a fledgling feeling of balance, too small to cling to. Skav pressed their face into their hands and clutched for air that didn't exist again. 

[b][color=#ff00a5]"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."[/color][/b]