Nadya's phone blared a song in another language only inches from her head. She groaned and snatched it off the table, dismissing the alarm before it woke up her neighbours. She didn't want to get up... Not today. She didn't want to get up yesterday. And dammit, if she already knew that she wouldn't want to get up tomorrow. She rubbed her eyes and slowly counted back from ten before finally sitting up. The nurse dragged herself out of bed. A fucking three a.m. shift - this was going to be so much fun. She pulled on a pair of slippers and headed for her bathroom, already the sounds of sirens and shouts filled the Chicago streets. Or did they [i]still[/i] fill them..? Who said New York was the City that Never Sleeps? It seemed like she was the only one trying to get some god damn reset around here. She combed her hair before putting it into a bun, washed her face, put on a very thin layer of make-up, and leaned on the counter. Nadya stared at her reflection in the mirror, her glazed eyes watched back menacingly. She shook her head, looked down to the sink, and then looked back up with a smile. [i]No, too fake... Try again,[/i] She chided herself, rubbing her face one more time, toning down the expression to be a little bit more tame and 'normal.' [i]That'll do,[/i] She decided, it only had to look like she was doing okay, not great. A pot of coffee was prepared shortly after she was ready - there was still time before she had to leave, after all. As she prepared a bland breakfast of two overcooked eggs and a mug of coffee with three sugar packets and two creamers added, she unlocked her phone and scrolled through Facebook. This was all she had anymore - just a mindless activity of scrolling along a screen full of statuses and pictures she didn't care about. Nadya brushed her teeth and pulled on her scrubs and a lab coat with her name and position embroidered on the breast. One of her co-workers would be outside any minute. Carpooling wasn't easy in this line of work, but it was almost necessary in this city. --- Approximately twelve hours later --- Nadya pushed through her door and locked it behind her, tossing her keys on the counter and ripping her coat off. She couldn't get it off fast enough. Her next target was a chair in her small kitchen and the woman fell into it, the exhaustion in her motions was clear. Her feet throbbed and her eyes fell her coat, which was now on the floor. It was splattered and soaked with the weight patients lost and saved, splotched in red. She placed her face in her hands... She didn't have much more of this left... Then she could move on to what she truly wanted. This was what she lived for once upon a time, when she was young, stupid. All of these people who came in with gunshot wounds, car accident wounds, assault bruises, punctures looked to her for help and were no longer in her ward by the time she returned. Different people every day - how were there so many? And now here she was, in her empty apartment... About to cancel another call to Jon and her parents because she just couldn't let them see her like this. She had to take a shower, right now, she realized. She had to get this smell off of her, a fresh pair of pyjamas, and stay locked in her apartment as long as she could. The woman scrubbed every inch of her body clean, basking in the hot water before stepping out and getting dressed. She picked up her coat, tossed it in her laundry hamper and fell into a loveseat in the parlour. It was grossly underused, hardly even broken in. The sofa from her old apartment didn't fit in this one, so she had to get this two-seater couch. That was fine, it was long enough that she could easily take a nap. [i]Nadya looked around... Why was she at work? Did her shift not actually end? No, she was sure that it had... God, time ran so crunched nowadays, in this place, that she couldn't tell the difference anymore. Time to get back to work. It felt like an eternity of seeing all of the same cases she saw for the past few days when they got a call - a firefight not far from the apartment, three officers in critical condition en route. The entire Emergency Room exploded as patients were packed even tighter and doctors moved as hastily as they could without getting their respective charges killed on account of malpractice. The doors burst open as the gurneys were run in from the ambulance, orders were barked left and right. The nurse grabbed a crash cart and attached herself to the first patient. His face was covered by a mask and she took over squeezing it to make sure he was getting air. His uniform top and buttons were ripped open and he had multiple holes in his torso. The paramedic was briefing the situation on this particular patient to the doctor and Nadya, but she didn't hear a word of it as she looked at the man. Her hand covered her mouth and she took a deep breath. Her husband lay before her.[/i] "NO!!" She screamed, bolting up from her position lying on the couch. She'd soaked her scrubs and the fabric with sweat as she panted, placing a hand on her chest. Turning to place her feet on the ground, she buried her face in her hands and shook her head. Why... Why does this keep happening? She never even had the chance to try to help him, but she was haunted by it all the time. Her breath shook and she just let the tears roll down her face. An hour later, she sat back down on the couch. The weight in her hand seemed somewhat heavier than she remembered last time she held it. It made a soft, near silent click as she turned the small switch on the side. A red velvet fabric cloth lay sprawled out on the coffee table, nice and neat, the corners perfectly smoothed out. Another soft click came from it as she locked back the hammer of the SIG Sauer. She couldn't take this anymore... With a shaking hand, she placed the barrel under her chin, in the soft flesh directly beneath her tongue. Her breath caught in her throat and she squeezed. Harder. [i]Pull! GOD DAMMIT PULL![/i] She urged her index finger as she tried. Her phone rang and she let out a sigh, the weight of her pistol finally making her realize what she was doing. She dropped the pistol on the table in fear, staring at it like it was a monster... Did she really almost do that? The song on her phone continued to play - that was her parents' ring tone. She snatched it up and answered it. "Hello?" She said and her son's voice came back over the line. "Mommy! You didn't call, I don't want you to forget!" He chirped excitedly, "Are you okay?" She bit her lip, her voice cracking slightly, "Yeah, baby... Yeah, I'm okay... I'm glad you called and I'm sorry I forgot again... You know your momma's a bit of a mess, but it'll be alright, I promise," She swore, her breath quivering as she pulled the receiver away from it, wiping her eyes.