Day 04 - A song that reminds you of something sad

When I was in the 7th grade I met this amazing girl named Tyra. We became very close friends.
She would invite me over to her house almost every week, and she would always have this song blasting in her room. It was her favorite song, and I'd sometimes hear her humming the tune whenever I was with her. We grew apart, though, when we went off to high school. Her family moved to a different house not too far away, so she was in a different school zone. We kept in touch for the first half of 9th grade, calling or texting each other every day. Soon, days turned into weeks, and then months. The last time I'd heard from her was New Years, when she sent me a quick text.

Tyra committed suicide three months ago.

Every time I hear this song, I am reminded of her, and I can't help but tear up. I just wish that I would have been there for her. I still regret not trying to call her more, because now I really miss hearing her voice.

I dunno this is a weird one because most songs are pretty fuckin blatant unless they're intentionally bullshit vague or else sung by a mush mouthed fucker - and people already mentioned Bohemian Rhapsody and Smells Like Teen Spirit so natch.

But like I dunno M83 is great and this song sounds kind of happy in the instrumentation but then the lyrics are not happy and then on second listen the music could be seen as melancholy or wistful longing and it's just like whatever. It's open for the individual.

They've got me on the outside, looking in.
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
They just wanna see me fall.

I'm on the record as saying that What's Up, Fatlip has some of the realest lyrics in the genre. Here's a song from a guy who hasn't really made it - he was in the group The Pharcyde but hasn't had much of a solo career - and is putting his thoughts on why he feels like a loser, giving an honest look into his mental and emotional state - which considering the climate is a nice, rare change of pace. It comes off as more honest than, say, Started From the Bottom which is just masturbatory bullshit or one hit wonders talking about their lifestyles and their shitty spending habits.

But the reason I can relate to this is because I've felt the same was as Fatlip has, obviously not to the full extent - I've never been a rapper or anything, but there are lyrics that can and have described my own thoughts on, well, myself.

Over the years seems like I'm gettin' dumber
Reminiscing to a time when I was younger with a hunger
Full of dreams, determination, self-esteem

I remember when I had lofty career goals and this idea that I was gonna be bigger than what I am. I didn't 'settle' as some people see it, but I did have to reign it in and get a healthy dose of reality.

Ain't got no homies that got my back
Yeah I'm a brother, but sometimes I don't feel black

I don't have many actual friends in my life anymore, I've moved on and 'bought in' or whatever the terms that used to be flung around are. I am black but constantly it takes people by surprise because "I don't act it" which always made me feel odd because that's a strange thing to tell someone.

See. I been a loser just about all my life
Type that tryna turn a ho into a housewife
What do you expect, I give respect

Self explanatory, really.

I make myself sick, get on my own nerves
Immature, insecure grown up nerd

It's really that last part that always hits home. I can be fairly immature and while I've dealt with my insecurities, they definitely were an issue in my younger days. And I mean, I'm into science fiction, movies, video games, Korean entertainment, and anime at age twenty nine. I'm a grown up nerd. And you just have to look at my posting history on this board or if you've seen me on Discord to know that I'm plenty immature. Granted, Fatlip is delving into his self esteem and depression issues but I can still relate to him in ways that resonate with me.

What's Up, Fatlip is often too real for me but that's why I think it's great.