[center] Clara had nearly scoffed at his first words, looking away and to the ceiling for a long moment. To say he never [i]meant[/i] to toss her aside was almost laughable. How could you not [i]mean[/i] to do something like that? How could any of it had been accidental or unintentional? She had wondered day in and day out for years upon years what the hell was wrong with her. What could have been so terribly awful or what could she have done wrong to warrant such a punishment? What had been so suddenly unappealing that she was so easily used and cast aside like a literal piece of trash? She truly believed that she was meant to die that night, and for a number of years she had wished it had happened. Christian had prevented that as soon as he found her, and he prevented it even further in the passing years when she hadn't quite found a purpose. She'd lost absolutely everything that night and was only met with someone who wished to keep her alive – and for what? So she could live with an ever-dwelling anger and emptiness that she couldn't quite satiate?

When Ryanair had decided to speak again, however, she had glanced his way, unsure if she wanted to fully believe the words coming from his lips. Honestly, she knew Kieran had spoken to Ryanair of her before, Ryanair had made that clear when they'd first met each other, but she never expected him to explain what had happened. Who would ever want to talk about or admit to a [i]mistake[/i] like her? The frown remained on her lips as he had continued, however, a swirl of confusion and mixed emotions surging through her at his explanation. Part of her, the logical part, could understand at least in the tiniest bit, why he fled. The irrational, emotional part of her felt nothing but frustration and anger over it. Even if he had to run, why couldn't he come back? Why, after all of that time, did he keep his distance? Because he was [i]afraid[/i] of failing her or angering her?

His distance had only amplified her anger and had only made her feel as if he failed her a hundred times over. 

Had he come back for her, perhaps things would have been different… She hadn't known when he possibly could have watched over her – what she would have given, at least in the beginning, to have a [i]reason[/i] for it all. That emptiness and the lack of answers had her feeling not only anger, but feeling more worthless than she could have ever felt. Everything had been a mistake – she should have simply listened to her father, allowed him to marry her off, and go on with her life. At least she would have eventually died with possibly a smidgen of happiness in her life – at least she would have been content enough to [i]live[/i]. 

Clara looked away from him while he spoke, swallowing the small lump in her throat. Kieran should have told her all of this – not Ryanair… Kieran should have explained everything – he'd had a hell of a lot of opportunities, and yet, he remained silent even when she was [i]there[/i] in front of him – practically [i]begging[/i] without words for him to make it right. 

The sudden unsteady tone of the heart monitor had her looking over once more, watching as Ryanair had immediately reacted to the difference. He hadn't needed to venture far before Ynez had immediately come in and settled herself around Kieran – and the monitor soon regulated once more. 

She let out a small breath that she wasn't aware she was holding before she looked back to the ceiling again. She was exhausted, but she didn't want to sleep. She didn't want to [i]feel[/i] it again. Not after Ryanair had spoken… 

"…Why didn't he ever tell me?" Not that she expected Ryanair to know… But then again, he'd always been closer to Kieran, hadn't he?[/center]
[@Arista]