@RomanAria not to pester, but do we have a date for judge verdicts?
Further feedback for various poems:
Self Abused
As has been mentioned, this one has an extra quatrain. The meter needs work; few lines fall easily into the iambic rhythm it should have. Addionally, the manner used to drop the theme -- the use of the word awakened -- feels a bit forced. I believe you could get away without stating outright that there was an awakening, and even in poetry, the rule of "show, not tell" still applies. However, the rhymes are solid, and the last line of the third quatrain makes me happy, using that poetic flair and flipping prepositonal phrase and the rest of the sentence. In response to @PlatinumSkink, the last two lines do rhyme, and it's not even slant.
Juliet
I don't have to much to say about this one. Again, the meter of this one is not great, but I love the use of analogy here in the final line. And the "six shots" line is downright brilliant, saying so much with so few words, as is the rhyme there. Well played.
Dream to Wake
Excellent work. The line with the bent meter is handled well, and the meter a whole is solid. You used a literal interpretation of awakening, and nailed it. Well done indeed!
@Keyguyperson I figured out which one is yours. =P. Battle...I would not personally consider this a sonnet. I'll overlook the extra quatrain because of a misleading OP, but the (nearly) consistent use of a nine-ten syllabic pattern, the overall lack of iambic rhythm, and the entire repeated stanza makes me feel this is not a sonnet. A good poem? Yes. Excellent form, a flowing, lyrical feel -- I could see this as the words to a song, even. The closing couplet was haunting, and the subject covered well.
Western Sun @Dark Wind
I don't see any bad rhymes. The meter is loose, bit other than that, a solid poem. I like your choice of words, and the use of various colors. "Flaxen" especially is one I don't hear often. All your adjectives are great, and "stargazer of fate", "dream-songs" -- unf. You are a master of words, and paint an excellent picture.
Werewolf's Wife
I'm seeing prayer used as two syllables, which is slightly awkward in my opinion, and not the way I break it at first glance. I found that detractred from the poem for me, as I had to read the line again to get the proper rhythm.
Aside from the typo in the twelfth line, the rhythm in line twelve also seems off. "To the" and "of the" both feel short -- it's not a dealbreaker, but could be improved. Don't flip or break more than one foot in a row if you can help it. That helps keep the change from changing the feel of the line as a whole.
Further feedback for various poems:
Self Abused
As has been mentioned, this one has an extra quatrain. The meter needs work; few lines fall easily into the iambic rhythm it should have. Addionally, the manner used to drop the theme -- the use of the word awakened -- feels a bit forced. I believe you could get away without stating outright that there was an awakening, and even in poetry, the rule of "show, not tell" still applies. However, the rhymes are solid, and the last line of the third quatrain makes me happy, using that poetic flair and flipping prepositonal phrase and the rest of the sentence. In response to @PlatinumSkink, the last two lines do rhyme, and it's not even slant.
Juliet
I don't have to much to say about this one. Again, the meter of this one is not great, but I love the use of analogy here in the final line. And the "six shots" line is downright brilliant, saying so much with so few words, as is the rhyme there. Well played.
Dream to Wake
Excellent work. The line with the bent meter is handled well, and the meter a whole is solid. You used a literal interpretation of awakening, and nailed it. Well done indeed!
@Keyguyperson I figured out which one is yours. =P. Battle...I would not personally consider this a sonnet. I'll overlook the extra quatrain because of a misleading OP, but the (nearly) consistent use of a nine-ten syllabic pattern, the overall lack of iambic rhythm, and the entire repeated stanza makes me feel this is not a sonnet. A good poem? Yes. Excellent form, a flowing, lyrical feel -- I could see this as the words to a song, even. The closing couplet was haunting, and the subject covered well.
Western Sun @Dark Wind
I don't see any bad rhymes. The meter is loose, bit other than that, a solid poem. I like your choice of words, and the use of various colors. "Flaxen" especially is one I don't hear often. All your adjectives are great, and "stargazer of fate", "dream-songs" -- unf. You are a master of words, and paint an excellent picture.
Werewolf's Wife
I'm seeing prayer used as two syllables, which is slightly awkward in my opinion, and not the way I break it at first glance. I found that detractred from the poem for me, as I had to read the line again to get the proper rhythm.
Aside from the typo in the twelfth line, the rhythm in line twelve also seems off. "To the" and "of the" both feel short -- it's not a dealbreaker, but could be improved. Don't flip or break more than one foot in a row if you can help it. That helps keep the change from changing the feel of the line as a whole.
1x Thank
