[@Raijinslayer]

This is completely self inflicted though. I don't know what's been up with mom as of late but she's fucking pissed. I know she means well and I'm lucky that my parents care but just...Holy shit, it's taking a toll on my mentally. Would you believe it if I told you I had //three// mental breakdowns in one day? Euhg.

Graduating high school as quick as I can is mostly just to get her off my case. I wake up to her screaming about how useless I am, how I don't work hard enough, how I should just give up, asking me what I'm even trying for, etc. She's been getting a bit better about it after my dad had a talk with her but it's still a constant worry.

If I can finish a credit by roughly the week, I can graduate at least half a year early. And if I do that, then I can also do whatever extra courses I want while I save up money to move out, since by law I'm allowed to stay at my alt school even after I graduate and continue to earn credits up until I'm 22. Don't intend to do that since that'll mean living with mom for 5 more years, but at least until I'm 18 or 19 methinks.

So I get her off my case and I make more time to get out, as well as working in a school environment to keep my brain from not dying over the months between moving out and uni.


On the bright side, she finally agreed to buy a proper binder...Only took her over a year and two instances of the one she got for 50 cents from the creepy garage sale lady (which I told her again and again is not proper and could do permenant damage to my ribs and/or lungs) cutting to a bleeding point twice, but eh.


[hider=I still don't know how to feel about this][s][s]
My social worker signed me up for this art therapy group sorta thing...One of the guys there going over my history + safety plan in case I go suicidal again was about to call the authorities because he deemed my mom to be both mentally and physically abusive and manipulative. The only reason he didn't is because I'm over 16 (that's more or less the legal age in Canada) and told him I didn't want him to, and that she's gotten better honestly, a lot of it is due to her PTSD, and that she hardly gets physical anymore, and when she does it's a slip up, therapies done wonders, and it wouldn't be fair to my brother because she's good now, she's never done anything near what she used to with my sister and me.

I don't know what to think.

I've always felt guilty that I wanted to move out for a plethora of reasons, but now that he's implying that guilt's possibly imposed on me rather than my own thoughts, and that I might be a victim of gaslighting is sorta terrifying. [/s][/s]
[/hider]

Sorry this became vent-y. Orz