So'kein had to think about his question a moment. "Was I dead?" [I]Perhaps that could explain a few things.[/I] "I don't recall being dead. I thought you were." She scratched the back of her head and tried to make sense of it. Rin curled up next to the man's feet and rested his head on the toe of his boot. The little fox knew that when his master started talking--it was usually awhile before she stopped--so he might as well get comfortable. For a moment So'kein watched the fox curiously as she tried to make sense of her mind.

She continued rambling a bit as she did: "Um, I think when the others came. Were they pirates? They didn't see me when I got away. Or had I left before they came?" Her hands absentmindedly fidgeted with the pocket watch still as she tried to remember the events that had separated her from the group. "When I left," She continued on. "I meant to come back. I was going to help. Or to try and find help, but I..." Her heart ached as she looked back on the memory.

Why did it hurt her so? Some part of her knew she had abandoned them, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to that realization. It was as if she had been lying to herself, without even realizing it. "I didn't mean to leave." Her voice shook a bit. "I don't know what happened. I thought you all had died. I thought I was too late..." Had it all been a trick? Had it been a lie? [I]…within my own head…[/I]

Her mind yelled at her. It shamed her for being a coward. It tore her down for having left them behind. It insulted her and shouted at her the same cruel words she had been battered with so many times by her ex-husband. Her mind had gone back too far. She couldn't take it. 

The watch fell to the ground as she snatched her hands up to cover her head. "Please stop shouting!"