Okay, longest post yet. xD I REALLY wanted to get them through the portal this post. Do you mind that I keep making them kinda fancy? I won’t do it as much once we get into close character interaction. Only as necessary. Let me know, though, if I guestimated the time on Earth with Ghent close to correctly. I assumed it was evening-ish and that small bookstores like that might close somewhere between five and six. Want the times to line up, here, since my guys have world-jumped! And because I can get a little OCD with details. xD

Edit away, my friend! Honestly, I’m likely to be tweaking story and world aspects along the way, just as much as character traits. And thank you for the compliment! :-D By the way, do you care that I’ve taken point with the plot? It just kind of ended up happening that way. I can’t recall if I’ve asked that or not already. Also, what would you say to a couple sort of mini-adventures toward a quest to retrieve parts of something they would need to either bring down or just get to the Sorceress?

Muhahaha! It’s going to be so much fun trying to get Ghent to go back with them, as well as introducing him to this dark Wonderland. I’m excited about getting to some of the other iconic characters.

Bit of feedback for you, if you’re up for it! One joy of practically writing chapters per post: you can potentially get a feel for someone’s writing style in fewer posts than with shorter ones.

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> I like the description of the apartment complex. Negatively positive. Or, uh, positively negative?

> Oh my gosh. The neighborhood gossip, combined with the crazy cat lady. That’s just wonderful, there! And so stinking true!

> Ooo, Axel. Unusual, yet normalish at the same time. Love it! And his description being compared to Finn. I also like his light-hearted personality.

> You do really well with personalities in general, from what I’ve seen! Frank, the random bookstore customer... You can tell that Elise is a caring, loving woman from the first paragraph you see her in. Wonderful!

> Another mention of the past with Wonderland. Creating connections wherever you go! 

> One thing to keep an eye out for, is clarity. For example, it took me a minute to figure out that Miles was a person, and then that Ghent was greeting him. At first, I thought you were saying that something rested miles underneath an awning, and not that Miles, a middle-aged man, stood under the awning.

> Don’t be afraid to start new paragraphs! Dialogue is a good time to start a new one. Every time a new character speaks, or you switch from some mix with descriptions in it into dialogue, their dialogue goes in a new paragraph, which helps immediately tell that there’s a new speaker. The only exceptions I know and can think of right now are if a speaker’s words are interrupted by action, then continued (e.g. “‘You’ve [i]got[/i] to be joking!’ Jake threw his hands in the air, and began to pace, Clair’s eyes following him. ‘There’s no way that’ll ever happen!’” It’s still obvious that Jake’s the one speaking, even though Clair was mentioned), or if you put who speaks and their actions prior to the dialogue itself (e.g. “Jake glared at Clair for a short moment, his thoughts reeling with one question after the other. ‘How could he let that happen? It’s his job to protect them! What was he [i]thinking?[/i]’” The subject of the paragraph is Jake, and Clair is a passing mention, so again it’s clear that Jake’s the speaker, and what he says is connected with the narration statement of having questions, connecting narration to dialogue). Hope that made as much sense outside my head as it did inside...

> Last suggestion for now! When you’re dealing with multiple characters, especially of the same gender, I would suggest using their names a bit more instead of pronouns. Within reason, of course, and only for the sake of clarity when it would be otherwise unclear. Placing dialogue and separate actions of different characters in new paragraphs more would also help a with that as well. In all honestly, I probably [i]overuse[/i] names. Heh.
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