[@Letter Bee] My review for: Alexander Sky [quote] [b]Gender[/b] Male, Bisexual. [/quote] Don’t think that “Gender” is “Sexuality. You should probably just explain that in the personality section or in the likes section. [b]Divine Protection[/b] [quote] [b]Blessing of Investigation[/b] - Alexander's eyes can see, and see through all magical illusions, effects, blessings, curses and even alterations, as well as detect what kinds of Magic, Divine Protection, or Authority have been used or is being cast. The drawback to this, however, is that Alexander's eyes cannot be healed by magic, or can they be strengthened, weakened, or otherwise influenced by supernatural powers. The rest of his body, however, can be attacked just as fine… [/quote] So basically he can “see” that “something is happening” in regards to magics, and if it is an illusion he is able to see past it? I’m alright with magical abilities, but things like divine protections and authorities are off limits in terms of “understanding how they work” or “Understanding what they do”, but I would allow you to “understand they exist” if you see them in action in the sense that “You can sense something that is inhuman”, if that makes sense. [quote] ..and that was when he found the mystery that would satisfy him - the mysterious disapperances of people around the globe, disapperances yet unexplained [/quote] I don’t see, logically, how he would be able to make the jump that somehow the disappearances in the Americas would have barring on the disappearances in other places where the characters are from. It seems like a huge logical leap. What are the connections? People suddenly vanishing? Because though there have been an influx of people recently, according to the latter sections of your biography you have been in Lugnica for some time now. [quote] But while investigating the disapperances, Alexander was drawn to 'evidence' that pointed towards a connection with the occult, and as said evidence mounted, and was shortly dismissed by skeptical professors and police personnel as 'a hoax', Alexander changed his majors from criminology and investigation to 'mythology and history', with side-specializations in the history of the occult, cults, and deciptions of magic in both pop culture and traditional stories. [/quote] I don’t think there is an outside force within the confines of the “Earth” that would lead anyone to suspect occult findings. It seems to be a huge logical leap here. People go missing all the time, but there should not be a large enough missing persons report from the time you went missing according to your profile, as well as the glaring fact that there should be hardly any connections between the cases, as they are isolated, few in number, and should not carry the same traits as each other, aside from sudden disappearance. [quote] Chemistry was also another passion, although Alex was only able to memoize the formula for gunpowder by heart. [/quote] Well I feel that if his only skill would be the memorization of the gunpowder components he is probably a terrible chemist. From a Chemist. It would also be a strange choice to study, but I mean I won’t really question it aside from the fact I feel it is simply tagged on to give your character potential towards constructing simple bombs and guns. Note that the metallurgy of the world should not be able to make anything sophisticated. [quote] [i]Get up...[/i] he would hear, [i]A God commands you. Continue your quest; find a way to return those who didn't want to go.[/i] [/quote] Who told you this? What sort of force wants to return those who have arrived? I don’t see any reason that there would exist an NPC in the world, god or otherwise, that understands the confines of the “other world”, bar Satella, in the canon. [quote] to return 'the missing' back to Earth, though only if they want to, of course. [/quote] I am fine if he wants to find a way to get back to his original home along with those who would want to go, but I don’t really like the “divine mandate” idea you have going on here, considering that my previous point should still stand. [hr] My review for: Myst Neumann [quote] [b]Gender[/b] Male, Bisexual. [/quote] Don’t think that “Gender” is “Sexuality. You should probably just ex… Wait I said this already. [quote] For one day, he made a chance remark criticizing the kingdom's treatment of Elves, which reached the ears of those jealous of him and who wanted to take him down a peg. [/quote] Equality of peoples has been in Lugnica after the civil war 50 years ago, though the discrimination on the personal level has existed for years. Institutionalized discrimination has long not been the practice of Lugnica. That doesn’t mean that personal discrimination exists, but the royal family signed a constitution to prevent more civil unrest with the ever-looming threat of the Witch. [quote] There, he began delving into the other side of Water Magic, the side that twisted life and healing into blood and mutation. [/quote] Know that water magic needs to influence through touch, like all magicks, and someone can dispel “Blood magic” through diluting your influence with their own mana. But against people who hardly know how to control their mana, it should still work. And if someone is weakened, since mana directly correlates to “life energy”, this “barrier” should subside. [quote] And, as he prepared to make his move, Myst began hearing rumors, rumors of people from another world entirely, rumors of people who spoke of a world called 'Earth'. And an obsession rose within him, an obsession to control first Lugnica, then the rest of [i]his[/i] world, then the universe that those 'Earthfolk' came from. But he was going to need help, he was going to need those who would aid him. [/quote] I mean, there would be no proof that a planet called “earth” exists, so I am not sure why your character would believe it would like some sort of Shangri-la or Shambhala or Ys or … well I think you get the point. Unless he just believes that some fairy-tale land exists that he had heard of from … “people”, I suppose. Though I am not sure how such rumors have spread so rapidly. Just considering it from a rational perspective. Even if this is a series based on a light novel that includes a flying whale, people who worship dragons [fucking pagans], and a witch that can rip through dimensions, I still feel such rationalizations are to be expected.