[@Greenie]

I almost killed my main character in my last GoT RP, and holy shit, it coulda ended up with basically having a main, Ned Stark-level of character build up and payoff just ending there (was split across two posts, so basically it left about half a week before people realised I'd actually just written it as a pretty horrible wound that made my character confined to a bed). Didn't think it would affect me as much as it did- Abe can tell you full well, but it felt fucking horrid, really fucking nilistic in actually writing anything beyond for a little while, just because I really didn't fucking know how I would carry on writing anything....killing characters like that is actually incredibly difficult, once you're properly invested into everything you've had them do, and what you'd have to do as a contingency if they went. I didn't go that far, but it felt like I could have, and came close enough to knowing what it can feel like. 

I suppose that's how I know it was worth throwing as an absolute spanner in the works to pretty much everyone else in the RP, the action didn't feel pointless, it's the aftermath of it that was...well, pointless. Like death is, GoT hits us that that absence of life, we just lose our fucking minds when suddenly something goes (and often, in a really horrid, pointless and bloody way). That's what's fucking frightening- it messes with your head IRL, and honestly, from a literary point of view, you can do it too well and pretty much fuck over your mind because you really do not cope with why the fuck you did it, rather than what actually happened. I've killed a character I wrote for four years, in a totally different setting, and I always felt okay with it, because I knew the reality and the harsh facts that drove it to that point, the RP ending straight in that aftermath so it shut and cut the book a bit better. Doing that in the GoT RP was harder because I had to write a man in a bed for the next two months of that RP :D 

Posted btw.