Yes. As I'm sure many of you have at least heard of, if not watched the Netflix Original series called "13 Reasons Why". Whelp, you guessed it. That's where I got the inspiration for the title. Most, if not all of us, have our own reasons why.. these are mine. My reasons why I have contemplated the dark, yet intriguing thought of letting go. Permanently. These are just some personal writes of mine that I'll be sharing with you. Some past, others I'll add as they come along. I'm not one of those people who has the guts to actually do it. So please, don't worry. And definitely don't feel obligated to message me. Don't make it a chore, or a 'Well what if I'm the only person who does?' kind of thing. I lost my mother back in '07 when I was just days from turning 12.. since then, I've been pretty used to being alone and on my own. I can handle it, I promise. This is just my way to let go some of the hardships that I've faced.. some that I've seen people closest to me go through, who have shared their experiences with so much real detail and emotion with me that I've been able to write about it as if I was the one in their shoes. Do me a favor.. hell, do me the honor, and read. Read it slow. Digest what's being said. If you feel the need to comment on anything, feel free to message me any 'reviews', or even post them directly to the page. I enjoy feedback. Positive or negative, it's all constructive criticism, to me. Helps me become a better writer. So.. without further ado. Welcome.. :]

It was freshman year
Damn near the end of it
It was practically summer
I wasn't used to this kind of thing
Attention from a boy
Girls like me just didn't get that
So when I had yours
I was a little too eager
I snuck you into my room
Right underneath my grandmas nose
We shut the door
And left our clothes on the floor
You wouldn't have known it
But I wasn't really wanting that
My mind set me into autopilot
I did things I didnt want to
Yeah, I may have said "yes"
When you asked me if I wanted it
If I wanted you
But the truth is what I wanted to say
Was "yes, I want it to stop"
But all I said was "yes"
And that was all you heard
Not the shaky tone of my voice
You didnt see how my eyes never met yours
The only thing you could think about
Was the moment we were in
And how much YOU wanted it
After you left and we had finished
I sat there on the edge of my bed
Feeling more naked then than I had before
I felt dirty
So I went to go shower
But no matter how hard I scrubbed
The filth wasn't coming off.

My scars
aren't located on my wrists
Or my thighs
but in my mind.
You could take one look at me
and think I'm okay
maybe even that I've never seen
a moment's hardship in my life.
Look deeper into my eyes
the eyes that have cried
been closed tightly shit
the saddest eyes you'd have seen.
My mind I torn with regrets
overthinking what could
and shouldn't have been..
the things I wish I could be.
Scars to much deeper
than just the surface..
if you were to focus on my skin
you'd think I was lying to you.
I may not have dark lines
all across parts of my body..
but the scars remain
as hidden as yours are, now.
You can see my heartaches
in my mannerisms
the way I fabricate problems
from the thin air between us..
Or the way I sit quietly
curled in on myself
a book in my hand
trying to escape.
To escape what its like
to be someone as torn as I
someone who wants to be so deeply loved
but can't be bothered to love herself, first.

We argued
on an almost everyday basis..
But I (unintentionally) started them
Because I missed him
Or because he did something
Something stupid, and little
But it was enough to hurt
And with me hurt turns to anger
Always has
I couldn't even tell you why
That's what I grew up seeing
my parents were always hurt
so they were always angry, too
I learned a lot from them
Like how to not talk about things
Or how to isolate myself
Oh, and talk down on myself
But never how to love myself
And because of that
I've never been able
to properly love anyone..
I may have found someone
Just as fucked up as I am
And I love him
More than words can say
But we both know
we're no good for each other
So now I'm sitting here
Bawling my eyes out
Like a wolf
In love with its moon
Howling
Crying out for a love
It will (probably) never touch (again).