Chapter 6:  Humbled through Humility 

[i] ... Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you" - Philippians 4:8-9 [/i]


Yesterday I was driving out to a new job site. I was asked to report for a construction job but I wasn't given much details on it. All I knew was that I had work, something that has been distant for me for a while. What I didn't expect the type of area I was going to. It was within a community located on a golf course. It was decorated with beautiful florals and houses at least twice the size of what you would normally expect and see in the suburban areas. People around were driving golf carts, walking their dogs in strollers, and had no care in the world for anything. Just as happy as they could be. I was definitely within the neighborhood of the uber wealthy, and I could only dream about being in their positions, wishing and hoping that I could make it like that one day. But then, it even got crazier. When I showed up to the specific address, there was a guard gate. [i] "A gated community within a gated community?" [/i] I had thought to myself. What I saw then was something I didn't expect to see.

After I had passed the gates, my jaw ended up dropping. This was a community that was nothing but mansions with minimum 10 rooms in each place. Gorgeous designs and grass that looked like it belonged within an official PGA putting greens, driveways filled with vintage and sports cars that were at least half a million dollars in value each. This was the one percent within the one percent. I grew jealous over seeing the community, wondering why would anyone need this much, and what it would take to even make it this far. I needed to stay calm, because I wasn't there to oogle over sights, I was there for work. And what I ended up having to do was humiliating from the standpoint of the environment I was in. 

When I arrived to my designated post, I was provided with a shovel and a broom. They had just finished putting in a new fauntain in the center of this community, as well as planted new trees in the area. They wanted me to clean the streets and the finished construction area and clean it of debris and all the plastic lying around. Never in my life did I think I would become a literal street sweeper. And I couldn't complain about it either. I just sighed and got to work, sweeping asphalt of the pristine streets, moving and lifting heavy fences off of the working areas, and raking and shoveling plastic off the dirt and mud. The sun was hot, I was getting sunburned, and my muscles ached. I may have [i] "been" [/i] in paradise, but I definitely wasn't living it.

Was I was cleaning up the debris off the streets, there was this one lady walking her dog. As she got closer, I just smiled and said "good morning". I kid you not, this lady jumped as if she saw a ghost, shocked and surprised, and her first and only reply was:

[i] "OhMyGodYouSpeakEnglish!!" [/i]

My smile disappeared, and replaced with confusion and sadness. I may be Spanish, but I never thought in my life, especially in today's day and age, that I would be stereotyped in that way. As she walked around me avoiding any additional confrontation, I just looked around and examined my working environment. All the workers there were Spanish who didn't speak English. I don't know what their situations were like, but the way it currently was, I was officially one of them. Just seen as "peasants" in the eyes of the rich individuals who only converse amongst themselves, criticizing us and labeling us as if we were nothing. They probably thought I was an illegal immigrant too, just there to work dead-end jobs to not be noticed or seen. I looked down in my attire, and I was covered in dust from the dirt, hands filled with calluses from working with the equipment I had. Compared to my previous standing and position, I was at an all time low. I have desires to overcome the challenges and have true redemption for myself and to make up relationships with others, but I kept on having this dreadful feeling that it would be impossible. That I would forever be stuck with labels, never really make it in life, and never have people care for me again. And that was a life not worth living. 

As I continued sweeping up the streets, one of the mansion owners came out to me. He called out for my attention, then started pointing to some debris that was in front of his driveway, making sweeping motions with his hands and an expression that definitely said to hurry up. A privileged asshole who wanted his needs to take priority over everything else, and also thought I had no understanding of English either. I just looked at him, fed up, and replied

"Sir, I am the only one cleaning the streets right now. Your property is next, just wait"

He just looked at me, not mad or insulted, but actually with intrigue. "That's different. Normally you guys don't speak English"

I was insulted, but tried to keep composure. "Sir, I'm not these [i] guys [/i]. I'm just here due to circumstances."

"Well at least your now living the American dream" he said with a smirk and a laugh

My face was stern at this point. I was tired of being disrespected by these guys, and I couldn't say anything to really insult them. doing so would cost me whatever work I had. But I also couldn't let him get away with it. My frustration boiled up, and I replied "Do you really think its my dream to be a street sweeper making minimum wage and having nothing to my name?" I stated firmly. Though I was actually getting paid more, I kind of had to put him in a place of having some kind of remorse and to maybe think about being more empathetic to people he considered to be "lowlife". I then pointed to his house, trying to make the point more apparent. "That's the dream right there, not whatever this is here"

He just smiled, like he knew he got under my skin, but also replied with a response I was not expecting. "Do you want to know how [i] I [/i] made it?"

Whatever frustration I had left me and I was now filled with curiosity. I humbly replied yes, and asked what his secret was. He asked me to wait as he went back to his mansion, and I decided to start working on his property as a way to say thank you and sorry for the outburst, given if he was actually going to give me something beneficial. When he came back out, he gave me a book and said to read it. It was titled "Success 4 Us". He had said he would be a fool if he told me his secrets to his monetary success, but that I would be better off making my own secrets instead. I thanked him for his generosity as he went into his golf kart, then before he left he returned to his assholish remarks. "Oh, I want that done before I get back. Or I will report you and you'll be sorry" he said with a smile and a laugh. Boy, did I want to punch him so bad, but at least he gave me something which I was not anticipating at all. I just put the book away into my car and went back to work, trying to put that behind me.

After a long day and being tired as can be be, I climbed in my car as if I was beaten up. I was sore all over, dirty, and dusty. I was too tired to think and was starving beyond repair. I looked at the book the guy gave me, and noticed something coming out of it. I opened the book to see, and a 50 dollar bill came out of it with a note. [i] Make sure you eat something good, and remember to read this book [/i]. I just sighed, and was grateful. As much as a douchebag as he was, he made efforts in other ways to be a nice person, in some weird way. Then I looked down at the page the money came out of, and a part of it was highlighted. This what he had highlighted:

"Perhaps the biggest break anyone could ever receive is to decide exactly what it is he or she wanted and then become obsessed with obtaining it."

I know what this was hinting at. Its the theory of the universal law of attraction, in a way. Think it, want it, do it. I closed the book, thinking about what I am doing and how its making me feel. This is not what I want, but what I feel as if I deserve. Its hard to break out of a certain mentality, especially when you feel your life is breaking apart around you. I have alot I need to really discover about myself, and even more which I have to deal with. I'm lost and I really don't know how yet. But I do know what I want. I want redemption, to be freed by my guilt, and to make amends to everyone who had lost faith in me that I had really loved and cared about. I want that more than anything in the world right now. I have a long way to go, and I am not sure when its going to happen. If I had to be humiliated by this for now, then so be it. I just pray that this is not the rest of my life as I know it. I went back home, put my newly obtained book by my nightstand, and crashed. I was too tired to do anything else, and all I needed was to rest. Just rest. It was going to be a new day soon, and I had alot I needed to do.