Heat flared into Charlie’s face as Luke snapped at her, eyes narrowing. Neither of them were truly in the right place to have this conversation but it seemed like it was going to happen anyway. “You don’t seem very sorry,” she bit back accusatorially, shifting her weight to her hip. “Matter of fact, I don’t think you’ve been sorry for half of the shit you should be.” She could remember how raw his voice had been when he’d allow the endearment to escape and it was the exact opposite of the way he’d now used term of affection now.

Why did they always fight? She could barely control her emotions as it was, oscillating from depression and anxiety to sheer panic and fear and immediately into anger over the span of just a few minutes. Charlie chewed on the inside of her cheek as she watched Luke get up and all but stalk to his bag, wincing slightly at his pointed movements. 

Obviously it was for her. It had her fucking name on it. And separate envelopes? Surely there weren’t many things he couldn’t have said to both of them… Her eyes widened when he started speaking again, as if realizing that the contents were probably things that should have never been said. “Luke, I didn’t mean to pr—“ He charged through her words, flipping the picture towards her.

[I]A mixture of sunscreen, lake water, and sweat laid on every bare inch of Charlie, a layer that she would need to scrub away at for the next two days. “Don’t touch me, I’m disgusting,” she told Sam as he approached her, coaxing her ponytail through the baseball cap he’d given her.

“That’s never stopped me before,” he replied, his eyes flashing with laughter. “I’m going to get another beer, do you want one?”

Her nose scrunched. “A White Claw?”

“Same thing,” Sam replied with a wave of his hand, giving her a quick kiss before sauntering towards the area they’d set up with beach towels, an umbrella, and coolers. “Luke?”

She turned to the other man, a late minute addition to the trip but not an unwelcome one. Her gaze drifted over him, lingering on places she absolutely shouldn’t have when her husband was walking away. Had he heard Sam? Charlie walked towards the older brother, tilting her head in question. “Beer?”

Luke’s arm came to her shoulders, pulling her towards him and crushing her. “Get off me. You feel like you rolled around in lake algae,” she said with a laugh as she tried to push him away, knowing that if she’d touched Sam he would have felt the same way. “I just wanted to see if you wanted another drink. Well, he did but —“ When she looked up, she saw her husband with a phone in his hand and aimed at them.

“Memories, you know?” He said with a shrug. She didn’t notice how his shoulders slumped or the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes anymore.[/I]

Sam had always been sentimental, hell-bent on capturing even small pieces of their lives whenever he could. It was heightened with Luke, given that every time he went on tour there was no guarantee he’d be seen again. Charlie knew Sam had some regrets about not being with his parents for the last few years of their lives, so she tried not to complain about the sheer volume of stored pictures on his phone. She’d never seen this one, though. Sam must have given it to Luke, evidently without her knowledge. Her eyes softened as her fingers drifted over their faces as the letter was read.

[I]I fell in love with you years ago.[/I] No. Nonono. She couldn’t look up, her eyes frozen on the photo she still held. [I]You were always so good at that, like you were with me.[/I]

In what fucking world was he doing this [I]now[/I]? She’d just lost her husband - his brother, for Christ’s sake - and now he was trying to hand her the letter that would have destroyed her if she’d opened the mailbox to find it.

[I]Tell him that you need him. Say that you think about it too. Beg him to stay.[/I]

“Don’t do this to me.” Charlie tried to wet her lips, as if that would make the words come easily. Finally, she looked up and held out the picture. “He didn’t tell me he had this printed, or that he gave it to you.” He knew. He always fucking knew. Besides that, she couldn’t count how many times she’d wanted the courage to come clean with Luke; to clear the air and hopefully the tension, but after that night she’d charged out looking for the goat, she knew speaking it out loud would worsen whatever it was.  “Don’t tell me you love me when he’s barely cold in the ground. Don’t come in here and tell me we aren’t horrible people for betraying him.”

[I]Don’t tell me you love me[/I].

Her gaze lingered on the top of the scar he’d exposed earlier, peeking just outside the confines of his shirt. “Is that why you kept going back? Because you couldn’t stand to be around me?” Maybe if he hadn’t been touring, he would have been here. He could have saved Sam, because she sure has fuck hadn’t. Charlie's wedding band seemed to burn on her finger as she met Luke's eyes. “You always said you hated the idea of being tied down here... and now is that what you're asking to do? To stay with me?"