Sleep had been a stranger since Sam died.  Charlie had refused the Ambien and alprazolam that her primary care doctor had tried to give her. Every now and then she’d take something over the counter, melatonin or Benadryl, but she couldn’t while Luke was in the house… or anyone, for that matter. 

Although that was very likely the time she needed to do exactly that. It seemed like she woke up every 15 minutes, fighting the urge to walk around the property to make sure Luke hadn’t went out on his own like Sam had. Jake’s ears would perk each time, though he remained at the foot of the bed. Charlie attempted to take some comfort in that. 

So it wasn’t a surprise when she felt Jake move slightly or hear the guest bedroom door creak early in the morning. Charlie tossed and turned for a few more minutes, not eager to get out of bed and face whatever shitshow of a day that she and Luke made it. It had been easy to forget how explosive they could be. She’d thought that maybe Sam’s death would have mellowed their interactions but it seemed to have just made them more tense.

[I]I fell in love with you years ago[/I].

She hated the way her stomach dropped when he’d said it. Like she’d been waiting for eons to hear the declaration, only to immediately try and worm her way out of the implications with self-righteousness. Maybe she shouldn’t have told him to stay here. She should have told him to go, start a real life and have a family with not his brother’s wife.

But she hadn’t. And she wouldn’t. Charlie sighed, staring up at the ceiling before finally leaving her bed. She grabbed her phone, clock showing 05:32, and ushered Jake out of the room. He barreled down the stairs and she followed, albeit slowly, until she came to the kitchen. She didn’t smell coffee and immediately panicked, hoping Luke hadn’t gone and started working on the farm already.

But there he was, asleep sitting upright. Shirtless.

A year ago, she would have ogled. Hell, even six months ago. Now, when her eyes moved over him, she tried to convince herself it was for no other reason than to make sure he didn’t have any injuries.

A small smile graced her lips as she moved around the kitchen, beginning to make the coffee she had been promised. She opened the door to the porch, letting in cold air and allowing Jake to run around for the first time of many that day. “Luke?” She tried to keep her voice soft as she approached him, careful not to be behind him or to reach out.

She’d done research a few years ago into the PTSD and maladjustment that soldiers experienced when reintegrating into society. She remembered not to make sudden movements, never come behind them, and stories of how many of them, upon waking from sleep, would act on their training without thought.

“Luke.” Charlie opened a cabinet, grabbing two mugs as gently as possible and filling them up with coffee. Her fingers reached out, skimming the tattooed skin of his arm. “You can go back to sleep, you know.”