[color=darkgray]

Calli looked around her. Last she checked she was in her dorm room catching herself up for the upcoming week of classes. Instead, she was in some void. It felt unending like an echo that didn't reverberate back. She was dreaming. She had to be. She wasn't back in the Trials. Blackjack got out, though they were worse for wear. She strode forward hoping to come to some exit or identify something so she could ground herself.

It was then she heard the distant footfalls of someone running. Someone making a desperate attempt to get to their goal quickly. Every time she had been here she had been alone with her thoughts, as scary as they were sometimes. No one else was supposed to be here.

The footsteps got closer. Calli started backing away, unsure if the entity was friend or foe, though she knew better than anyone how she was her worst enemy. 

The steps slowed down now though they could still be heard and were close. Calli glanced around. She spotted no one.

And then she was flung backward.

Calli landed with a resounding thud. She looked up and saw something forming. Materializing. It was a person. Gradually the form too shape and the entity began to clap. Slowly. Mockingly.

Their face showed with a smirk. The blonde hair fell behind them. A cold, calculating gaze of her own making. 

[color=F796A9][I]"Hiya sweetheart. Miss me?"[/i][/color]

Calli lay there, dumbfounded. It was her. Except this was not the simulation here, though the two were similar. She no longer wore her Foundation suit with the letter F in the middle. Instead, she was dressed in a dark blue shirt with black slacks. She walked forward, glaring down at Calli.

[color=F796A9]"You shouldn't be here..."[/color]

The figure tilted her head in a manner that spoke 'oh you just said something stupid'. [color=F796A9][I]"That's not very welcoming, is it? I consider you to be a sister. You had one before but, let's face it, they kind of dropped the ball on the whole sisterhood thing. No pun intended!"[/i][/color] She began to laugh at her own joke.

[color=F796A9][I]"Seems I'll have to explain. You know that whole voice you had in your head? The one that told you how much of a failure you are? The one who ensured you remembered where you came from and how all your hopes and dreams and desires were basically worthless? How no one liked you and you could never match up to people's expectations? Well, here it is, manifested for your enjoyment! You should count yourself lucky. Not many people get to see their inner voice in person and the ones that do are usually put up in a nice all-white room with a self-hugging jacket. You're not insane!"[/i][/color] The figure smiled, gesturing to the 'room' they were in.

[color=F796A9][I]"But when I am through with you, you'll wish you were."[/i][/color]

Calli stood up quickly and faced her reflection. The other her laughed again. [color=F796A9][I]"It is so cute you think you can do anything here. You can't hurt me Calliope. But I can hurt you. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Hell, I can probably trigger any part of you at a moment's notice. Let's start with the easy ones."[/i][/color]

Soon, the room warped and they were standing in Calli's therapist's office. Except instead of her therapist, the other Calli stood in a new outfit. She now had glasses on and was dressed in a smart red business-like suit. She sat at the desk and Calli felt herself fall back on to the chair she sat in before during many a session. She tried to get up but felt herself forced down, unable to move.

[color=F796A9][I]"Banjo. Andrew. Whatever the hell you call him, what's going on there? You literally left him to face his own demons alone. What you're presented with a choice to go alone or together and you choose alone? Some girlfriend. And you are so pushy? Have you once paused to consider maybe he doesn't want to get married or have children? You claim you want to move on from your family but you sure like acting exactly how they want."[/i][/color]

Calli desperately wanted to shout how wrong she was...but couldn't. She had been having those exact thoughts. Banjo got hurt. Gil got hurt. The rest of Blackjack was hurt beyond what she knew and she couldn't do anything about it. And how much pressure had she been putting on Banjo? Her own father screamed for perfection and for things to be exactly as 'they should be'. But what did that mean? Wasn't she just falling into the exact roles set up for her? Wasn't she expecting Banjo to follow suit with her? She was so focused on being her own person and being someone other than 'Banjo's girlfriend' that she went to the other extreme without care.

[color=F796A9][I]"It's a mess up in here. Not sure how you plan to manage it. Maybe it's better if you just...ended things."[/i][/color]

Calli looked up and before she could speak the room shifted again. This time she was on a table in what looked to be an operating room. The other Calli stood there in scrubs and a mask. Gloved hands ready to do....who knows what. Calli attempted to move but she was strapped in.She attempted to speak but couldn't. It was like she was under, prepped for surgery, but could sense everything.

[color=F796A9][I]"Don't worry. This isn't real surgery. But it will sure feel like it. Normally surgeons put you under but I thought...why? I want you to feel this. imagine how scared your team felt facing their own trials. Imagine how alone they were. Forced to be there seeing it all and being unable to stop it. That sounds like something. What's the word? Oh right..."

"Helpless."[/i][/color]

The other Calli turned her back and grabbed something before she turned back. [color=F796A9][I]"Precious Calli doesn't want to feel helpless and yet puts herself in situations where she can't be anything but. You [b]want[/b] to be saved. You [b]want[/b] to be helped. Princess Calli in her tower waiting for someone to climb up and whisk her away and she is more than willing to hurt anyone that stands in her way. Even her own Prnce Charming. Face it Calli.

You don't have a leg to stand on!"[/i][/color]

The other Calli raised her arms, brandishing a large blade before slamming it down on her leg. The same one she lost in the simulation. As it cut through, Calli felt force. Pain. Burning.

And then she woke up.

[hr]

Calli sat up in bed, gasping for air. She pulled the covers off and felt her leg. It was still there. 

Still there.

After the Trials walking took some time. The simulation messed her up so much she truly believed she lost her leg. She had to engage in some physical therapy to help her mind come back from the trauma. And even then, it lingered. She felt tingling often. The healer said it was normal and wouldn't last long, but that didn't make it easy.

She glanced over and saw her roommate was still sound asleep. Calli rubbed her eyes, feeling the sweat that formed on her forehead. She took a few more deep breaths.

That inner voice was ever present and now it got stronger. And its words rang true. She failed. She failed her team. She failed Banjo. She failed herself. 

She curled her legs up so her knees met her chin and she laid her head down, knowing she wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Or perhaps too scared to. Either way, she had to get ready soon. Classes started and she needed to put the work in.

But what did it matter? How could she possibly be strong enough to face adversity without losing it like she did?

She felt a headache coming on. Could she really do this?

[CENTER][COLOR=F796A9][sup]________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________[/sup][/COLOR][/CENTER][center][img]https://i.imgur.com/hiNfTeT.jpeg[/img]
[/center][indent][sub][COLOR=F796A9][B]Location:[/B][/COLOR] [I]Southern Plateau, Dundas Island[/I] - [I]Pacific Royal Campus[/I][/sub][sup][right][COLOR=F796A9][b]Welcome Home #3.010:[/b][/COLOR] [I]Deep Breathing[/I][/right][/sup][/indent][COLOR=F796A9][SUP][sub]____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________[/sub][/SUP][/COLOR][indent][sub][color=F796A9][B]Interaction(s):[/B][/COLOR][I] Banjo ([@Hound55]), Gil ([@Roman]) [/I][/sub][SUP][RIGHT][COLOR=F796A9][b]Previously:[/b][/COLOR] [COLOR=GRAY][I]With Family Like This[/I][/color][/right][/SUP][/indent]

[indent][COLOR=silver][sup][b]| Two Days Ago[/b][/sup][/COLOR][/indent]

[color=white]"So what brings you in today Calliope?"[/color] Dr. Trinh asked from her chair. Calliope was tentative taking a step in and she knew Dr. Trinh saw that. She probably made a mental note to add to her file. Ever since her 'nightmare' Calliope had not been herself. She was walking around like she was just a husk. People noticed. She saw them notice.

Calliope kept her hands in her lap, letting her fingers rub over her knuckles to the point of pain. [color=F796A9]"Isn't it obvious?"[/color] she said with venom-laced punctuation. She chastised herself. It wasn't Dr. Trinh's fault and she was here to help.

Still, Dr. Trinh smiled warmly. [color=white]"I heard about the Trials. For whatever it is worth I am truly sorry you and your team went through that. I cannot possibly imagine what you went through."[/color] The words were nice, but even then Calli's hand gripped the knee of the leg she 'lost' in the simulation, almost like her brain was trying to remember if it was there or not.

[color=white]"What you all went through is incredibly traumatic and no one is expecting any of you to bounce back from it quickly."[/color]

Calliope scoffed. [color=F796A9]"Sure doesn't feel like it. I already need to jump back into classes. And they still expect us to spar and train. I don't...I don't know if I am ready."[/color]

Dr. Trinh nodded. [color=white]"No, I don't expect you are. Nor do I think any of your team members are also. That's the thing about trauma: it doesn't care if you are ready or not. Life moves on regardless and we along with it."[/color]

Calli looked up. [color=F797A9]"So...what? I'm expected to forget it happened and carry on like nothing happened?"[/color]

[color=white]"No, of course not. It would help if you had time to heal and there is no shame in admitting it. My point is that others who do not know what happened will continue to try to push you all forward. I expect the school would like nothing more than to sweep the entire thing under the rug but that is hard to do with large-scale threats. This is going to require more than deep breathing and mindfulness. Trauma can impact multiple parts of you. Physically. Emotionally. Socially."

"Speaking of....how is Andrew?"[/color]

[hr]

[indent][COLOR=silver][sup][b]| Three Days Ago[/b][/sup][/COLOR][/indent]

Calliope had knocked on the door to Gil’s hospital room and felt stupid after. She opened the door and peered her head in. 
[color=F796A9]“Gil? Are you up for a visit?”[/color]
Given the nature of what they had dealt with during the Trials, Calli wanted to be sure Gil’s wishes were respected.

Gil stirred restlessly, turning over in his bed and staring at the door and the head peeking around it longer than he should have without reply. 
[color=FCE205]“Do what you want.”[/color] He finally said, morose and apathetic but secretly glad for the distraction and the break to monotony. 

Calliope winced. This was not Gil as before but Gil as he is now and, from the sounds of it, it was bad. She moved inside and came around to his bed. He looked….for lack of a better word….powerless. It saddened her greatly that whatever had occurred inside the Trials had twisted him so much so that he no longer was the happy guy she knew before. Granted, was he really like that or was it his actor mask hiding how he really was?

[color=F796A9]”Hey, obvious question so feel free to answer obviously in kind but, how are you feeling?”[/color]
Gil let the question sit while looking pointedly from Calliope, to his casted leg, to the gauze about his person, and back to Calliope.
[color=FCE205]”Shit. You?”[/color] He finally offered, making his best effort at remaining cordial while conscious he was coming up distinctly short.
[color=F796A9]”Shit.”[/color] she said in agreement before she pulled up a chair and sat down. [color=F796A9]”I won’t stay long if you don’t want but I wanted to check on you. I am…so sorry Gil. I cannot imagine what you went through.”[/color] She took some deep breaths to calm herself lest her emotions get the better of her. After all, she was walking around while he remained bedridden for who knows how long? [color=F796A9]”This whole ordeal was just….I just can’t….it’s my fault.”[/color] 

Gil raised an eyebrow and shifted uncomfortably, disarmed by the uncharacteristic display of emotion from the normally guarded and aloof Calliope. 
[color=FCE205]”I just…had some perspective applied.”[/color] He said, his voice attempting to sound blasé but shaking as memories he’d been failing to repress surfaced once again. He nearly scowled at Calliope’s guilty confession, though, and when he spoke again there was a tone approaching parental scolding in his answer. [color=FCE205]” It’s no one’s fault but whoever set up the sabotage. Don’t do yourself a disservice. Or anyone else, for that matter. Last thing we need now is a martyr.”[/color]

Calliope moved her hands on her lap, one covering the other, as she felt a small tremor coming. [color=F796A9]”No, I know it’s whoever sabotaged the Trial’s fault for us being stuck in there. But we never should have separated. It was exactly what they wanted. And because we did you got hurt. Banjo got hurt.”[/color] She let it fall that she also got hurt, but her injuries were mild in comparison. She gripped her leg, thankful it was still there. [color=F796A9]”Point is, I am still sorry. When we were together we figured out what to do but as soon as we were separated things fell apart. The things I saw and heard. The things I continue to see when I close my eyes and listen to my thoughts.”[/color] Calli quickly realized how depressing she was acting. Gil deserved better. [color=F796A9]”Are they taking care of you in here? Need me to sneak you in something?”[/color] She attempted to keep it light, but even then the light in her eyes had long since evaporated. That inner voice attempting to come back in.

[color=FCE205]”Look,”[/color] he started, adopting a softer tone, though he wasn’t sure what Calliope wanted here; absolution? Forgiveness? Gil was in no position nor mood to grant either. At the very least, he could allow an exorcism of misplaced emotion, but he didn’t want to encourage the perception of his bed-ridden body being Blackjack’s stand-in for a confession booth. He was sure that whatever everyone else had endured within the sabotaged trial was as deeply distressing as his own experience, but he was hardly capable of shouldering his own scars, let alone the rest of the team’s. 
[color=FCE205]”Whatever they wanted to do to us - whatever they [i]did[/i] do to us - was going to happen regardless of our own choices.”[/color] He sighed, sitting forward and rubbing his eyes as he placed a bandaged hand over Calliope’s own. [color=FCE205]”They had the run of it, simple as that. Nothing we could have done.”[/color] 

They held eyes for a long handful of seconds, and Gil almost saw himself reflected in Calliope’s face; a well-constructed wall slowly crumbling, leaving the builder unsure what was even behind it. He sat back, turning his face away. [color=FCE205]”They’re treating me fine. Narcotics on demand. Not allowed a drink yet but only a few days until they let me out, I think. So I’ll take a raincheck on a beer or ten.”[/color]

Calliope nearly wept as Gil comforted her. She also chuckled. [color=F796A9]”Heh, you’re the one in the hospital. I’m supposed to be cheering you up.”[/color] Still, Gil’s words were true. She knew it. It still didn’t unleash the guilt she felt and might feel going forward. They may not have been able to stop what happened, but she would be damned if they continued. Someone set them up. She was sure the Foundation was partly responsible, she just didn’t know how yet. [color=F796A9]”Well when you get out and are able to, drinks are on me.”[/color] She let a moment linger. She didn’t want to continue to unload on him. He had enough trouble. [color=F796A9]”If you need anything Gil, even after you get out of here, let me know. Someone’s going to have to step up to take care of you lot.”[/color]

[color=FCE205]”It sounds like you need to take care of yourself, first, Calliope.”[/color] Gil replied, an urbane tone masking genuine concern. [color=FCE205]”Or maybe let that glib Aussie of yours take care of you. One of the two.”[/color]

At the mention of Banjo Calliope’s face fell, though she did her best to hide it. That was another matter she would have to address. Banjo was hurt and would be for his life. Despite him acting nonchalant about it all she couldn’t help but notice the energy shift while she sat with him in his own hospital room. The things left unsaid spoke more than actual words. [color=F796A9]”He’s done a fine job so far. I’ll be fine.”[/color] The words were pretty but the meaning behind them left very little to the imagination. And whatever was going on, she didn’t need to pester Gil with it.
Gil felt the energy change - the chill in the air and Calliope’s crestfallen expression said everything her words didn’t.
[color=FCE205]”Hm. I suppose you know what’s best.”[/color] He answered, and left the matter there.

Silence hung for what seemed like hours, though it was only a few moments. [color=F796A9]”Well, I don’t want to take up too much more of your time. I meant what I said though, please let me know if you need anything. Helping others helps ourselves. My therapist told me that and, while I didn’t believe her at first, I am slowly starting to.”[/color]

Gil let the words pass without comment; he had little interest in talking of therapy and healing. Instead, he smiled warmly in a practiced expression, though it did not meet the eyes, as Calliope stood, and the expression fell as soon as she stepped out.

[hr]

Calliope sat in the cold chair in the hospital waiting room. She had just finished visiting Gil and it left her feeling numb. Gil had been a presence she enjoyed before but it was like emotions were sapped in that room. She could hardly blame him. Whatever had transpired in the Trials had impacted Gil so heavily it altered the man before.

The same could be said with Banjo.

Gil had brought him up and she recalled the last time she went to see him. As he sat in his own room ready to be checked out and continue with physical therapy and monitoring she could feel something different. It was hard to put it into words but she could tell something had shifted between the two of them. It wasn't that she didn't love him and want to be with him. But she could see every mistake she made concerning him before her. And surely he could with her. They held hands, him rubbing his thumb over hers. He would crack jokes, make the hospital staff miserable every time he tried to get up to leave and she all but forced him to stay in bed. She knew he was feeling hurt, physically and mentally. She couldn't take his pain away and wasn't that one of her responsibilities? Not to shoulder it all, but to alleviate some of the weight?

Once he was done for that day she kissed him and left. As she exited and found herself in the hospital lobby, she finally let it out. She put her face in her hands and wept. It felt oddly comforting to finally unleash the beast that had been held back. Some of the others in the lobby came up to her to express condolences, thinking she lost someone close to her.

How could she tell them that the person lost was herself?

[hr]

[indent][COLOR=silver][sup][b]| Two Days Ago[/b][/sup][/COLOR][/indent]

[color=F796A9]"He's healing. He'll forever have that limp, but he's cracking jokes and being a general nuisance."[/color]

Dr. Trinh nodded. [color=white]"You both went through something and I am sure it brought you both closer together. However, shared trauma has a way of showcasing the points we try to hide from others. I encourage you to share them with him. It will be hard, I won't lie. And I know your history of opening yourself up has not gone well, but from what you tell me, I think he would understand."[/color]

Calliope thought it. Dr. Trinh had a point. And maybe in the future, she'll listen. But not now. She needed to heal first. And make some hard choices.

The session quickly wrapped up after that. Calliope stood up and looked around the room. What was once a safe space had been marred. She left quickly.

As she did so her mind raced back to someone she hadn't spoken to much. She had wanted to see her also but couldn't for whatever reason. Calliope couldn't help but wonder. Was she involved in all of this somehow?

She let it percolate for a bit before she tossed the thought aside. She needed to get ready. Classes would be starting up soon.

[/color]