[h2]Esme[/h2]
As Esme stood there with the group, her mind began to numb from all her emotions hitting her at once. Anger, fear, and slight helplessness were the strongest. She couldn’t lose Duke, not now. Not after finally having him back. She planned to do everything possible to find Duke and have him back at her side. She wasn’t leaving this farm until she found Duke there or knew where he was taken. Esme swore this to herself. At Dean’s second outburst, she was pulled from her numb mind, knowing precisely who he was speaking of when he said they needed to find him. He was referring to Duke. Then came his comment about Cason. She winced, knowing that wouldn’t sit well with Natalia. And just like clockwork, Natalia yelled at Dean, defending Cason. Then Mika spoke up, echoing her thoughts about this not being the time for arguments. Esme stood there, only able to listen since it was hard to get a word in edgewise. Plus, she felt this was slightly more between them and not her. Esme was close to walking away from the squabble about Cason when Sam asked what the plan was, causing her to sigh silently.  

Esme nodded to Sam’s words even though he was talking to Dean. That was the most logical thing for them to do so that things didn’t end up even worse for them. Then Natalia spoke up again. She knew Dean wouldn’t go for that, but Mika chimed in before he could say much. When Sam asked about the barn, she shook her head and mumbled no. Esme had no arguments about going inside the barn. The way she saw it, it was the only option they had. She turned her head to look at the barn, taking in how the light from inside was shining through the holes in the roof and how they hadn’t been heard by anyone with how loud the group had been. She turned her head back as Dean spoke, nodding in agreement to regrouping. She felt she needed more than what she currently had with her. Then Dean turned overprotective brother as he talked to Natalia, which ended with him looking at her with a fearful and knowing look, causing her breath to catch slightly. She understood the look. Her look back echoed the same. She was worried they’d find him dead in the barn.

As Dean stepped away from the other and walked over to her, Esme pulled her staff from the ground. His worried sigh caused her to tense up before she looked at him as he spoke. His words stung, and she gripped her staff until her knuckles turned white. How could he ask her to prepare herself for what they might find? No one could prepare themselves for finding a half-dead or dead loved one somewhere. She softly nodded as he brought up how they both knew how Duke was. Yes, she knew full well how he was. Esme then placed a hand on Dean’s arm out of habit. “I can’t promise you I can prepare myself for this. I don’t know how, but I’m not going to lie. I’m terrified about what we might see in that barn.” she told him. Esme closed her eyes tightly and sighed heavily before continuing. “If we find him……..” she couldn’t bring herself to say the word. “I know I’m not going to be able to handle it. I will lose it.” she said, looking up at him. “I’m not as strong mentally as you always thought I was. I don’t handle loss well.” 

As they walked back to the cars, she kept her hand on his arm in an attempt to keep them both somewhat grounded like she used to. Whatever they found in that barn, at least they wouldn’t be seeing it alone. A knot formed in Esme’s throat as she walked alongside Dean towards the cars, Duke’s well-being and Dean’s mental state heavy on her mind. When Dean repeated himself, she gently squeezed his arm. “Dean, we’re going to find them, and then we’re all going to get the hell out of here.” They were going to find them. When Duke’s truck came into view, the knot in her throat grew bigger, causing her to stop in her tracks and turn away from the truck. Esme dropped her head and closed her eyes tightly. She breathed deeply to control the tears that stung her eyes and threatened to show themselves. “Come on, Esme. Keep it together.” she breathed. “You have to stay strong.”