[center][img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/231021/c8de3d4938a7934e3807d1d1d63ce88c.png[/img] & [h3][color=C0392B]Rudolf Sagramore[/color][/h3] [/center][hr] [url=https://youtu.be/xSnWemksaEs?si=aD3f0upzgEZjGrsO]The sea.[/url] As a young man squired under the ruling lord of the Lunaris fiefdom and associated holdings, he’d seen it from well ashore, once or twice. Never much closer than port. Never for particularly long. His heritage, almost as a rule, had always placed him very well inland— first in the lowland holdings of the Shilage household, picturesque plains and valleys nestled between the Midgari mountains and the dense Chocobo Forest. Later, Sagramore village, down by the interior badlands just a stone’s throw from the center of the country, where mighty rivers had carved their share of canyons, like scars through the earth. Streams and lakes were familiar enough. Contained, comprehensible, approachable, even those more than large enough to comfortably house an island in their center. This… The rhythmic swell filled his ears, as did the breeze, as did the seabirds resting on high, just a bit beyond reach. The creaking of the [i]Scurvy Fishman[/i] had at first given him pause, but they’d been aboard and at sea for a little over a day. He’d let it fade into the background orchestra by now, setting a time to follow for the waltz that was earning one’s sea legs. His gilded eyes drank the waves below, cast out over the distance in patterns of crest and trough. The skies overhead were clear, and the breeze that tousled his white locks was carrying their ship at an easy pace westward, towards Costa del Sol. The blue he seemed lost within, truly, stretched for miles on end. Perhaps its depths were, in reality… [i][color=c0392b]Endless.[/color][/i] He had perched up here on the mizzen mast, after a brief negotiation with the good Captain Bikke that ended up something to the tune of “Off the main, off the rigging, don’t get in the way of me crew”. Each demand fair enough, and fine by Rudolf’s measure. Things were cramped as it was below, especially in their “bunks” near the hold. Loud, too. The White Mage aboard, Neve, was evidently a former member of Kirin— and her reunion with the original core of the team had all involved abuzz with activity, to say the least. It wasn’t as though he begrudged them for their excitement to talk to a formerly-missing friend, just… He had plenty of things to sort through in his own right. Liked having his space, liked having his thoughts. Didn’t want to bring the party down, either. The crew had already well confirmed his suspicions regarding the dreadful cloak that had enveloped him in the past week. So here he’d stayed, surviving swords close at hand, and mind adrift in the expanse. The events that had transpired in Osprey had given him a lot to ponder… least of all that his days in this party were sure to be numbered. The cracks in his facade were beginning to make themselves apparent— And none of what lied beneath, knowing what he now knew, showed any promise. Much like this ship, he was soon to be unmoored, carried by naught but the wind. This quest was all he had. Even if that were to come to pass, he honestly doubted he’d stop being pushed forward, by the desperate need for it, burning in his gut against the enormity of the war the ten of them were fighting— But time and again, taking matters into [i]his own hands[/i] had burned him. If the worst fears he held were manifest, he knew he wouldn’t stave off the inevitable. There was a laugh. A sweet, genuine laugh that had come from below and had gotten closer. A strong gust of wind blew from the same direction carrying its source. [color=B2FFC4]“The Captain said I would be able to find you here.”[/color] Ciradyl said cheerfully as she adjusted the wind to move her close enough to climb onto the mast to join him. Her dress was a rugged but elegant design with travel on the high seas in mind. Its color was a rich blue with leather accents. The fact she had been able to bounce back from her despair was thanks in no small part to the members of Team Kirin. Rudolf had been the first to reach out to her just when she hit that rock bottom. The cold beauty had gone quite warm since they boarded the ship, leaving her troubles behind in Osprey. No doubt her actions would continue to haunt her but with so many supporting her it was irresponsible to sulk longer than needed. He’d heard her approach, something unreadable flashing across his youthful features before settling behind a wry smirk. She’d seemed in higher spirits, ever since getting folded in with the rest of them properly. [color=B2FFC4]”I did not take you as a lover of the sea.”[/color] She flashed him a warm yet knowing smile, briefly closing her eyes before staring out at the wide blue waters that surrounded them. What dark thoughts troubled him at this moment that led him to distance himself? A lightness had returned to her step after she had laid her secrets to bare and she felt able to face the future. Was it naive to hope that the same freedom could be granted to her friend? There was no way she would let him continue like this alone when she understood some of those feelings he kept from others. She wouldn’t pretend the dark entity within him didn't frighten her, but it was the essence of bravery to face that fear. [color=c0392b]”You’re a brave one. You should hear the rest of the crew liken me to an ill omen. They say being around me feels like tasting copper on the air, winds stilling on a warm day, or watching the tide pull out past the sandbar.”[/color] Honestly, he wasn’t terribly sure what to expect from her. Not only was the breezy, melodic laughter and airiness in her step a far cry from all the previous times he’d been [i]sought out[/i] by anyone from Kirin, each severe enough to damn near give him a heart attack, but he also… He studied her for a moment, as she turned her spearmint gaze to the azure he’d lost himself within. Having balked under the microscope himself, he nonetheless found himself trying to pry behind what she was showing. Satisfy a curiosity that her whole bearing now couldn’t help but raise— He had only known her as the woman she’d made herself into, to return her nation’s lord to its seat. She had, as they both knew, cast off every part of herself that couldn’t work for that goal. [color=c0392b][i]Once people achieve grand purposes their whole life wheels around… what’s left? What am I looking at, growing out of the remainder? Is she still a drawn sword, already finding her next fight? Or… something else entirely?[/i][/color] The moment passed, and he turned his head back outward, leaning forward as his elbows rested upon his knees. [color=c0392b]”Honestly, I don’t really know much about maritime stuff. I’m from pretty well inland, far as Edren’s concerned— this is my first time on a ship like this— but I know [i]two[/i] of those sound like an oncoming storm.”[/color] He shrugged, a puff of air escaping his nostrils. Time to get down to it, then— even playing this as cavalier as he was was a rare privilege these days. One he knew he wasn’t getting away with forever. [color=c0392b]”So I bargained my way up here. Keeps me out of the crew’s business, and I get a good view of how damned [i]big[/i] the ocean really is. And now you’re here too, chancing the thunderhead— To what do I owe the honor?”[/color] Ciradyl leaned back supporting her balance with her hands behind her supporting her weight. There was a slight tilt of her head as she looked up into the sky. [color=B2FFC4]”I suppose my reason is similar, but different.”[/color] There was a faint sigh [color=B2FFC4]”The only time I have been on a ship was when I was younger so I do not recall the experience. As for the crew, well, I did not realize I still had such ardent fans.”[/color] A raised eyebrow. [color=c0392b]”Batting them away with a stick, huh? Must be a pain.”[/color] While true, it had been nothing more than an excuse to make her way up here. It had felt like after the meeting Rudolf had been avoiding her. The images of what happened in the desert filtered through her mind. [color=B2FFC4]”You are not an ill omen, Rudolf. I do not consider you one, at least. Whatever is going with this dark force that has gripped you, I thought that this mere bard could be of assistance.”[/color] She looked over at him [color=B2FFC4]”I did not have the chance before but I wanted to thank you.”[/color] He couldn’t meet her gaze. [color=c0392b]”…Maybe. I’m not so sure.”[/color] Perhaps it had been a coincidence, that night in the manse. Perhaps he was reading too much into the timing of things, knowing that it was supposed to be his luck tapped in exchange for power— ostensibly, nobody else’s. It was the driving force behind his best defenses against Eve, against Galahad, when they came with their concerns. That was how it was supposed to work. But he couldn’t shake the feeling. Couldn’t shake the fear, logically founded or not, that Mizutani opening her wretched mouth and his passenger waking back up happened at the same time for a [i]reason[/i]. That he’d felt something [i]break[/i]. All he could count on was the Devil’s own word that he [i]shouldn’t[/i] have been the cause… But even then, who was to say his luck existed in a vacuum? He scratched the back of his head, pale hair tossed over his eyes by the wind. [color=c0392b]”And I appreciate it, but you don’t need to put yourself out for me. No obligation to. I… was just caught up in the moment back then. I let the blood rush to my head and spoke without thinking. It was more selfish than it sounded. If we wanna talk thanks, I still haven’t properly thanked you for piggybacking off the mailing channels, so…”[/color] A gesture with an upturned palm in her direction, as if handing something over. Usually concealed behind gloves or gauntlets, today his hands were bare, revealing a web of faint scarring from the years gone by. [color=c0392b]”We could call it even there. Else I’d wager I still owe you one.”[/color] There had been a black-scaled dragon that loomed over her, looking down with neither pity or guilt as it opened its wide maw. All she could do was watch as the dark embers in the back of its throat danced their way forward. It had been waiting precisely for this moment when she could offer no resistance and she had doubted any could save her in time. A dark figure, gripped by shadows, had stood in front of her as the dark breath rushed towards her. The heat from these black flames marred the edges of her clothing but did not burn her. This was how she viewed his actions that night in Mizutani’s chamber. A cursed hero for the forsaken maiden. She nearly snapped as he tried to cast her intentions casually aside under the guise of humility. While not the same, it was thanks to years of dealing with Valheim officials that she kept this anger in check. Ciradly was not about to chastise him for something he didn’t know or understand. It nearly caught her off-guard when he switched their positions and tried to thank her instead. The letters he had been sending out hadn’t really crossed her mind all that much but it seemed to be quite important to him. [color=B2FFC4]”I would not mind having you in my debt a little but I suppose there is nothing to be done.”[/color] A faint grin crossed her lips as she took the scarred hand with hers, though her grip would be no match for his she squeezed hard as she could muster. [color=B2FFC4]”Rudolf. If you are selfish it does not mean you cannot be kind as well. I do not wish to see you swallowed up in darkness and left alone. That is a selfish wish of mine. Now. Would you be so kind as to grant it?”[/color] [color=c0392b]“!?”[/color] Woah woah woah[i] woah woah—[/i] [i]Aww. Ain’t that sweet.[/i] Close! Super close! Instinctively, his hand tensed and jerked back, the impulse to shy away from sudden contact and proximity undeniable— but her grip held firm, trapping him in place to weather the assault. He could feel the fire behind her minty eyes, burning through his defense mechanisms— he was surely more than strong enough to break free though, right? It’d just be a simple matter of wrenching his arm towards the line of her thumb, the weakest of the five digits on the hand, and slipping away— [color=c0392b]”[i]…Fine[/i], at your own peril. I did just say I owe you. I’ll hear you out, but…”[/color] [color=B2FFC4]”Yes?”[/color] A hint of danger coated the word. Even as the fight slipped through his grasp, like so many things in life, he found himself poised to run. He shrank away, even though the Faye had him locked in place. An odd circumstance, befitting this odd, unlikely pair. Seriously, what do you even do with this? It was suddenly little wonder how a mere songstress had amassed such an expansive web of contacts, and charmed a hostile, invasive nation. That was who he was dealing with. He couldn’t forget it again. [color=c0392b]”Look, at least hear me when I’m warning you— I’m not a safe person to be throwing in with at the minute, alright? You gotta look out for yourself, too.”[/color] he said, bitter edge coloring his voice. There was no part of this conversation he was particularly [i]enjoying[/i] having, clearly, be each word revelatory or cloistering. [color=c0392b]”This all stems from a choice I made, so I gotta carry that. It’s already affecting things past just [i]me[/i].”[/color] She deserved to know, didn’t she? What he feared might happen again. What was a good reason to keep clear. It’d certainly reinforce his argument against this thing she seemed set upon so fiercely. But. In equal measure, she would have every right, every obligation to inform the Kirins in turn. They deserved to know too. She had every reason to want to do right by them, just as much as she professed she did him. It’d be safer, then, to keep her in the dark. Keep her away, for her safety and his own. Ciradyl waited until he finished his spiel before loosening the hold she had on his hand, pulling hers back to his side. [color=B2FFC4]”How has that worked out for you so far?”[/color] She whipped the words like a blade. [color=B2FFC4]”It must truly be horrible for you to push back like this.[/color] There was no sign she would relent any time soon. [color=B2FFC4]”I have come close to death on more occasions than I can count where one wrong step, one misspoken word would mean the end of it. I know when to make a move and when to step back.”[/color] A gust of wind picked up and carried her long, lustrous white hair in its air stream. [color=B2FFC4]”I am not offering to help carry your burden. What I am merely suggesting is letting me hand you the pieces you drop along the way.”[/color] If He wanted to leave at this moment, she wouldn’t stop him. Should he tell her to give him a moment alone, she would give it. That same breeze carried his own pale shaggy mess in front of his face, obscuring the beautiful and terrifying Faye from view. For a moment, he was alone, and not staring down the eyes of the storm. He sat with that for a good while. She was right. They both knew it, too— wasn’t like he had any moves left that could counter something he himself said, it being ‘hell to fight alone’. And it was as obvious as it had ever been that his fight was one that he couldn’t keep up. Everything since the desert had seen him struggle the moment he was on the back foot, scraping past these talks by the skin of his teeth at best. Really, this wasn’t fair at all. As much as it had thrown him off, he much preferred the breezy laughter they’d started this with. But she’d skewered him already. He had just made a promise… one he hadn’t yet granted. [color=c0392b]”…How?”[/color] One syllable. Faint against the wind enough that it could well have been lost. The easiest thing in the world to take back, reconsider, to recontexualize with only a little verbal sleight of hand. [i]Oh. I honestly thought you’d tell her, boy. Now we have a new fun question:[/i] [color=c0392b]Shut up. Stop. Stop talking right now. Now isn’t the time! There’s never gonna [i]be[/i] “the time”, so just do me a favor, and can it![/color] [color=c0392b]”How do you even go about that? [b]Why[/b], knowing the risk? I don’t just mean us both being in hot water with Sir Galahad, I… [i]How?[/i]”[/color] Even as his speech faltered, struggling with accepting the meaning, there was another uncertainty that assailed him. Unlike a leaf in a whirlwind like this, it was closer to a red-hot blade, immersed in cold, heavy pitch near the soul. He wanted to dive into those waves, from all the way up here, and let the water sort him out whether he came up or not. [i]Is this you committing to one thing, or running from another?[/i] Ciradyl’s intense stare softened at the one-word question he managed to cast into the wind as he seemed to struggle with something rooted so deep it felt like she had only touched the outer shell. [color=B2FFC4]”It starts with talking like we are now. Whatever you do not understand I can help work through. I remind you of the value you bring, and not just on the battlefield. It helps to consider what I would have liked to hear as I made my choices.”[/color] Her eyes closed briefly as the wind picked up once more so she could collect her thoughts. [color=B2FFC4]”I have seen what happens when a warrior is forced to handle everything on their own, thinking they could handle whatever was thrown their way. I nearly lost someone that way already and I will not let it happen again.”[/color] Ciradyl peered down at the deck below, feeling as though she was starting to outgrow her welcome. She had played every move carefully for the past six years. A bit of risk was within her rights. Value. A dangerous proposition to assign in general, really. But his own was… constantly in question. With all he had closed off from the team, it was hard to find fault in the bard for [i]wanting[/i] to lionize him. Just as he would have, if he thought it was simply wavering confidence before him. Was that what he seemed? Maybe. It wasn’t necessarily [i]wrong[/i] that his self-image had been shattered, burned, and run through a grinder. Five years on from that fateful night, that much he could recognize for certain. [i][color=c0392b]That night…[/color][/i] He’d done this song and dance. He’d let people believe in him. Asked for their faith. Accepted a standard to be held to… and dashed it against the stone when the world asked him to hold onto it. When he stumbled, he took offered hands down into the mud with him. Names and faces flashed behind the eyes. A handsome young knight, returned from the war, clutching his left eye. Their rugged old man, stoic countenance giving away to fury and horror. …A once gentle, calm, and razor-keen woman, robbed of the mind that he’d turned to, time and again, for perspective. A face he couldn’t bear to witness, once she no longer recognized those that loved her. His own, twisted and blurred by the heavy storm pummeling him, his sword, and the puddle. The only light he could gleam chased the hammer of thunder overhead, casting him in shadow save beady, wavering eyes. Barely beginning the road to manhood, but with no place left to go. …She’d nearly lost someone to sequestering themselves from support, she said. [color=c0392b]”Izayoi?”[/color] he ventured, gazing down onto the deck for the off chance of spotting the veteran Mystrel in one of her usual haunts, rod in hand. [color=B2FFC4]”Yes.”[/color] She confirmed with a nod, looking at the one in question. [color=B2FFC4]”I can only know what you tell me, Rudolf, but I will not force you to reveal everything all at once. That would not be fair.”[/color] The path that had led to Izayoi’s last stand was not one she would, or wanted to, discuss right now. Her dear friend was haunted by two very real reminders of her troubled past. Ciradyl admitted that after hearing Izayoi speak of her family, she felt the sparks of hatred burn at this Reisa. There was no grand scheme to plan her actions around. No Chisaki to take care of anything she couldn’t handle herself. However, she found herself in the company of those she could truly call her peers. [color=B2FFC4]”I feel I have bothered you enough. I apologize.”[/color] A light bow accompanied the apology. Had she pried too far that he would simply shut himself off the next time they talked? All she could see was the inevitable self-destruction that laid at the end of his path. She was not so petty as to weaponize his own words directly against him outright, but all bets were off should he hunker down further. [color=c0392b]”Hey.”[/color] The Faye looked at him with a slight tilt of her head. An arm snaked out from his slouched form, even as his eyes remained locked onto the deck. It reached across the forming gulf, carved by hastily chosen and short-sighted words— those of people with wounds scarred over, terrified to reopen them. He couldn’t let her leave yet. Not without… at least, recognizing her efforts. His arm crossed her dainty shoulders, so used to carrying the weight of a nation’s future on them, until he caught her far arm and squeezed as he pulled her into him, shoulder to shoulder— an awkward sort of half-hug, as far as they went, but… something. The moment she had recognized the movement it was too late to intercept. All the willpower she could muster forced what would have been a jerking reaction into a look of curious surprise. It would have been impossible without letting her guard down that night she spoke with Esben. [color=c0392b]”I [i]do[/i] appreciate it. You’ve been incredibly kind, I…I just…”[/color] His voice faltered, searching for the right words. It was probably safer for his specific purposes if he shoved her out entirely, gave no reason to indicate the conversation had done [i]any[/i] good. But he didn’t want to. [color=c0392b]”You’ve got a whole life you’re rebuilding here. I don’t wanna burn up any of your second chance, those are precious things.”[/color] Hollow. And he knew it. But even the void of a struck bell rang sincerely. [color=c0392b]”I dunno. I guess all I know how to do is run away.”[/color] He had made the effort to show that her intentions had been felt and the joy it brought displaced some of her discomfort. [color=B2FFC4]”Thank you for letting me hear this, but I think I will have to disagree. I seem to recall a certain someone standing in the way of a powerful monster. The same someone who helped rescue members of Team Kirin during an ambush, fought off waves of Valheim soldiers to rescue a foreign lord, and fought their way through a crime lord's manor.”[/color] She rattled off casually with a hint of pride. No matter how she tried to distract herself, the feeling of his arm around her buzzing like a vicious insect in her mind. Nothing she could do could stop it. The gesture had been sweet, innocent but nevertheless her mind refused to accept it fully. [color=B2FFC4]”You could have left the moment we started to talk, but you stayed. I feel as though I have seen something few have gotten to see and I am grateful. It might so happen that the next time we talk you decide to run. That will not change the fact that in this moment you did not.”[/color] Her hands gripped the opposing forearms as she sat there. [color=B2FFC4]”You can try all you want to stop me, but you will find out how stubborn I can be.”[/color] [color=c0392b]”Believe me, I’m plenty aware.”[/color] he chuckled ruefully. [color=c0392b]”There were plenty of points in the past couple years you coulda run, too. Always are, if you’re sticking up for a country under the boot. I hold no delusions that you’re not a special kind of stubborn.”[/color] His hand fell away after a moment, but not before patting the Faye on the back. Whether it was acknowledging, reassuring, or expressing kinship… not even he really knew. Her words before had pulled his mind elsewhere. Her fingers lightly dug into her arms for the brief moment after he patted her on the back. She breathed out a silent sigh of relief as his arm returned to its natural place. [color=c0392b]”And all that was just… This is all I’ve really got going for me. This is my second chance. This whole quest. I didn’t have any other choice. Not one I could accept.”[/color] His eyes drifted up, to the clear skies overhead. Vast. Immutable. In a way… savage, how it encompassed all. Consumed all. Everything in their world existed under this sky. That fate was painted upon it in starlight only furthered the enormity. It was little wonder, beneath this sky, that it was where those that had passed were believed to rise. [color=c0392b]”I’ve gotta do all I can. If one of the Kirins is staring down death, and if there’s something I can do about it… I [i]have[/i] to. Even if it means getting stubborn people like you on my ass in the aftermath.”[/color] He hadn’t thought any of it through. He hadn’t reached any grand conviction or cause to give himself to, to make the choice to endure. Courage was in choices. He was just at the end of the line, flailing against oblivion. Pushed forward into it by something… besides volition. [color=c0392b]”You guys already mourned her one time too many.”[/color] The boy offered her a tired smile, the smallness of his frame never more apparent. [color=B2FFC4]”If this is truly your second, last chance then I’ll gladly lecture you everytime you go off on your own…as long as it means I have the chance.”[/color] Gentle eyes fell upon him, capturing this moment into memory. It pained her that she could not offer the same physical comfort he had given her. A proper hug would have surely been appropriate. The mere idea was enough to send shivers through her nerves and tighten the muscles around her chest. [color=B2FFC4]”Let us do our best to ensure that the ballad of the legendary Team Kirin ends with a happy conclusion.”[/color] Ciradyl leaned forward a little, teetering on the very edge of her balance. A soft giggle escaped her just like when they had started their conversation and was soon followed by a wide smile. It had just occurred to her how long it had been since she had such a genuine conversation with someone other than Izayoi. Her conversation with Esben had come close but too much doubt clouded her mind then. The gears of her muse began to turn. There were a number of half-started songs and scores she had brought along, hoping for the right inspiration. Now she could say confidently one such piece would be completed. He watched the smile paint itself across her face, a gigawatt grin that told him everything about where they stood. That his efforts were in vain. That he’d, one day, let her down too. The going would get rough, even moreso than now. He’d run, then stumble, then… she’d try to be there. Pulling him back, lecturing him. Writing another line in that ballad, about a friend she shared this second shot at it all with. [color=c0392b]”Just make sure you take care of yourself, too.”[/color] He returned the grin with a small chuckle. For a while, they shared the mizzen, in companionable silence, taking in the waves. He regarded her, as he saw her mind begin to whirr anew on Mothercrystal-knew-what. ...He couldn’t allow hers to end. Not because of him. He wanted to hear that song. Whatever it took, she would see the day her masterwork was forged. Regardless of how little right he had to his part within it. That was her fight. She had chosen what she made of the ashes of her old life. What came next. Even if they shared this war… [color=c0392b][i]Sorry. Really. But it’s for your good as much as mine.[/i][/color] He couldn’t pull her into his own. Everyone he had… he burned, or buried. He could never forget that. For as much as it pained him, he wouldn't let himself. He wouldn’t face that grief again. ... But he wouldn't be able to hide himself away forever, either. Especially not with her watching for it. And so, he let his gaze return to the waves, depths within still opaque.