[b]NATALIA[/b]

Nat's thoughts about Duke echoed Anna's. Part of her wished she could respect Mika by helping Duke herself in some way. Look out for the man in Mika's memory, knowing how close the two were. But she also knew the best person to do that was Esme and in this situation, Cason. She trusted the both of them to bring Duke back so he could actually say goodbye to Mika and get some kind of closure that he rightly deserved, especially now that they had calmed Dean down enough for anyone else to go down to see Mika's body. It still felt so wrong to think of Mika as just a body in the basement and not the woman who kept them together. She didn't think it would ever feel right thinking about Mika in the past tense. She still wanted to go rogue and find a way of bringing her back, but she also knew how much quicker Cason would stop her from doing so. She also knew that right now Dean needed her more, just as Sam did. They needed each other. 

As Anna agreed that it felt like Sam was taking a long time to get a drink and to come back like Anna requested, Nat felt like she wasn't being paranoid. She looked up when Anna got up off the bed beside Dean, knowing what she was thinking of doing. So when she asked Nat to watch Dean, it was the easiest request she could oblige. “Of course I will. Sam needs you, I got Dean” she replied, letting her go downstairs, whilst Nat moved over to the side of the bed and perched carefully beside Dean's sleeping form. She carefully took Dean's hand, not wanting to wake him up despite him seemingly being in a deep sleep. “Oh Dean…I wish I could take all of our pain away…I wish I could bring her back to you” she whispered, rubbing his hand with her thumb. “I know I give you way too much shit, but I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on you ever…” she continued talking despite him being asleep, feeling it's the only way she had the courage to even say it. “You've had to deal with far too much in such a short amount of time, but I'd like to think I know Meeko would want us all to do whatever it took to make you happy again. I could almost hear her complaining about how we're all moping around and not remembering the good times” she sadly smirked. 

She could almost hear Mika giving them a real lecture for being so depressed in her head, ‘what you moping about for? I didn't stick around and give y'all amusing memories just to forget them the moment I'm dead’ Nat assumed Mika would say. Looking up from Dean, she glanced around the room and saw just how much Anna hid away for Dean's benefit, thinking how different it made the room feel, yet it still felt like Mika and Dean's little haven to Natalia. There was still the odd traditional sketch stuck on the wall that she recognised as Mika's work. A mixture of recent sketchings and ones that were much older, judging by the natural tanning of the paper. She never realized how much mythical related things Mika drew over the years, even way back before Nat was even on the scene, until now. She recognised one piece that was stuck to the wall as Mika's back tattoo design. “Hard to think that she won't ever use all these set supplies anymore…you know, when you were gone and she actually got out of bed? She was always at that desk drawing or painting…her grief into every single stroke…think it was the only time any of us ever saw her leave the bed. You're both so alike. But I know, giving her the Hunter's funeral will give us all closure and we're all going to help you through it…we just need the other three to come back first…” she sighed. 

She knew Dean wouldn't be hearing her but she felt like if she didn't talk she would be overwhelmed with worry about the others. She hoped that Cason and Esme had got to Duke and they weren't too late, she knew the group wouldn't cope with another death so soon. Yet she also hoped Cason was safe as well, deciding that she would just assume no news was good news for her own sanity. 

[b]SAM[/b]

At first Sam didn't realize that he had been gone longer than he intended to be. He did want to go back upstairs so as not to worry the girls, but he didn't know when he would get another chance to actually see Mika before she got wrapped and burned. He didn't notice Anna had come down until she quietly spoke his name, making him look up and across at her. “Sorry for keeping you waiting…” he apologized, lifting his beer bottle to his lips for a moment. “I just…I didn't know when else I could get down here” he explained, feeling like he had to give justification for his actions like some kid who was going to get in trouble for walking off. Then she asked about going for a walk and getting some air and as much as he didn't want to leave Mika alone, he knew Anna's suggestion was probably needed. “...yeah, I don't think I can do it alone when the time comes” he agreed, standing up and leaned forward, placing a kiss on Mika's forehead as if to say goodbye. He then moved towards Anna, wiping his face of any rogue tears that may have been rolling down his face and took Anna's hand. Silently, he reluctantly went back upstairs with Anna and headed outside via the back lot, not wanting to go out the front door. He wasn't in the mood to go for a walk down the main road and risk seeing anyone who knew him. 

He didn't want to have to explain why he looked so defeated and upset, knowing it probably was hard enough for Bobby to do. Sam could only imagine how hard it must be for Bobby to hide his grief from his face when being out in town, something he was even impressed Bobby could even bring himself to do. He even wondered if anyone had actually properly checked on the man, he felt guilty for being so washed up in his own grief that now he thought about it, he never checked on Bobby. Getting outside, the cold air hit him instantly, making him take a deep inhale of breath before exhaling. “It still doesn't fully feel real in a way, when we were kids, I always thought Mika was completely indestructible like Dean. She survived a wendigo attack, no one should have survived that…so I got convinced she was this…superhero or something” he told Anna as he tried to hold it together, finally being able to actually talk somewhat. “I know every hunter risks dying every day, but…I truly thought if she could survive a wendigo when she was a teenager, a demon would be no struggle for her. It doesn't feel right the world took her away from us” he said. “I still remember when she convinced Dean not to beat my ass for following you into that cabin when we were kids and not be bored in the motel nearby” he reminisced. “She always was team you, even back then. Saw us just as kids who wanted a moment of normalcy” he told her. 

He hated talking about Mika in the past tense, it didn't feel right or just. If he hadn't killed Alastair in the moment, he knew he would have gone on a hunting spree with Duke to find him and kill him himself. All Mika ever tried to do when she was alive was to keep her family together, despite the rocky past she had with Dean. They always found their way back to each other, and even when she wasn't around, she still checked in with Sam via texts or phone calls, used to check how his university studying was going when they all had separated. He wished more than anything that he could just fix things, and he still couldn't fully shift the guilt for not getting to that warehouse quick enough. “Dean isn't going to be okay for a long while after this is all done…” he sighed.