[h3] Duke [/h3]

Duke turned his head from Esme to look at his broken arm that was being worked on as she spoke up finally. He could tell that she didn’t really want to look at him, but that she was also lost in her own thoughts. Any other time, he would have hovered, but he wasn’t sure he had it in him, after everything he had done and dealt with that day. He couldn’t help the small smirk that lifted the right corner of his lips, barely raising his cheek when she mentioned that she felt the need to kick his ass, but was too worried about him to act on it.

Of course she wanted to take a bunch of that frustration out on him. He had put her through, what he could only assume was, hell that night. But then the conversation turned toward heavier things, like his bottling of his feelings, something that had always been a problem for him, and had always been a sore spot for Esme. 

After a moment, he opened his mouth to speak, to defend himself, but the nurse was manhandling his arm, smoothing out the bandaging on the thick cast that was going to put him in a weird spot with hunting for the next six weeks, all because of his temper. He had no one to blame for that, but himself. He hissed in pain as she rolled his arm over without asking him, but then announced she was finished and left the room.

Duke reached down with his good arm and pushed at the lever to lower the bar on the bed he was tired of laying in. He then sat up and slung his legs off the side of the bed, placing his hands in his lap as Esme continued speaking, but not looking at him. He watched her face closely, his own calm and willing to listen, for once. He sighed, flexing his hands as she finally looked up at him, and her words sunk in. What was supposed to be a simple conversation with Dean had turned into the worst and most brutal fight they had ever had. He had physically hurt Esme in the process and then ran off, like always, as if putting himself in danger would somehow help the situation and make amends with Esme…as if she wanted him dead for making a mistake.

“I know…” He said quietly, frowning as he battled with the tears that he was too tired to fight back. He didn’t shift his gaze from hers just to keep her from seeing those tears, instead, he kept his gaze solid and fixed, with a lot of effort. “I um…I know things are out of control. They have been for a while. I don’t…I don’t know how to fight that, really. I never have. I quit tryin’ a long time ago, and maybe it’s my next step, you know?”

Duke paused, turning his eyes up to the ceiling, as he tried to find the next words he wanted to say. He wanted to push it all down again, to bottle it up and focus on her wellbeing, but as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he was reminded that she was hurt…because of him. Her nose was bruised, and probably broken because of him. So, he sighed and turned his eyes down toward hers again.

“I think I’ve always just tried to be whatever people needed me to be. I’ve never been anyone’s first choice. I always screw up. I always let people down and then? I have to rely on the people I let down to save me…from monsters, myself, judgement, life?…all of it. I don’t know how to break that cycle and with Mika…” Duke paused, taking a shaky breath as all those fresh emotions bubbled up in his chest and he felt overwhelmed and nauseated all over again, “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to just move on, not from this. But you’re all I got left, Esme. I r-ran off because you’re all I got left and I can’t tell if you’re havin’ trouble lookin’ at me. I can’t tell if that nastier side of me is too much, and I’m gonna lose you all over again. I wouldn’t survive that, either…”

[h3] Anna [/h3]

Anna shook her head as Sam apologized for taking a moment with Mika. Having him apologize wasn’t her intention, at all. She just wanted to make sure he was alright, and wasn’t off somewhere crying alone, for fear of showing that emotion to either of the girls…specifically the two that would support and love him through it. But she nodded her head at his explanation of why he was in the basement, not that he needed to explain. Anna frowned sadly as Sam leaned forward and kissed Mika’s forehead, her stomach cramping painfully at the thought of helping him wrap her body for the funeral. She knew she had to be tough for him, because it didn’t seem that anyone else had it in them, and the last time she had seen Bobby, he wasn’t even looking any of them in the eyes. He had buried himself in work.

Anna sighed as Sam wiped his tears, once again trying to hide them from her, but she reached her hand out and took his, letting him lead the way as they left the panic room and walked back up stairs. As they walked out the back door, Anna nearly gasped at the feeling of the cold damp air ruffling her hair and she pulled herself a little closer to Sam’s side, just staying close as he started to speak. Was he actually going to get this off his chest? Was he actually going to open up about how he was feeling about the way things happened? It was something Anna wasn’t sure he would ever be capable of.

But as he spoke, Anna stayed quiet, and held his hand a bit tighter, just letting him talk. She glanced down at the gravel as their shoes crunched against it, and sighed, thinking back to the first time she had ever met her little family, way back when she and Sam were kids. Mika had come to her full defense, as if she was the best thing Sam had ever found, even though they had just met. Mika seemed more worried than anyone about Anna running off, and it was something she always held close to her chest, especially when they met again.

“She always seemed to be the most reasonable of the two of them. Maybe that’s why they worked so well.” Anna spoke softly, the past tense hitting her in the chest as well as she thought about Dean, and the pain that she couldn’t even imagine. She could only assume it was a similar but more intense feeling to the one she was experiencing in the barn, when she wasn’t sure if Sam was coming for her, or if he was even alive. “I think that Dean will have to take his own time, maybe even alone, before he will process things. This is a shock to his system. I can tell by the way he was speaking to me…all of this is going to hit at once, and I don’t think it’s going to hit him in violence, like Duke. I think we’re going to have to worry about him just…sitting around, stewing, not eating, drinking himself to death.”

Anna stopped walking, and pulled herself to stand in front of Sam, reaching up to place both her hands on his cheeks. She scanned his eyes, brushing her thumb across his lower eyelid to remove a stray tear that refused to fall, “But you…you have to take care of yourself. You have to talk to me. Let me take care of you. You do so much to make sure everyone is safe, and that I’m okay, and that I am sane, at the very least. Let me? Let me take care of you. Don’t shut me out. If you just want to lay in bed and be? We can do that. You want to break something? I’m sure Bobby wouldn’t mind, but let me help you through this. I’ve got you.”